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my dog is nutz

Updated on January 22, 2012

my dog is nutz

We have a seven year old golden child. Zack is his name and he's a retriever. Either the aliens have invaded his body or he's gone completely mad...or maybe it's the new dog food. In the last 2 months he's ended up in emergency at our local vets twice...his symptoms were throwing up and liquid stools...the kind you can't, or won't scoop up. After spending the entire day on IV to replenish his fluids, and $400.00 later, he was sent home with a new diet. The expensive kind. Prescription ID, wet and dry food. Ugh. We used to spend $30.00 a month and now spend over $100.00...but it's all for the love of this animal. The problem? He loves it and has become so food oriented that he CRAVES it. When my husband begins to stir from sleep in the wee hours of the morning, the dog jumps up, stretches, wags his tail and places his drooling face on the bed. His caramel colored eyes stare longingly until my husband groans and gets up. Zack trots to the door, full of vigor, knowing that the promise of breakfast is right around the corner. Quickly doing his duty, he races up onto the deck and waits by the door. As soon as it's cracked open he noses his way in and literally runs to his dish. Anyone standing in his way is immediately knocked down. The crunch of food is heard above the drone of the morning news. After dining, he heads for my husband and demands to go back outside so he can patrol his turf.

     There's a sign put up by a doggie day care that states "a dog is always on the wrong side of the door." I'm sure that Zack has somehow read that sign and practices the principle every day. Staying outside for a short period of time, Zack begins his "in and out games", where he stands by the door, lowers his head and stares inside with the most pathetic look on his face. He's got the look down pat, and it doesn't take long before one of us buckles under the pressure and lets him back in. That's his cue to entertain. Racing back to "his" room, he noses around in his toy box for the perfect toy and races back out to the living room/kitchen. This is when I start loudly humming the intro the "The Tonight" show. Let the show begin, indeed.

     Standing center stage, Zack takes his toy and begins flipping and twirling it, his paws prancing up and down in time to his own music. Next he flops on his belly and rolls over onto his back. He shimmies back and forth and always seems to aim his tail section in our direction. Not a pretty sight, especially first thing in the morning. After a few minutes of this foolishness, he sneezes, gets upright, shakes off and then abruptly lies down for a nap. Once he rests, which only lasts a minute or two, he's up and wants out again. It's his daily grind.

     At seven years old, Zack has turned into a puppy again. An 85 pound puppy. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. His actions leave me bewildered and befuddled. I guess it's all about the food....or maybe he's sneaking a few pops of tequila when we're not looking. He's been known to steal nip bottles from the liquor cabinet. In any case, he's a happy boy.

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