Even More Thoughts That Snakes Are Thinking
A simple preface
is better at a time like this. Do you remember a piece that I published a few weeks back, "Just What Are Snakes Thinking?" That one was big fun for me. I remember writing it in a safe light that no follower of mine would have nightmares after finding out that snakes "do" have thoughts just like us.
So now I want to given an extension to that "masterpiece," and I call it . . .
Note: No special boots, wardrobe, weapons required for reading this hub. And no snakes were harmed or mishandled prior to, during and after the production of this hub. Kenneth)
" . . .All I did was give him a 'love bite' to show my appreciation for that tasty lunch he gave me--that tasty rat. How was I to know that he was allergic to snake venom?"
" . . .Hey, Jack! I am not standing erect spreading my hood for looks!"
" . . .I'm with you! The next time some idiot yells, 'soo-eeee,' at me, I'm going to scare the daylights out of him when he's not thinking about me."
" . . .No, idiot! There are not diamonds on my back that you can get for your greedy girlfriend!"
" . . .Yep. I am a rat snake. I hang out with rats. But if they do not pay my price for protection, well, it's a one-way trip to that big attic in the sky."
" . . .Why do guys dressed in funny hats think that catching us and calling it a "Rattler Rodeo," is really a worthy civic event?"
" . . .Can you trust me? Wy' sure you can, my lovely, fair young woman. Mother Eve trusted my great, great, great ancestor."
" . . .Hey, Tom. Did we ever get any royalties from that 80's band, White Snake for using our name: Snake?"
" . . .Yes, little boy. Non-venomous snakes do make great pets. All I require is a warm place to sleep all that I want to and two obnoxious rats for dinner. That's it. When can I move in?"
" . . ."And you what really 'burns my bacon?' So-called intelligent men taking my friends' lives just to steal their skins to make hatbands. Maybe I should pay these guys a visit."
" . . .Now. my friend, 'Mr. Gila Monster,' there isn't room in this desert for you and I."
" . . .Bob, you got any parts in any adventure films lately?" Oh, that Billy, the Anaconda, sure made out like a bandit starring in that movie with his name and getting to work with Jay-Lo and Ice Cube. Some reptiles have all the breaks."
" . . .I tell you, Ned. Humans have forgotten how to be respectful toward us snakes these days. I was crawling across the highway which was deserted by the way, and this jerk in a souped-up truck did his best to skid his wheels over my back!"
" . . .Hey, did you all hear about those so-called intelligent humans at those "Snake Rodeo's" actually eating our relatives and selling them on a stick? Cannibalism. I despise it."
" . . .Oh, Jack. I got my two-hundred dollars back that I loaned that car dealer. I was true to my Boa Constrictor nature and "put the squeeze" on him. He was glad to pay me the money that he owed me."
" . . .If any of you see that Samuel L. Jackson around me, hide. I am not about to be made fun of in a film where he kills me and then my name is not even on the film's credits."
" . . .Ever have one of those days that you wished you hadn't crawled out from under your cool rock?"
" . . .Did you ever think that your life would be better if you had been born a turtle?"
" . . .Hey, Sally! What did you have for lunch?"
" . . .For lunch? Oh, my girlfriend and I ate at that plush restaurant on the edge of town and today "Baked Hyena" was the special. Yummm."
" . . ."Has any of you ever heard of that wrestler, whatever that is, who goes by the name of "The Rattlesnake," Steve Ausin?"
" . . .Yeah, we watched him one night on somebody's television and he did us a great honor in pulverizing a team of loud-mouth jerks who were making light of him."
" . . .Yes, I am still in a bad mood thanks to some low lifes using our hides for hatbands and boots to make themselves look tough. I dare these cowards to take a walk in this cave when we are all having a rattler family reunion."
" . . .Hey, our buddy, Kenneth Avery is writing about us again. Everybody look and act your best. We want Avery to make us look good so people won't think all of us are cold-blooded killers."
" . . .Look out! Avery even put a song at the bottom of this piece in honor of us Rattlesnakes. If Kenneth were here, I would snake my rattles at him to thank him."
Good night, my reptile friends.
And a good night, Vardaman, Mississippi, "The Sweet Potato Capitol of The World."
NOTICE: This is a REAL song.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery
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