SPIDER LADY...by b. Malin

Before I begin this story, you need to be aware of my "Phobias"...

1) Beetles & Spiders

When I was about four and my Sister seven, she formed a "Beetle Sucking Club". I know, I know it was a Disgusting Idea. Anyway, in order to become a Member you had to LICK a Beetle. That's right, but I couldn't do it, much less hold one. Was she sympathetic? Hell NO! And Sister or no Sister, the Rules were the Rules, and so I was excluded and not allowed to join.

Now when I was seven and she was ten, we shared a room with twin beds. Well every night after I told HER a BEDTIME story. She would say, "now look under both beds for the Boogeyman and Spiders". I dutifully did so, Good little Sister that I was. And believe it or not, I was not afraid of finding either one...and I never did!

2)Lightning Bugs

I'm sorry but I have to admit that I was Petrified of LIGHTNING BUGS. But this I kept to myself. It was hard,especially when all the other kids were catching them and putting them in glass jars. The whole idea just Creeped Me Out!

3)Roaches...of ANY KIND

When My First Born was about six months old, my Aunt and Uncle came to visit. As they were leaving and I was closing the apartment door, I looked up at the ceiling and there was the most Enormous Cockroach I had ever seen. It looked like it could have done bodily harm if you try to kill it. I SCREAMED, Called the Super of the building who killed it...And we moved shortly there after...Problem Solved.

Now I am a Real Grown up...So here's my latest Encounter...

I am out on the front porch watering "The Fern Sisters" when I look up to see a small size Spider, who also seems to be studying me. I find myself staring back, actually we are "Eyeballing" one another. I notice she has spun a Web on the porch post. To be polite, I say, "Hi". She clears her throat and answers "Right back at yah sister"! "Oh, I reply a bit surprised, how Nice, and I see you have a Neighbor", I say pointing to the other side of the post. "Mmm, so I do, she sighs, so I do". "Well, see you, I say, I water the Ferns twice a day." "Not if I see you First" she laughs. I smile and go in the house.

That evening I am once again watering the Ferns. I look up to see that her web has gotten a little larger and so has she. "Good evening" I say. She replies "Right back at yah...and don't worry, I'll be putting my Web away in the morning". "Oh that's all right", I say. Though I have to admit that I am secretly pleased. As if she can read my thoughts she says, "It looks Messy to see Cobwebs by daylight". "Hey, I say, What happened to your Neighbor, your friend? Doesn't look like she's there anymore." "No HE'S NOT, I KILLED HIM, and then, I ATE HIM" she replied smugly. "OMG, I say raising my voice, that not very neighborly of you". "Who says I wanted to be neighborly? I was only thinking of you b. Malin". "Now you're really Freaking Me out" I reply. "I didn't ask you to get RID of him...and how do you know my Pen name'? "Oh come on now I'm not Stupid, she said, I saw the look on your face when we met this morning and you saw my Web". "Well, I sighed that probably was true then, but when I told Lover Man about you, he thought it was a good natural way to keep the bugs and mosquitoes at bay...But you still haven't told me how you knew my Pen name". "Oh that, she replied, The Fern Sisters told me". "Oh", I signed staring at them.

"Hey, I said sweetly, did you happen to notice there is a Spider starting to weave a web near the front door'? "I did" she replied softly. We eyeballed each other silently for a moment. "Well I said softly, see you tomorrow". "Yes she replied see yah tomorrow". As I turned and walked to the front door I could feel her eyeing the new web.