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So, you want to be abducted by aliens...?
It's Fast and Easy!
Don’t worry, we don’t need anything – no boring forms, not really any personal information. That’s right. It’s practically completely free and your alien abduction is almost completely guaranteed.
aliens care about humans and the planet called Earth. They wouldn’t
travel millions of light years just to mess with our minds! That would
be completely ridiculous. Go ahead, get ready to hear their message of
peace and hope for all mankind.
Plus, they might even let you steer their spaceship!
What will my contact be like?
It will be great! Your contact or abduction experience may include a tour of a genuine intergalactic spaceship, a ride around the solar system and maybe a free medical examination. Remember, they care about your health. And no hassles with your HMO! No co-pay or forms to file with your health insurance company!
IT'S ALL FREE!
What Kind of Alien Will I Meet?
What UFO experience would be complete without the classic Greys?
They're an integral part of almost every abduction. They're easily recognizable by their smooth, greyish skin, long, elegant arms, legs and fingers, short stature, big head and large, black eyes.
The rumor is that they're having trouble reproducing themselves and are trying to make hybrids, but if that's true, the good news is there's no child support involved.
Aren't there more aliens, other than Greys?
Sure there are. It's a big universe out there, and despite what that
Star Trek franchise wants you to think, humans and humanoids are
definitely a minority!
You'll probably come across the Reptoids, or Reptilians, who have an undeserved reputation for being dangerous. We agree, they do have a particulary threatening look, being tall, covered in greenish-grey scales, with sharp claws, but really, they are quite civilized and enjoy a good laugh and snifter of brandy as much as the rest of us.
The Nords are always a fun bunch, and quite easy on the eye. Imagine a planet full of blonde, Swedish types. Yum!
And don't forget about the little green men. NASA doesn't want this to come out, but the Martians are a popular bunch of aliens and you'll be able to find out why first hand!
Don't worry. What happens on Mars, stays on Mars. Those rovers wandering the surface can't see everything!
Okay, I'm convinced. Now What?
We can help make your abduction happen!
Just follow these easy instructions until the aliens come for you!
- Play "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft" by The Carpenters ten times each night about nine pm.
- Sprinkle sugar on your window sill, making sure to clean it up in the morning. If you have problems with ants, you can skip this step.
- Place aluminum foil, shiny side in, on your head and send out pro-alien thoughts for at least one hour per day.
- Leave cookies out. Yes, just like Santa. Most aliens have a real sweet tooth.
- Tell everyone you know you want to be abducted. Someone you know is bound to be an alien and will pass it on to the proper authorities.
What if I've had enough and don't want to be abducted anymore?
In the unlikely event that you don't want to be abducted anymore, I'm sure it won't be a problem. Just tell them.They're understanding. I'm sure they'll leave you alone.
If that doesn't work, try these steps.
- Play Yanni songs for at least one hour a day.
- Sprinkle salt (sea salt is best) around your bed and on all the window sills in your house or apartment.
- Never wear aluminum foil, shiny side in or out. Aluminum foil is a conductor and actually amplifies any thoughts you have.
- Keep a container of mustard beside you at all times and if the alien comes, squirt them with it. No one likes to be squirted with condiments of any kind, but mustard is an actual alien-repellent. (Regular yellow Mustard, no Dijon or horse radish mix)
- Clear your house of sugar, flour, soda, beer, wine, whiskey, junk food - anything that makes life worth living.
Anyway, good luck with your abduction and remember, a person who makes contact is never alone!