Get an Online Degree from the University of Feenix

Get an Online Degree from the University of Feenix

Welcome to the University of Feenix!

Here at the University of Feenix, we strive to provide you with resources, encouragement, inspiration, enthusiasm, and logo T-shirts just like any other real college. We help you make your dreams come true, as long as those dreams don't actually involve getting dressed and going to class. Yes, the University of Feenix is an 'online college'. What does that mean?

Online degree colleges, besides having an immense profit margin, offer opportunities for non-traditional students to matriculate at an accredited institution of higher learning while retaining their nocturnal dressing apparel. In other words, you can get a college degree in your underpants. Is The University of Feenix a good fit for you?

Ask yourself these questions:

  • Is an online degree from the University of Feenix right for me?
  • Am I afraid to look people in the eye?
  • Do I, or a close family member, have a lot of cash lying around?
  • Do I have a really nice computer monitor?

Wow, you ask a lot of questions.

Anyway, The University of Feenix almost certainly has a place for you. Our classes never fill. You'll never be locked out. Every class is 'virtual'. The word virtual is a complex computer-science term implying that the 'desks' and 'chairs' and 'labs' and 'actual buildings' only exist in your mind. Everything else is real, including the tuition bill that arrives well in advance of your first day of virtual coursework.

Student Life at The University of Feenix

Here at the The University of Feenix we understand that your real life may intrude on your ability to get out of bed and walk/trudge/crawl to your computer. To that end, we have developed the Virtual Online Independent Discipline program to help you achieve your online degree. When you enroll in VOID, you have complete freedom to attend 'class' when your schedule permits. Take up to 10 years to graduate with no penalty. If you find yourself too busy chatting online with friends in Pago Pago to click the University of Feenix icon on your desktop, simply take a Virtual Incomplete and finish the course later, like when you finally realize that working the drive-through at McDonald's isn't going to get you that Mini Cooper you've been wanting.

The University of Feenix has Many Famous Graduates

The University of Feenix boasts a panoply of accomplished alumni. If we had a Student Union, you would be welcome to stop by and meet some of them. They would greet you warmly with a sincere handshake. Some of them are always looking to hire new grads for the multimillion dollar high tech start-up they are launching. They always inquire as to your experiences at The University of Feenix:

"Did you have any trouble finding your classes? Isn't parking a pain?"

That's an inside joke. You'll understand after you become one of us.

Apply Today at the University of Feenix

Don't put it off; classes are filling quickly. Not really.

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Comments 13 comments

Tom Whitworth profile image

Tom Whitworth 6 years ago from Moundsville, WV

nicomp,

I wonder if the "Underwear Bomber" attended The University of Feenix?


J  Rosewater profile image

J Rosewater 6 years ago from Australia

Wow, Nicomp - we went to the same university. I too use the word panoply.


dusanotes profile image

dusanotes 6 years ago from Windermere, FL

Nice satire effort, nycomp. You're an excellent writer. So I'm wondering why you're wasting your time at the University of Feenix - or are you merely its drum beater? Hey, do they have a band and a football team? I'd like to apply. I used to play the clarinet. Don White


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@dusanotes: The University of Feenix offers numerous extra-curricular activities.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@J Rosewater: It was on my word-of-the-day calendar. :)


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

HA HA HA HA HA, Gotta love your cynicism you do it so well.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Funny hub, nicomp. Enjoyed it! The U of F or F.U. as its graduates fondly call it is perfect for those students with virtually (get it?) no motivation and few "impecunious" problems - from my daily calendar of verbosity.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@drbj: feel free to chip in some words anytime. You might be able to make some money: http://hubpages.com/business/Make-Money-Online-Sel...


ladyjane1 profile image

ladyjane1 6 years ago from Texas

How long have you been a student? I guess not long enough to know how to spell Phoenix!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@ladyjane1: There are many fine cities in Arizona. Tuscon, for example.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Tuscon? Isn't that a bird with a big beak - or was that Eleanor Roosevelt?


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 6 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Perhaps Barbra Streisand!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 6 years ago from Ohio, USA Author

@The Old Firm: Perhaps you could write a hub about Tuscon Barbara?

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