Choosing Your Pet Rock
Some people are not equipped to care for pets, such as people who travel a lot for work, irresponsible children, and people who can't take care of themselves. There is an alternative. We've all seen them, lined up on a table at the county fair waiting to be adopted, painted with goofy expressions. You know what I'm talking about: The pet rock.
How does one go about capturing the illusive pet rock? Start along side of a river. The best pet rocks live right next to the edge of the river where the water is calm, and the sand disappears. Take a bucket with you, because they don't like to be caught and shoved into pockets. You may have to catch a few before you find your new perfect pet.
After you have your new pet in the bucket, transport it home and let it dry. At this point, you have to decide weather or not you want to put it in a rock tumbler. If you plan on painting your pet rock, a tumbler doesn't make any sense, but if your only decoration is going to be googley eyes, you might want to give your rock a beautiful shine.
Now it's time to wake up your rock. This can be done either with paint, or stick-on googley eyes and a glue gun. If you choose paint, make sure you have black and white for the eyes, and any other colors you want to use, depending on what you want your rock to wear. If you are gluing on eyes, make sure you don't burn yourself. An adult has to work the glue gun. If your rock is going to be an outside rock to guard your flowerbed from evil caterpillars, make sure you spray a really good clear seal all over it, or its new skin will fall off.
When your rock has been woken up, and you can see its features, you need to give it some space until the paint dries. Skipping this step will cause your pet rock to vomit bright colors all over you. Making your pet rock sick right off the bat is no way to take care of a pet.
Once your pet has dried, you can begin training it to sit. This can be done on almost any surface. Never throw your rock, especially not in water, at windows, or people's heads. Pet rocks are very strong, and can cause severe damage to people and things. Don't feed your pet rock, or it will get too fat and die. Pet rocks eat invisible food when you're not looking.
After you've trained your pet rock, you'll see just how rewarding they can be.
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