Assertiveness Techniques! Learn and practise these techniques to stop others from manipuilating you!

The Bill of Assertive Human Rights!

  • You have the right to say "NO" without feeling guilty.
  • You have the right to have your self-respect even at the cost of hurting someone else.
  • You have the right to make your own independent decisions as long as you are prepared to face their consequences.
  • You have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them.
  • You have the right to ask a favour or request.
  • You have the right to deny a request or favour.
  • You have the right to change your mind.
  • You have the right to not to answer any question.
  • You have the right to offer no excuses, justification or apologies.
  • You have the right to be only judge of your own behaviour.

 

  • Just knowing about assertiveness is not going to help you.
  • People are NOT going to change their manipulative behaviour just because you tell them - "I am assertive now."
  • YOU have to change your non - assertive behaviour to stop others from manipulating you by learning and practising :

1) Asserting Negatively :

  • Do not feel guilty, defensive, upset or threatened about making a mistake.
  • Accept your mistake promptly : "You're right, I have made a mistake. I am sorry. I'll try not to do it again. I am prepared to rectify it."
  • Paradoxically, those who cannot accept criticism easily can also not take a compliment graciously and without feeling anxious and awkward.

2) Broken Record:

Persistence is the foremost thing to learn in being assertive:

  • Calmly keep saying the same sentence again and again. e.g. "No, I cannot do it." Or "I want to do it."
  • Do not raise the voice and remain without anger or irritation.
  • Do not offer any explaination, excuse, justification or reasoning for your "broken record" statement.
  • It's your persistent broken record vs. his "NO" or his "demands."
  • The message is - "I am not going to be put off - I can do this all day - no matter what things you say."
  • However, set limits to your assertive behaviour with a judge, policeman or robber.
  • The opponent's behaviour after the broken record can be -

@ He gives in, or

@ He is more assertive than you, or

@ He offers workable compromise.

3) Compromise ( Workable)

  • E.g. "I'll not refund the money. But I'll give you another piece."
  • Accept or offer workable compromise, if the last goal is not compromising your self respect.
  • If self-respect is being hurt, then there must be No Compromise. (Very, very important)

4) Disclosure & Free Information :

  • Receive simple clues by a person in a social situation as a free - information.
  • Pick up free information and build up the conversation on it by offering voluntary self-Disclosure.E.g "Hello, I am Johny. I am from Austin. I am from IBM." (Free - information)

"Oh! IBM! My friend is working in quality circle." (Self-Disclosure)

  • Gradually start accepting and disclosing your own negative aspects.
  • This is one of the most potent methods to accept yourself as you are and to initiate and enjoy a social conversation.

5) Eye - to - Eye Contact :

  • A confident body language is most important for any assertive talk.
  • Eye - to - Eye contact is the first requirement of a confident body langauge.
  • People will not take you seriously if there is an assertive talk along with a nervous body language.

6) Fogging :

  • Learn to become like a fog:
  • Appears solid, no visibility.
  • However, things can go through.
  • No hard surfaces for any rock to bounce back from.
  • Not to deny any criticism.
  • Not to get defensive.
  • Not to counter - attack.
  • Do not try to read motives behind other's critical statements. Just follow the statement on their face value and fog it. E.g. "I see you dressed again shabbily."

"That's right, I am dressed in my usual way."

7) Go further : and ask for detailed critical statements :

E.g. "What's more wrong about what you are criticizing ?"

  • "What else is bad about...?"
  • This shows you are not put off by criticism and you genuinely want to improve.

More by this Author


Comments 8 comments

Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 4 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you :)


Humaira 4 years ago

Good we all should learn this


Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 5 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you Nicky. Nah i am not a guru. I am learning myself. Hopefully i can help others with my knowledge and experience too.

Glad you liked the hub. Thank you again :-)


Nicky Bantham profile image

Nicky Bantham 5 years ago

I think you are the 'guru' we are all in need of and definitely hubpages next deepak chopra:) I hope you continue to influence, with clarity as you do. Thank you for sharing your research and knowledge on this subject.


Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 6 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you all


Steve M Nash 6 years ago

You're welcome! :-) And just to say that my site has been linking to this page for some time... :-)


Cleanclover profile image

Cleanclover 7 years ago from Piece of land! Author

Thank you steve nash for the wonderful comments


Steve M Nash 8 years ago

Not sure I understand everything above - e.g. how to put it into practice - but it's an interesting discussion of assertiveness techniques and so I shall add a link to this page on my site (coming soon). Cheers, Steve

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working