Beguiling Conversations, Flattering Remarks and Vacillating Statements: Phony as a Plastic Pickle.

Why do we, as humans, once having realized we have been misunderstood in one of our casual remarks, immediately try to turn it around by adding a more agreeable flavor in the hopes that the offended or confused person will take it as a well-intended supported compliment?

It’s rather ridiculous, really; but nonetheless we continue to ‘make certain’ we are not scene in a controversial manner and most especially in a ‘bad’ light. When such an ambiguious occasion arises, we are perfectly aware of what we are doing and how we are doing it. But, does that make one bit of difference to us: NO!

If we were not nearly so phony and apologetic in our deference, we may even get a lucid glimpse of what we were really saying, along with the motivation behind our attempts to butter up the other.

What exactly is it that we are hoping (aspiring) to accomplish? Why is it important to remain on a level of satisfactory exchange with the other in fear of upsetting him/her? Do not these innuendos ring a melody of falsity?

Does not the planted erect knife in the butter fall once the butter melts?

In other words, what is hidden in the relationships we feel so insecure about and in need of continuing such a façade of nicety? We work so hard to maintain the supposed idea of decency we have long since cherished, nurtured and polished in our own minds.

We do nothing to upset the apple cart! And, when an unsuspecting misunderstood statement is made {maybe even in jest} which lingers in the air like a bad expulsion of gas; we immediately try to reabsorb the awkwardness left behind. We feel we must absolve ourselves in the light of the other and will actually go out on a thin brittle limb of more flattery in hopes it won’t snap to reveal our embarrassment.

It’s an odd feeling of being put in our place but no one did anything; yet we instictively rise to the defense as if we said or lacked some sort of expected grace. 

We are the naive unmotivated culprits, with no explanation to offer to ourselves for feeling like we are in a ‘line-up’ at a police station. The other may or may not be aware of our discomfort but we certainly are.

We want it cleared up so that we may not be "caught with our fragile egos exposed".

How dare the other show us how much we really don’t care! Of course we care. We take such pains to make certain everyone knows how involved and invested we are in our relationships.

But, then, involuntarily, out pops the ambivalent slip-up!

We are caught…smack dab in the middle of our own defamed humanity. What do we do? Heaven forbid, if we were to be conscious enough to observe ourselves in the act instead of mindlessly trying to cover up our innocent blunder.

It’s in that precise second, IF we could examine our nameless state that we could see a marvelous unconscious work of wonder revealed.

But, instead, we prefer to remain in the familiar comfortable lie of being kind, just, caring, interested and deeply involved. We simply can’t tolerate the idea that there may be an aspect of ourselves we are not allowing to surface for fear of it being out of sync with our readily accepted selves.

What could we possibly do with the irascible part of us that exists without our guarding approval and monitoring?

Underneath the speculated surprising remark of unarguable flair, we posit ourselves in a carriage of six white drawn horses. It’s not even good enough to be good enough we want to be better than what we and the other thought of us.

Oh! How superficial and thin skinned we really are but we devise all sorts of clever designs to keep us in tact on the ‘cherry road of dainty up to standard’ goodness. IF it wasn’t so pathetic, it would be vehemently nauseating.

WE have not an inkling of a clue that the acts of premeditated kindness we implore do nothing to elicit authenticity but invoke unstated anxiety.

A securing of undelivered promises is behind all of our ratifying remarks. In other words, we are making sure our ducks stay in a row and walk in line down to the closest pond. IF we ever needed a favor, by keeping the other pacified, he/she would be more than eager to supply the void. Wrong, again.

By reinforcing to ourselves that we are going to need, want or have an occasion to call upon another, brings with it a turbulently disturbing fear. No one can ever provide for us a falsely identifiable projected security on any level.

It’s the same droning inexplicable fear that feeds all of our insecurities, complexes and numbed indiferences. Based upon an impossible vexation of spirit and unsettled mind, we acquire a base of unfounded and ungrounded disparaging fears which do not support reality in the least.

WE project into the future the foreboding thoughts:”But, IF I ever did need somebody to help me…” IF it seems as if I am exaggerating these little remarks, on one hand, I am. On the other hand, I’m holding a deliciously prepared Hot Fudge Sundae (with caramel).

Why can’t we simply let stand what enters into our conversations, lives, family relationships, careers, love affairs, educational pursuits, and monetary dilemmas without trying to fill the gap? Make it better, fix it, mend the bridges, and clean up the mess; might just be a relevant message hidden in the awkward silence.

Most especially in those times, when we feel the need to defend, explain or excuse our participation in regards to another.

Is it our overwhelming need to be gallant, a person of such unquestioned honor, integrity and respect or simply incalculable relentless hubris?

We cannot plead ignorance in our defense. The ‘law’ doesn’t allow it and neither does life. Anyway, we KNOW what we’re doing. We instantaneously realize when we’re talking simply to hear ourselves talk.

IF as has been postulated that “we are conscious of only a small part of what is going on in our heads, namely the part we need to communicate,” then by all means, since we are social beings, we will communicate that which guarantees our best foot forward amicable guile filled goal oriented sociability.

That having been said, wouldn’t it follow that the majority of our most intimate conversations would be laced with generalities and trivial niceties?

Anyway, the next time we find ourselves in this particular spot of unexpected ‘fair weathered’ sentences gone south, why not let it be exactly and precisely how it arrives with no alterations added? [Including no arguing or ‘pushing a confusing’ offensive remark to a place of realized discernment.]

Let the ambiguous statement, word or phrase ride like a mechanical bull if necessary. Yes. It will be difficult in the beginning but it may offer an occasion to experience the very first lucid moment of legitimate intent we have ever known.

“And, wouldn’t that be a hot crock of big butterbeans and flapjacks?”