Ryan Deiss Is My New Best Friend

There's this guy, Ryan Deiss. Actually, he may be a guy. He may be nothing more than an Internet persona representing a cabal of marketers loosely linked in a shadowy online structure of proxy servers and anonymous Clickbank accounts. I prefer to imagine Ryan as a well-groomed fellow casually standing in front of a very large mansion next to an extremely expensive automobile with his arm around a supermodel.

Ryan cares deeply about me. I may not be the only object of his affection, but in my world it's just him and me. Virtually every day Ryan sends me an earnest email teasing his latest Internet Money Making strategies. All I have to do is click on a link to learn the latest in traffic driving, affiliate marketing, and standing next to expensive cars with supermodels.

Every day I wake up to the promise of another email from Ryan. He rarely disappoints. Only infrequently does my InBox contain no message from Ryan Deiss. On those days, I somehow manage to muddle through my mundane life. I'm certain that Ryan was too busy standing next to his expensive luxury automobile to compose another email. He probably needed both hands to hold on to his supermodel, hence his typing ability was compromised.

A hook is a brief phrase designed to grab the attention of the reader. Strategic emails always include a stellar hook in the subject field. An email without a hook is like a Democrat without a special interest group: there's simply no purpose to it.

Ryan's hooks rate. They rock. His words grab me by the throat and coerce me into opening the body of his email. Regardless of how busy I might be, I cannot resist investing 15 seconds in his messages. The guy simply has mad skillz at writing email subject hooks. He may not be good at anything else, but he knows how to turn a phrase.

Here are a few hooks that Ryan has recently bestowed upon me:

• How to Legally "Tap" Gmail Accounts
• Done For You Membership Sites?
• Congratulations Kate Buck on FOX News!
• Missed You On The Call Today...
• [WEBINAR] 6K Optins - Are you insane?
• "Wicked Schmaat!"
• FW: Name Frank Kern's Book?
• 22,982 Jobs Available (Make Money This Week)
• 5-second Texting Shortcut? (you already do this)
• no market, no product, no website...
• Make $300 in 5 Minutes
• IMPORTANT: The wait is OVER! Explode your sales (NOW)...
• FW: a 19 yr. old made this?
• Mobile + Local = Paycheck
• PROOF!
• Watch this YouTube video
• You, a Social Media Manager?

Wow. I'm exhausted from reading this list. Obviously Ryan has my best interests at heart. He wants me to succeed, usually in only 5 to 30 minutes.

Almost every email contains a link to a video. Ryan might need to brush up on his multimedia production techniques, or hire an intern who can use video editing software. His videos usually consist of plain text on a white background. The audio precisely matches the text: Ryan is reading the words to me. This work would not make Spielberg proud.

Every video includes a new and revolutionary and Incredibly Easy technique for extracting massive wealth from the Internet. Apparently the web is flush with cash and it's a simple matter to make it spill onto me. All I must do is watch a free video: secrets are revealed that way.

I don't know how Ryan makes his money. He's always giving me free emails, free tips, free videos, and free plans. If he's found a way to get paid by sending out emails, he truly is a genius.

He never asks me for money. Perhaps he lives off the residuals of his videos, but probably not. I've seen YouTube clips made by 8 year-olds with better production value. I wonder if his supermodel has a trust fund: that would be disappointing.

If you've invested in Ryan's strategies, let us know. We'd like to hear your stories of wealth and redemption. Tell us about your climb from mediocrity to crazy cash. Describe your journey  from the depths of 8-hour workdays to standing next to an imported luxury vehicle with 22" wheels and a supermodel.

Did you get rich quick? We want to know!