Assertiveness Techniques! Learn and practise these techniques to stop others from manipuilating you!

The Bill of Assertive Human Rights!

  • You have the right to say "NO" without feeling guilty.
  • You have the right to have your self-respect even at the cost of hurting someone else.
  • You have the right to make your own independent decisions as long as you are prepared to face their consequences.
  • You have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
  • You have the right to ask a favour or request.
  • You have the right to deny a request or favour.
  • You have the right to change your mind.
  • You have the right to not to answer any question.
  • You have the right to offer no excuses, justification or apologies.
  • You have the right to be only judge of your own behaviour.


  • Just knowing about assertiveness is not going to help you.
  • People are NOT going to change their manipulative behaviour just because you tell them - "I am assertive now."
  • YOU have to change your non - assertive behaviour to stop others from manipulating you by learning and practising :

1) Asserting Negatively :

  • Do not feel guilty, defensive, upset or threatened about making a mistake.
  • Accept your mistake promptly : "You're right, I have made a mistake. I am sorry. I'll try not to do it again. I am prepared to rectify it."
  • Paradoxically, those who cannot accept criticism easily can also not take a compliment graciously and without feeling anxious and awkward.

2) Broken Record:

Persistence is the foremost thing to learn in being assertive:

  • Calmly keep saying the same sentence again and again. e.g. "No, I cannot do it." Or "I want to do it."
  • Do not raise the voice and remain without anger or irritation.
  • Do not offer any explaination, excuse, justification or reasoning for your "broken record" statement.
  • It's your persistent broken record vs. his "NO" or his "demands."
  • The message is - "I am not going to be put off - I can do this all day - no matter what things you say."
  • However, set limits to your assertive behaviour with a judge, policeman or robber.
  • The opponent's behaviour after the broken record can be -

@ He gives in, or

@ He is more assertive than you, or

@ He offers workable compromise.

3) Compromise ( Workable)

  • E.g. "I'll not refund the money. But I'll give you another piece."
  • Accept or offer workable compromise, if the last goal is not compromising your self respect.
  • If self-respect is being hurt, then there must be No Compromise. (Very, very important)

4) Disclosure & Free Information :

  • Receive simple clues by a person in a social situation as a free - information.
  • Pick up free information and build up the conversation on it by offering voluntary self-Disclosure.E.g "Hello, I am Johny. I am from Austin. I am from IBM." (Free - information)

"Oh! IBM! My friend is working in quality circle." (Self-Disclosure)

  • Gradually start accepting and disclosing your own negative aspects.
  • This is one of the most potent methods to accept yourself as you are and to initiate and enjoy a social conversation.

5) Eye - to - Eye Contact :

  • A confident body language is most important for any assertive talk.
  • Eye - to - Eye contact is the first requirement of a confident body langauge.
  • People will not take you seriously if there is an assertive talk along with a nervous body language.

6) Fogging :

  • Learn to become like a fog:
  • Appears solid, no visibility.
  • However, things can go through.
  • No hard surfaces for any rock to bounce back from.
  • Not to deny any criticism.
  • Not to get defensive.
  • Not to counter - attack.
  • Do not try to read motives behind other's critical statements. Just follow the statement on their face value and fog it. E.g. "I see you dressed again shabbily."

"That's right, I am dressed in my usual way."

7) Go further : and ask for detailed critical statements :

E.g. "What's more wrong about what you are criticizing ?"

  • "What else is bad about...?"
  • This shows you are not put off by criticism and you genuinely want to improve.

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Comments 8 comments

Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 4 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you :)

Humaira 4 years ago

Good we all should learn this

Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 6 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you Nicky. Nah i am not a guru. I am learning myself. Hopefully i can help others with my knowledge and experience too.

Glad you liked the hub. Thank you again :-)

Nicky Bantham profile image

Nicky Bantham 6 years ago

I think you are the 'guru' we are all in need of and definitely hubpages next deepak chopra:) I hope you continue to influence, with clarity as you do. Thank you for sharing your research and knowledge on this subject.

Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 7 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you all

Steve M Nash 7 years ago

You're welcome! :-) And just to say that my site has been linking to this page for some time... :-)

Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 8 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you steve nash for the wonderful comments

Steve M Nash 8 years ago

Not sure I understand everything above - e.g. how to put it into practice - but it's an interesting discussion of assertiveness techniques and so I shall add a link to this page on my site (coming soon). Cheers, Steve

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