Some Major Pages of My Life

I was engrossed in my study of the Four Major Philosophies while I was a student leading to a Master's Degree in Education; it was so absorbing and I began to see why things happen the way they did in my life and why I am the way I am with regards to relationships and everything else that surround me.

If I am going to ask you this question. Do you like everything that is happening in your life, or how your life is going now?

Honestly, if everything is already perfect in all areas such as a perfect romantic relationship, perfect family relationship; all perfect relationships with friends, colleagues, peer groups; perfect health, look or beauty, career, income, money; possessions, home, cars, security, travels, vacation, leisure; status quo, spirituality, education; dreams, goals; the list could go on...then life would have been useless for there would be no more room for your improvement and there would be nothing new or challenging to work on; you have done life prematurely and it's high time to go home to the Maker.

My happiness is shallow, I got everything I can dream of and desire, and even those that I had not expected are already within my reach.

What about the following highlights;

a.) I am a love child of a 47-year-old married, Theology Professor-Church Minister, and his 20-year-young-and-single granddaughter of the richest widow in town, student;

b.) At 15 I was sent by my Dad to a missionary school and dormitory far away from my family (IMS- International Missionary Society) hence I lived a very strict adherence and training to become a Bible Woman, (a nun if I were a Catholic) for four years;

c.)At 20, just completed my missionary requirements and out to continue my secular studies, I was kidnapped and abused before I married my kidnapper who became my husband for 18 years and the father of my two children;

d.) Among my greatest achievements in that 18-year-marriage, aside from having two wonderful children, was to have finished three Master's Degrees as a full scholar in a prestigious State University (MSU-IIT- Mindanao State University-Iligan Institute of Technology) with three theses for just three years and completely free;

e.) Being a mother of an early-starter son(to say the least); he started walking at 6 months, reading a ten-volume books at three; a music arranger at 14; playing all musical instruments with his band in the university, became a father at 17 who eventually married the mother of her daughter at age 18; then became a dollar millionaire at 23-years-old, and now a fat-long-hair-5- earrings each ear-tattooed, fluent speaker of major global languages and a computer programming linguist of at least seven languages, among others; and yet he is in a lowly low profile personality as if nothing is meaningful to him;

f.) having just married for the third time and to the man in the opposite edge of the globe; now that I am a 57-year-old grandma of five cute grandchildren in which the eldest is a first year Architect student of a university and two are boy-girl twins.

The inherent psyche of the "love child" in me

Every life is a story or a novel and a series of events unique to the leading role player of the story. The beauty of the story depends on how the leading role player navigates through life; the life that is not after all a "bed of roses" but a high way of bumps and boulders, and more.

I was 25 years old when I first saw my biological mother. Nobody talked about her in my family but I had flashbacks of a woman by the name Esperanza. When I asked my extremely loving and kind Mom (my adoptive mother and wife of my Dad) about Esperanza, my Mom was surprised asking me where I got that name. I told her that it just came out of the blue, just a whisper from my psyche; I was 9 then and I never asked that question anymore after my Mom told me that Esperanza was my nanny. I did not believe her, my psyche knew better; but I love my Mom so much and I didn't want to upset her; she looked upset when I threw her that question.

My Mom and Dad were a very loving and almost a perfectly happy couple. They both love their children(us); I have a sister and a brother both from my Dad and Esperanza; though I am the first born.

Mom and Dad never had chidren of their own from their 22 years of marriage before I was born by Esperanza and my Dad. My Mom can never have a child, she was barren. I came into their life both as a joy and a nervous secrecy. I grew up in abundance and a very religious, loving and healthy family environment; I never knew the "skeleton" that existed in the "closet" until the birth of my first baby; but that's another story.

In my early childhood, I always had a surge of melancholia, that feeling of missing or losing someone who I didn't know. I had some sort of flashing memories of someone who loved me dearly; not that my Mom and Dad didn't love me enough; on the contrary, I was the "apple of the eye" for them.

I had so many questions running in my head that I preferred to just keep within me otherwise, I may hurt my parents' feelings. Questions such as, "Why do my siblings and I look very much different from our Mom?" and "Why were they old enough to be our grandparents?". Actually, these questions came to me because of the comments of my classmates; such as "your grandma is very beautiful for an old lady", your "grandpa looks like a very strict school principal"among others; and they meant my Mom and Dad.

I was exiled to "nunnery"

My Dad had convinced himself that I was becoming "worldly" and this was pertaining to our religious doctrines. For him, I had done all the wrong things and he was scared that I may one day leave the religion that he so fanatically instilled to us (his children); so he sent me to the missionary school in the north to spend four years away from home.

My melancholia was perpetuated at this time. The greatest pain that could hurt me truly is when I am separated from my loved ones.

Education is my destiny

How could it happen to be educated in a prestigious State University given the following situation;

My first baby was 6-month old while I was 21 years old. The father of my baby (my kidnapper) exiled me to a high mountain some 180 kilometres away from the City where he kidnapped me; while he was working in that city and at the same time can go home to his family. Actually, I did not know at that time that he was married, his friends said that he was an ex-priest who left the seminary. He would come home to me in the mountain every other week; that mountain overlooked the biggest university in Mindanao, the CMU-Central Mindanao University. Every afternoon, while I was in that remote, cold, and high mountain I used to sit on a big rock at the edge of the cliff and "talked" to the university saying "One day I will go down from this great mountain and become your student." For ordinary minds, such dream was not only impossible but an outright insanity because I was only a junior high school ( which means I needed two more years to finish high school before I can be admitted to a university) when my Dad pulled me out from high school to send me to the missionary school. I was also a student when my kidnapper rooted me out from my studies and my school. CMU had no high school curriculum which meant that I had to find another school to finish high school. The nearest high school was 12 kilometres away to hike (no vehicles there except horse back or carabaos) and considering my situation and location nobody in his right mind would do that.

The first hour in the first day that I attended my class as a freshman student leading to the degree BS in Education in CMU, my eyes were full of tears. It was hard work before that day came; you wonder why I believe in miracles? I was 25 years old then.

My greatest gift of all is my gifted son

I gave birth to my first baby when in that farthest, remotest and coldest mountaintop while I was in exile from civilization; I spent my pregnancy there as if I was hiding the worst mortal sin any human can ever commit.

When he was three, I gave another birth and this time it's my daughter. After my daughter's birth I went to study in the university; "goodbye mountain folks, I don't belong to you; two years with you was long enough hibernation" were my thoughts and sigh of relief when I finally came down from the mountain.

As a baby, my son was my pride and my inspiration; people loved him and were all amazed of him; they called him snowman for he was so fair-skinned like a Caucasian; when he was 6 months he was called the "wonder baby" for he would walk side by side with me when I went out; he was also called "terrific kid" when he could express himself in words correctly when he was less than a year; he was called a genius when he was three because anywhere he went he carried a book and reading it to everyone who were amazed watching and listening to him; he applied for a job in a gasoline station where he explained and demonstrated to the manager that he can do the job correctly, the manager was impressed and "hired" him, he was also three; and a lot more along this line.

The kidnapper and the victim

I didn't know that I had a stalker when I went back to the secular school the year I was home and done with the missionary. This stalker was a high profile private militia of the then President of the Philippines during the Martial Law Regime. I was 20 years old when he finally found the chance; it's again another story.

The question in the mind of the reader might be "Why did you marry him?" I can understand that but I was naive and innocent on "worldly" matters, considering my background. He was 33, married and powerful. I was in fact "lucky" compared to other abduction and rape victims; 99% of those who have similar experience with my own were found floating headless corpses in rivers or seas. To have preserved and married me eventually was even considered a rare case at the time.

My recent and perhaps last marriage

He came to me from the opposite edge of the globe exactly on the day of the hearts. Coincidence or intentional is irrelevant. He is my heart's desire and the chosen one ever since. The boulders, no, Mt Everest is blocking us but like the olden days; I can say with a rock-solid conviction that there is no mountain so high that can block the strongest "Willpower" that I possess. It's a natural force stronger than the highest-voltage lightning to blast even the proud and deadly Mount Everest.

My story is laid down, for my readers or for my introspection, doesn't really matter. I just feel the relief.