Some Rules for my Cats
Cats Rule
I guess that's what makes them so special to me:
They don't try to please you and make you work for their love and trust!
Cats have always fascinated me and I have a hart time with the euthanasia rates for cats at Animal Control shelters. The County below me has a 100% euthanasia rate for these beautiful, elegantly agile and fascinating creatures!
But, their very own way of doing things THEIR WAY does come with a few things I feel I need to address with my spoiled rotten kitties! I love my peace and quiet and I expect them, despite respecting them, to at least try to fit into my personal Garden Eden!
So here are some things I would like to address with you guys and girls. Yes, I am talking to you Blizzard, Breeze, Logan, Honeybear, Greta, Simba, Lily, Ayden, Maya and else.
And by the way:
Some of them were or are feral; living their lives as peacefully beside me as they please!
Some rules for my cats
1. While your presence is enjoyed, your company an honor, your strategically placed self on my homework will not get it done earlier and will actually take time away from your personal snuggle time!
2. You are a beautiful creature to watch in motion, but you walking in front of my face across my laptop will not only ruin the work of the last hours, but may possibly cause my laptop to stop cooperating!
3. I enjoy the warmth when you lay on my back and I actually consider it part of my physical therapy, but when you decide to stretch, please consider that T-Shirts are not made out of claw-proof material!
4. When I wake up in the morning, despite enjoying your company and loving you, it will not contribute to my morning to have you sleep within a ¼ inch of my face. Cat hair is not a proper diet!
5. I understand that stocking is a cat’s natural ability, but inching yourself forward and starring holes into my head will not make me feed you with my lunch!
6. Short and sweet: If I was laying there before I walked into the kitchen/bathroom, there is a very good possibility that I will want to lay in the same spot again. Use the remaining part of the king size bed!
7. I enjoy your company as you do mine. Stretching out to a length of feet will not gain you favors, my attention or affection. God, I wish I would have bought a cat-size bed!
8. Notice to self: Buying ten pet beds big enough to comfort a Great Dane will not gain me an inch on a king size bed. It will only gain me an option to sleep, should the cats not want to move!
9. Toys are those designated as such when given to you. All other objects in my house were designated to assist me to a comfortable life, entertain me or beautify my home. Give it back to me!
10. I will remember the crash I heard last night, when you wake me in the morning and look all innocent! I still have glass in my feet from trying to assess the damage in the dark!
11. A normal human in motion equals to 150 lbs or more of weight that will crush you when tripping over you! Sitting innocently in the middle of the way does not help. Humans are not as agile as you!
12. To add to rule #11: Following me, lovingly and with the singing sound of a morning greeting, will not improve my balance that early in the morning. Unless you prefer flat tails or feet before the first coffee!
13. To add to rule #12: Murphy’s Law says: Cat underneath or in between legs will cause serious injury to cat, tripping Mom or those rolling on the floor laughing when Mom falls!
14. I understand you prefer clean laundry. Hmmh. How should I word this… SO DO I! Should you plan on a nap, do it on the bed and not my clean laundry basket. I do not wear fur-coats, -shirts or -black pants.
15. Question to God: Why do cats always want to sleep where I am planning on working? Go use the king size bed! I am not using it right now! (But I will when you look away for a minute!)
16. Shall you be removed by gently lifting you up from my laptop, DO NOT hold on to the keys! It takes 8564 curses, 732 handful of torn out hair, the Patience of a Saint and 1192 threats to find and fix them!
17. Cat races are a part of the middle age and dark ages! Me sleeping doesn’t entitle you to wipe out all the items not nailed to the ceiling while racing! Don’t look innocent! You know who you are! So do I!
18. Just because I left the room for a second does not mean for you to lay on my laptop, causing it to shut down half the windows and open up another hundred, causing it to display error messages!
19. I love you! I truly do! But when I am sitting on the couch and typing on my laptop, please don’t sit on me! You may lay down and will earn a belly scratch but I want to see the laptop and hate eating hair!
20. My food is MY food! And while I am improving my anti-cat devices daily, challenging me to a match by sneaking up when I left and attempting to steal MY dinner will not endear you to me! I don't eat your food either!
