The naked Irish farmer
that's what I get for sleeping in the hallway
In my last hub, "One day I woke
up and I was an innkeeper", I mentioned that in order to make the most money possible, I
would rent out all five of my bedrooms and sleep in the hallway just
outside the kitchen on the first floor. I dug out my camper cot, set it
up, and closed off the space, which is about 6X8 square feet. There are
7 doors leading into that space: the door to the garden, the
basement door, the back stairway to the second floor door, the door to
the kitchen, the bathroom door, the door to the dining room, and the
door to the reception area. These old houses are amazing.
When I
went to sleep at night, I would close and lock the doors leading to the
dining room & reception area. The bed was fitted in between the
reception area door and the door leading to the second floor (the old
maid's stairway). I clipped
a lamp onto the wrought iron rack of recipe books, next to the bed so
that I could read myself to sleep. The camper cot was pretty
uncomfortable, so I put a foam rubber pad on it, a down comforter,
pillows, etc, but it was still uncomfortable. I was camping in my own
back hallway, but it wasn't anywhere near as nice as Cumberland State Park.
The
door leading to the second floor had pane glass on the top half of it. I had not hung curtains on it because no one but
myself used that back stairway. When I lay down to sleep, I could see
the wall up at the top of the first landing, where I hung a huge
Victorian wreathe with roses and ivy all over it. At least I had
something aesthetically pleasing to look at, which is important for
Libras like myself.
The week of the Farm Machinery Show, I
booked 12 farmers from Ireland into my Inn. They took over every one of my guest rooms. They were great guys, friendly and fun. They even brought
me a beautiful Irish linen dish towel with a map of Ireland on it. And,
they helped me clear out the small black refrigerator in the dining
room, by drinking all the left over beer that had accumulated from
other guests. I was grateful for this, because now I was able to fill
it with sodas and bottled water, which most guests preferred.
On
the second night they were here, they returned from the trade show,
drank the rest of the beer which they now stored in the little
refrigerators in their rooms and went to bed. All was quiet as I fell
asleep, exhausted after that morning's big breakfast fiasco (refer to: "I woke up one day and I was an innkeeper"). I was out like a light, when, all of a sudden I heard a
clump, clump, clump down the back stairway. It woke me immediately. I
looked up to see a totally naked farmer stumbling down the back stairs
towards me and my camper cot. There was nothing between him and me
except the door with its pane glass window, which I had
left unlocked.
I jumped up, bolted for the key I'd left in
the door lock, and shouted "Hey! What do you want?" I guess it scared
him, cause he turned on a dime and made a beeline back up the stairs,
presumably, to his room. Next morning at breakfast, I heard the group
talking about how Harry was sleep walking again. When I came into the
dining room, they asked if I'd heard Harry wandering around the house
last night. "No" I said, "I didn't hear a thing", thinking " I've got to make sure the back door stays forever locked 'til the trade
show is over and the house is empty again."