Dumb and Dumber-On Sunday don't look up while you pee and more unusual laws in the U.S. part 4

Source

I think I’ll stick with trying to figure out what must have made the lawmakers decide these were laws that needed to be passed. It’s kind of like buying an old house and trying to figure out why the staircase was placed in the middle of the bathroom, or why the kitchen sink has two sprayers; only the people who did it know, but it sure is fun to try and figure it out anyway.

Let’s dive right in!

Massachussettes:

It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients.

What happened? First of all, let me please go on record as saying, no matter what happened this law is a very, very bad one. No one in the world needs beer MORE than hospital patients! Beer lowers stress. Beer is alcohol, and therefore sanitary. Having a stock of beer is also a great way to ensure you get visitors.

No beer? That’s just wrong.

They probably meant that the nurses were to have their own beer, and not to distribute it to patients. Patients should bring their own. This makes sense. If the nurses gave away all their beer, they wouldn’t have any left. Then their stress level would go up. Nothing would be sanitary. Worst of all, they would have nothing to lure the hoards of visitor’s back out of patient’s rooms. It would be pandemonium.

One more for Massachussettes:

One may not detonate a nuclear device within the city of Marlboro.

What happened? Obviously someone in a neighboring city detonated a nuclear device. Seeing that it didn’t go well, the astute councilmen of Marlboro took it upon themselves to make sure that kind of tom-foolery didn’t happen in their city!

Michigan:

A woman isn’t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

What happened? This is an easy one. Bob Harriman, state senator of Michigan, gets married. His bride is lovely. His bride is sweet. His bride can’t cook for crap. He comments on the burnt spaghetti. She shaves her head. There are certain advantages to being a senator. The next day Bob calls an emergency session and a live-in cook.

Minnesota:

A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

What happened? This was a tough one. I can only imagine that there was a beautiful woman in Wisconsin who liked guys with ducks on their heads. The wives of the duck-wearing men, who kept sneaking over from Minnesota to Wisconsin to get some action, got fed up. Hence the duck law.

*As a side note, with a little research I did discover this to be exactly what happened. The woman died just a few months after this law was passed. It’s rumored that she choked to death on a chicken bone.

Mississippi:

It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

What happened? I’m going to assume the people who decided to make this law weren’t from Utah. They probably had a visitor who was, though. They looked around and did some math. The ugly guys wouldn’t stand a chance!

Missouri:

Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.

What happened? Councilman Tip See was stumbling home after a night of “law making”, tripped into a clothesline and hung himself. They call this the “Tip See Law”.

Montana:

Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated.

What happened? I’m not even sure what this means. Does this mean that you aren’t allowed to cause the squirrels to worry, or that the squirrels aren’t allowed to worry? I’m so confused.

It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.

What the hell? No, seriously, what the hell?

Nebraska:

If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.

What happened? All I can say is that in Nebraska, they take their churchin’ seriously. Pastor Brimstone does not tolerate burping. Silent farts, however, are allowed.

Nevada:

It’s illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

What happened? The people of Nevada were tolerant folks. The camels on the highways were annoyances, sure, but they were considered just a way of life. Then, in 1973, Henry Ford decided to put a steering wheel and a tailpipe on his camel. That was just too far. The chrome was distracting as well.

Last but not least today, we have ….

New Hampshire:

On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.

What Happened? Well, let’s see. On Sunday, people wear nice shoes. When you look up while you’re relieving yourself, what do you think might end up on those shoes? I know! I know! Look down, people! Guess what you were tracking into church? Great law!

That’s it for today. So, just remember, the laws might seem silly at first, but by looking a little deeper we see that they are frivolous and silly. Research always pays off.

Do you think it's OK for children to burp during church?

See results without voting

More by this Author


Comments 30 comments

Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

I don't know about beer,but many of my old aquaintences thought it an integral part of healing to smoke weed during a hospital stay.;)


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

I make it a habit to cross state lines with a duck atop my head!


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Another funny hub, sue, you are definitely on a roll.

Or is it a bun? :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Mentalist- while I disapprove of pot-smoking in general, I'm all for it for medical reasons. They didn't happen to be in the hospital for a sprained thumb though, did they? That might be pushing it! :)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Pop- Why does that not surprise me? Just be sure not to cross into Minnesota unless you have a big hat. A really big hat!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Drbj- I believe "stale bread" may be the words you were looking for! I thought I had remembered to put everything this time... I even put the poll up right away... and yet, being on top of stale, and perhaps moldy bread, my brain cells failed me once again. I'm heading to put your links on here now!

I blame the bread. Yeah, that's it.


onlinelawyer profile image

onlinelawyer 5 years ago

This is a very funny piece of writing. I am sure that all of these things seemed like a good idea the time they were written but somehow now they don't make as much sense.


Pcunix profile image

Pcunix 5 years ago from SE MA

If we'd stop electing dumb legislators, we woyldn't get dumb legislation.

Here in MA some years back, one of our local reps was incensed when a restaurant could not provide Sweet & Low for her coffee. Upon returning to the House, she tried to get legislation that would have required restaurants to have this sweetener or face a fine.

as I said, if we'd stop putting them in office..


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

onlinelawyer- thank you for stopping by and commenting! I couldn't agree with you more... I mean, hospital patients not being able to have beer? I guess they thought there was a good reason for that, I'm just glad now everyone can see the error of their ways.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Pcunix- thank you for coming by! I'm behind in my reading of your excellent Tom and Reilly (did I spell that correctly?) series... I'm dying to see how everything turns out!

You couldn't be more right if you tried! I think this "sweet & Low" fiasco shows exactly how most of these laws came to be. We need to stop electing idiots to office! It needs to start in the local arenas where we can (with very little effort) actually know what these people are like. The elected officials from the national scene almost always were elected officials from a more local area first!

Excellent point!! Thank you! :)


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Councilman Tip See at least had a valid reason for his legislation! Very funny, Sueroy! Loved it.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Austin- thanks for the compliment! It is much, much appreciated! :)


ChrisLincoln profile image

ChrisLincoln 5 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

Sue,

Wearing a duck on your head worries squirrels terribly. I'm thinking of opening a squirrel therapy office after a brief conversation with one who was nibbling my shoes one Sunday. Turns out they are worried by unexploded nuclear devices, camels crashing on the highway (into those darned clothes covered fences) and the fact that Mrs. Squirrel tries to cut his hair without permission.

I calmed his fears with a beer or two.

The pay is crap - anybody need three acorns? - but I feel I am doing a public service...


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country

I have seen "dumb law" hubs before, but this may be the best because of your deep and thoughtful explanations.

Wouldn't it be fun to get a group together and try to sneak across state lines wearing duck hats? I'll bet the police would back down when they saw we were serious about it.

I disagree with the idea that legislators should not waste their time on creating these silly restrictions, because they do not affect most of us. They need to have something to keep them busy with things that do not interfere with our everyday lives.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Chris- you are definitely doing a public service. I cannot begin to tell you how many letters I have received from squirrels in the past few days telling me how much less they have worried about nuclear devices blowing up, among other things, since they began your unique and intensive therapy.

I agree, acorns are not enough; not for the immense service you are providing to these intelligent creatures. I am giving you a sheep that you can ride in your passenger seat (no chaperone necessary) and a free pass to burp whenever and wherever you choose.

It's only fair.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Rochelle- you are a GENIUS! You see what the rest of us missed! We need to flood our local (and federal) congressional offices with requests for the frivolous along with threats to take our votes elsewhere. We can ask for pigeons not to be allowed to poop on public walkways, or fire hydrants to be painted with faces to scare away dogs... oh, the possibilities are endless.

Then, while they're distracted by these "very important pieces of legislation" we can grab our country back!!

My hat is off to you! (Pay no attention to the duck)


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 5 years ago from USA

Hi sueroy - Funny stuff - thanks for the laughs.

Gus :-)))


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Gus- thank you so much for stopping by and for your nice comment! Thank you right back for all the laughs you give me as well! :)


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

Lol, makes you wonder, doesn't it? :P


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Qudsia- Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting! Yes, it does make one wonder. Actually, everything makes me wonder. I wonder why animals can be trained, and politicians, it seems, cannot.

This includes, I believe, bathroom training, hence the law from New Hampshire. If they were sitting down when they peed, this would never be an issue. Maybe, if a woman gets elected to the New Hampshire congress, their next law will deal with that issue!


japtaker profile image

japtaker 5 years ago from United States

This was just wonderful stuff. Thank you!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Japtakerr- no, THANK YOU- for coming by, reading my stuff, and being nice enough to leave such a kind comment!!


CathyandDaveAdopt profile image

CathyandDaveAdopt 5 years ago from The Med City

by Dave,

The Minnesota duck thing sounds more like a hunting mishap or a college hazing incedent...

:)


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Dave- I see you ignored my warning.

I like the idea of the duck thing possibly being a hazing incident. Probably many of these laws had their beginnings in college activities.


Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

Susan I so enjoyed this installment of dumb laws. I can envision the camels, but not the ducks.

Burping in church? Some things are just natural. And it depends on how good the sermon is, eh?

I like the idea of the faces on the fire hydrants, too. If we are quick, we may get it into legislation, too. I fear that come 2012 we will lose most of our non-productive legislators. At least I hope so! But a bird in the hand.... :)

I enjoy your comments as much as I enjoy your hubs.

You are one creative and witty writer. I love hub pages. Thank you for steering me here.


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Thanks Mom... it's always good to know you're not hiding under a couch somewhere saying, "Susan Who? Daily Weird What?"

Instead, you're holding your head high while you burp in church. I just couldn't be more proud! :)


Kindacrazy profile image

Kindacrazy 5 years ago from Tennessee

Well, now I'm just gonna have to ride my camel on the sidewalk, when I go to Vegas!!

LOVE this!!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

Kindacrazy- You're such a rebel! Just watch out for squirrels!


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 5 years ago from Florida

You've done it again, sueroy. Loved it! I plan to carry my pet lion in my lap and put a duck on my head as I ride the camel down Main Street. The lion will be well fed...before we start out!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana Author

mysterylady- Thank you for reading and commenting on my hubs. I think you're a woman on the edge, but not over the edge since you're going to feed your lion first. You're one smart mysterylady! ")

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working