Top Jobs At The Bottom Of The Ocean
Top Jobs At The Bottom Of The Ocean
Don't plan on getting paid to search for Ariel, but gainful employment at the bottom of the ocean may still be available. Jobs are everywhere: look to the bottom of the ocean for a career or simply a temporary Summer job until school starts again.
Marine Geology
Geology happens in the ocean. Something has to hold up all that water. Without geology, the water would end up in China.
Plan on learning complicated terms such as "terrogenous", "biogenous" or "hydrogenous". Should you already know such words, go to the head of the class and apply for a management position.
Necessary Skills:
- Experience and knowledge of benthic life forms.
- Deep and abiding love of mud with shells in it.
Potential Employers:
- Exxon
- BP
- Haliburton
Submarine Repair
Submarines carry marine geologists and sightseers to the bottom of the ocean. Someone needs to keep the submarines in watertight condition so the passengers can look out the windows and fiddle with the remote-control arms and other cool equipment. A leaky submarine offers as much utility as the US Congress.
Necessary Skills:
- Experience with the Creaform 2-in-1 photogrammetry laser scanner for large parts.
- Ability to work with tools and caulk
- Willingness to look a marine geologist in the eye and say "Your submarine is fixed."
Potential Employers:
Reef Builder
Reef don't build themselves.
Well, actually they do. A coral reef is composed of calcium carbonate secreted by marine organisms called corals. Unfortunately this process takes far too long. Highly skilled reef builders accelerate the process in order to meet deadlines on the Discovery Channel.
Necessary Skills:
- A demonstrable history of building really cool reefs in your home aquarium.
- A deep and abiding love for marine organisms called corals.
Potential Employers:
- Nat Geo Channel
- Discovery Channel
- Animal Planet Channel
- Food Channel (many tasty fish swim amongst the coral reefs)
- MSNBC Channel (Keith Olbermann suspects a Republican plot to dismantle coral reefs)
NSF Grant Writer
There's science at the bottom of the ocean and the National Science Foundation wants to know about it. To that end, grant writers are in constant demand. NSF funds must be pried out of the NSF budget through voluminous grant applications: it's a highly skilled job that few people have the patience or lack of self-esteem to do.
Necessary Skills:
- A printer with waterproof ink
- A deep and abiding love of asking for money
Potential Employers:
- University of Colorado: Sea Levels Rising in Parts of Indian Ocean, According to New Study
- NSF's Division of Ocean Sciences: Quakes Under Pacific Ocean Floor Reveal Unexpected Circulation System
Conclusion
Under the sea
Under the sea
Darling there's jobs here
Down in the bathysphere
Take it from me
Up on the shore they search all day
Looking for jobs they slave away
While we devotin'
Studyin' the pectoral fin
Under the sea
