Some Rules for my Cats

Greta, a former semi-Feral kitty!
Greta, a former semi-Feral kitty! | Source

Cats Rule

I guess that's what makes them so special to me:
They don't try to please you and make you work for their love and trust!

Cats have always fascinated me and I have a hart time with the euthanasia rates for cats at Animal Control shelters. The County below me has a 100% euthanasia rate for these beautiful, elegantly agile and fascinating creatures!

But, their very own way of doing things THEIR WAY does come with a few things I feel I need to address with my spoiled rotten kitties! I love my peace and quiet and I expect them, despite respecting them, to at least try to fit into my personal Garden Eden!

So here are some things I would like to address with you guys and girls. Yes, I am talking to you Blizzard, Breeze, Logan, Honeybear, Greta, Simba, Lily, Ayden, Maya and else.

And by the way:
Some of them were or are feral; living their lives as peacefully beside me as they please!


Some rules for my cats

1. While your presence is enjoyed, your company an honor, your strategically placed self on my homework will not get it done earlier and will actually take time away from your personal snuggle time!

2. You are a beautiful creature to watch in motion, but you walking in front of my face across my laptop will not only ruin the work of the last hours, but may possibly cause my laptop to stop cooperating!

3. I enjoy the warmth when you lay on my back and I actually consider it part of my physical therapy, but when you decide to stretch, please consider that T-Shirts are not made out of claw-proof material!

4. When I wake up in the morning, despite enjoying your company and loving you, it will not contribute to my morning to have you sleep within a ¼ inch of my face. Cat hair is not a proper diet!

5. I understand that stocking is a cat’s natural ability, but inching yourself forward and starring holes into my head will not make me feed you with my lunch!

6. Short and sweet: If I was laying there before I walked into the kitchen/bathroom, there is a very good possibility that I will want to lay in the same spot again. Use the remaining part of the king size bed!

7. I enjoy your company as you do mine. Stretching out to a length of feet will not gain you favors, my attention or affection. God, I wish I would have bought a cat-size bed!

8. Notice to self: Buying ten pet beds big enough to comfort a Great Dane will not gain me an inch on a king size bed. It will only gain me an option to sleep, should the cats not want to move!

9. Toys are those designated as such when given to you. All other objects in my house were designated to assist me to a comfortable life, entertain me or beautify my home. Give it back to me!

10. I will remember the crash I heard last night, when you wake me in the morning and look all innocent! I still have glass in my feet from trying to assess the damage in the dark!

11. A normal human in motion equals to 150 lbs or more of weight that will crush you when tripping over you! Sitting innocently in the middle of the way does not help. Humans are not as agile as you!

12. To add to rule #11: Following me, lovingly and with the singing sound of a morning greeting, will not improve my balance that early in the morning. Unless you prefer flat tails or feet before the first coffee!

13. To add to rule #12: Murphy’s Law says: Cat underneath or in between legs will cause serious injury to cat, tripping Mom or those rolling on the floor laughing when Mom falls!

14. I understand you prefer clean laundry. Hmmh. How should I word this… SO DO I! Should you plan on a nap, do it on the bed and not my clean laundry basket. I do not wear fur-coats, -shirts or -black pants.

15. Question to God: Why do cats always want to sleep where I am planning on working? Go use the king size bed! I am not using it right now! (But I will when you look away for a minute!)

16. Shall you be removed by gently lifting you up from my laptop, DO NOT hold on to the keys! It takes 8564 curses, 732 handful of torn out hair, the Patience of a Saint and 1192 threats to find and fix them!

17. Cat races are a part of the middle age and dark ages! Me sleeping doesn’t entitle you to wipe out all the items not nailed to the ceiling while racing! Don’t look innocent! You know who you are! So do I!

18. Just because I left the room for a second does not mean for you to lay on my laptop, causing it to shut down half the windows and open up another hundred, causing it to display error messages!

19. I love you! I truly do! But when I am sitting on the couch and typing on my laptop, please don’t sit on me! You may lay down and will earn a belly scratch but I want to see the laptop and hate eating hair!

20. My food is MY food! And while I am improving my anti-cat devices daily, challenging me to a match by sneaking up when I left and attempting to steal MY dinner will not endear you to me! I don't eat your food either!

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Comments 12 comments

tlmcgaa70 profile image

tlmcgaa70 4 years ago from south dakota, usa

OMG! that was to hilarious...i can so identify with every one of those rules. I rescue cats and have around 17. they are like my children...and like children they need rules so i think i will share these rules with them...awesome hub.


Cat R profile image

Cat R 4 years ago from North Carolina, U.S. Author

The question remains if anybody is going to listen! Right now I only see bored faces that are trying to go back to sleep!


gail641 profile image

gail641 4 years ago from Mason City

I think that cat's do need rules to live by, just like people. I have to be careful that my cat doesn't get my food.


charmgirl profile image

charmgirl 4 years ago from Tasmania

Cats do need rules-but rules are made to be broken are'nt they?


gail641 profile image

gail641 4 years ago from Mason City

yes, they sure are.


Reprieve26 profile image

Reprieve26 4 years ago from Oregon Coast

Thanks for the chuckles. I have rules in my house too-- but the cats usually ignore them. Little monsters... ;)


phdast7 profile image

phdast7 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

Nice Hub. I only have four cats, all were rescues and one was feral (pretty rough going at first, but we have settled in together nicely) and everything you have written rings true. They are willful and rule-breakers, just like yours, but such beautiful, graceful, and wonderful creatures.


ktrapp profile image

ktrapp 4 years ago from Illinois

I love these "rules" and I love cats. Mine loved clean, warm laundry straight out of the dryer. He also liked to sit on top of my hand as I used the mouse at my computer. It definitely took longer to get work done!


billips profile image

billips 4 years ago from Central Texas

You are clearly a cat lover - I love the pictures on this and your other hubs - great set of rules - do the cats abide by them? - B.


Cat R profile image

Cat R 4 years ago from North Carolina, U.S. Author

{Grunting}

Sure...

1% of the time!

I'm the only 'Cat' that actually does!


gail641 profile image

gail641 4 years ago from Mason City

Cats sure are beautiful! I hate the thought of them being euthanised in the animal control centers!


Cat R profile image

Cat R 4 years ago from North Carolina, U.S. Author

Cats are useful and so easy to keep. I don't get people!

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