This Crazy Law ...

How absurd is the Law that governs our everyday lives in the UK today? After quite a lot of research i have come to the conclusion that in many respects ... the law is an Ass...

You may be very surprised to learn that there are more than 4000 Public and General Acts that were enacted before 1801, 11000 Local Acts and 13000 Private Acts that date from before 1801 that are still in force today..

a few examples i can give are shown below

The Royal Prerogative which was passed in 1324, actually dates to Edward 11(1307-1327) states that any Whale or Sturgeon that washes up on the British coastline belongs to the Crown. It states more specifically that the head belongs to the King and the tail according to old English Judge William Blackstone to the Queen (or other consort) the aim was that the bones can be used to make her corsets. Quite what the king will do with the head is left to the imagination..

A law enacted between 1547 and 1553 by Edward Vl makes it illegal to stand sockless within 100 yards of the Queen, it is also required that you keep your dog on a very tight leash when in barking distance of the Queen and her Corgis.

The severest penalties will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House , thanks to a law enacted by Edward V1 1714 - 1724.

Sleeping with a consort of the Queen is classified as treason and as such carries a maximum penalty of death.

Placing a postage stamp of the Queen upside down is also considered to be treason.

Anyone found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end could be sentence to 24 hours in the village stocks thanks to Henry Vlll's SON Edward Vl

In Scotland if someone knocks on your door desperately needing to use the loo, you are required by law to allow them to use your facilities

It is legal for a pregnant woman to relieve herself wherever she fancies, she may even use a policeman's helmet

A male may pee in public as long as it is on the rear wheel of his own motor vehicle and his right hand must be placed firmly on the vehicle whilst he is performing.

The Library Act of 1898 states that it is an offence to behave in a disorderly manner in a public Library...this includes gambling and using violent, abusive or obscene language and still carries a 200 pound fine.

Under Archaic Local Acts that remain in existence today a person suffering from the plague may not flag down a taxi, in fact it is a requirement of the law that all London taxi drivers ask whether you have the plaque.nor may they carry a rabid dog or a corpse. Have you ever flagged down a Cab... well you are breaking the law, according tho the 1843 London Hackney Carriage Act, London cabbies must only seek cusom when they are stationary, and to top it all they must by law carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.

Believe it or not Welshmen are banned from entering Chester before sunrise and are not allowed to stay in the city after sunset... It is also legal to shoot the Welsh all day in Hereford on a sunday providing it takes place with a longbow! so sorry to any Welshmen that are living there .. not sure what you will do.

Also if a Scotsman enters the walls of York with a bow and arrow, it is legal to murder him as long as it's not on a sunday, under an Archaic law that still exists. Although this law has not been abolished it is not recommended that anyone tests it out !!

Politicians, listen very carefully ....Thanks to a law created by Edward II in 1313 - known as the Coming Armed to Parliament Act it is illegal for you to die in Parliament, so if you are going expire then please have the courtesy to do it elsewhere... oooh and by the way do not do it whilst wearing your suit of armour as a law dating from 1279 made it illegal to appear in parliament wearing them.

To make life more pleasant for residents of certain areas who had to live in close proximity to each other the Town Police Clauses Act was issued.. it is still valid today and includes many offenses such as

1887 - prevents the beating of carpets or the placing of any clothing or towels on the promenade (Blackpool Borough Council) as does Section 60 (3) of the Metropolitan Police Act, 1829,which makes it an offence in London to beat your carpet in the street, attracting a £200 fine - unless beating takes place before 8am. Carpet beating was another concern with visitors to Lancashire. who were urged not to 'beat,shake, sweep,brush or cleanse any carpet, drugget, rug or mat or any other fabric retaining dust or dirt'.Ringing a bell, sounding a gong or playing a trumpet in fact any noisy instrument is also illegal

1913 - by-law relating to the use of dickey straps on horse-drawn carriages and skidpans - a shoe or clog that stops a wagon wheel turning (London Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham Council)

1956 - prohibits the drying of clothes in various parks in Whitstable. (Canterbury City Council

In Ipswich it is illegal to fry onions or to feed the pigeons.

Old Lancashire by law ...Included.. 'No person shall on the seashore, after being required to desist by the constable or officer of the council, incite a dog to bark to the annoyance of any person using the seashore'.

All English males over the age of 14 must carry out approximately two hours of longbow practice a week which must be supervised by the local clergy.

In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless in public unless they are a clerk in a tropical fish store!!!!

In fact many every day activities we take for granted are actually illegal including sliding on the snow or ice,flying a kite, making a bonfire, extinguishing a lamp and wilfully disturbing a resident by ringing on their doorbell. The fine for committing these offences is a 1000 pounds or 14 days imprisonment.

Whatever you do, if you're caught shopping without enough cash do not ask to borrow money from a stranger because under the Vagrancy Act of 1824 you will be classed as a beggar

Thanks to another antiquated law, it's fine to load a plank of wood, into your car but do not walk down the road carrying it as that and rolling or carrying any cask, tub, hoop or wheel also any ladder,pole, showboard or placard is against the law and could get you a 500 pound fine.

Now, not trying to be a complete and utter party pooper....

Oliver Cromwell considered pies to be a forbidden pagan pleasure and on December 22 1657 they were banned for consumption on Christmas day.. so enjoy them well on Christmas Eve and Boxing day.. but know you are breaking the law if you have one on Christmas Day.