Gobbledygook and the Public Service
Edicts from on high
Yep. They really do write like this...
Welcome to Gobbledygook and the Public Service.
Years ago when I worked for the Public Service I used to receive what were called ‘Legal Rulings’ pertaining to certain decisions made by those in authority. I’ll say no more than that. I thought I might present you with the sort of thing we poor sods had to decypher before we could actually get on with our work. Punctuation was often dispensed with (lawyers can work wonders with commas, apparently)
Here are a couple of examples.
Opps! I leaned on the keyboard too long...
Fathom this one out...
It comes to the notice of our Interim Subcommittee of Vacillating Procrastinators that being oblivious and impervious to the machinations of Hubnobbers that titillation of the humorous by inadvertently resting one’s elbow quite innocuously and unintentionally by an ineptness engendered by sloth and inattention one could quite readily and inexplicable damage the meaning of a message by inserting a lot of gobbledygook letters engendered by downward pressure depressing a series of keyboard keys attached electronically to a computer device located conveniently beneath and adjacent to the side of a specialty constructed computer desk optimally placed to catch the right light so that such mistakes such as the one aforementioned would not happen except in very exceptional circumstances.
(finger left too long on the keyboard)
Or
Poor Puddy Cat. The stress of waiting so long.
Maybe you can interpret this one, too...
On awakening to the emotion-arousing and plaintive mews of the diminutive feline of short-haired, English variety mainly black in color with white patches and bewhiskered and be-clawed with short, slender and not overly sensitive tail scratching half-heartedly at the entrance way – or exit, as the case may be – a pet and domesticated animal attempted to make clear the obvious requirement that it be allowed out of its confines of the night to make its way into the narrow confines of a narrow yard which purports to be a garden according to architect design and to relieve itself of an intake of factory-prepared, tinned and distributed so-called food products of dubious nutrition partaken of yesterday and subject to its overnight digestive systems evacuation processes.
(cat wants to go outside to have a poop)
