10 Things That Martha Madison Cannot Do . . .

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Martha Madison!

IF YOU ARE KEEPING A SCRAPBOOK, HERE ARE MORE PHOTOS OF MARTHA MADISON.

NO WORDS COME TO MY MIND TO APTLY DESCRIBE JUST HOW PRETTY THIS CREATION OF GOD, MARTHA MADISON REALLY IS.
NO WORDS COME TO MY MIND TO APTLY DESCRIBE JUST HOW PRETTY THIS CREATION OF GOD, MARTHA MADISON REALLY IS.
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS PHOTO OF MARTHA MADISON BUT, "WOOOOWWWW!"
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS PHOTO OF MARTHA MADISON BUT, "WOOOOWWWW!"
SWEET, KIND, CARING, ARE ONLY THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS GORGEOUS GIRL, MARTHA MADISON.
SWEET, KIND, CARING, ARE ONLY THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE THIS GORGEOUS GIRL, MARTHA MADISON.
IS THIS NOT A NATURAL BEAUTY OR WHAT? NO WONDER MARTHA MADISON IS SO POPULAR.
IS THIS NOT A NATURAL BEAUTY OR WHAT? NO WONDER MARTHA MADISON IS SO POPULAR.

WRITER'S NOTE: This hub is dedicated to a good friend. And wonderful HubWriter, ThoughtSandwiches. Enjoy.)~~~Kenneth

How do I start

to describe the angel in these photos? Sweet. Nice. Beautiful. Humble. Selfless. Giving. Talented. And there are more my friends, but I might embarrass her if she reads this. From all I have found out about this pretty girl, Martha Madison, she blushes a lot when being complimented. That in itself is a trait of good upbringing.

In a nutshell, whom is Martha Madison? Have you ever heard of a little daytime soap opera on NBC called, "Days of Our Lives?" Well, then you must have seen this beauty many times on this super-hot show. She played the part of Belle Black. A very-challenging role. One that only Martha Madison could handle. This is in no way a bad reflection on my other "friend," Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hewitt is cut-out mostly for nighttime television. But Martha Madison (seen in all of these photos) can do both. Nighttime. And daytime television. I've even enjoyed her role as a scared single-mother with a kidnapped son, on CBS' Criminal Minds. What a versatile talent, Martha is. Not many actresses could handle the popularity and workload that Martha faces every week of the year. But she never complains. She is loyal to her millions of fans.

I don't want you, my trusted-friends, to think harshly of me for publishing this hub. I am not an adulterer. I said the same thing when I was writing about my secret lunch with Jennifer Love Hewitt. There is something good to be said about cleansing one's conscience. And even though, I cannot be around Martha Madison, not because I do not trust myself, but cannot trust her, I still find myself attracted to her. But that is between you and I. Okay?

I'D RATHER FACE A FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON

than to say the following.

I HAVE FOUND OUT, BY LONG AND HARD RESEARCH, THAT THERE ARE 10 THINGS THAT MARTHA MADISON CANNOT DO.


I'm as sorry as I can be. It hurts me more than it hurts you, but there are ten things that even this extremely-talented blond beauty cannot do. With help. Or alone. Poor Martha Madison. She only gets to sit on the sidelines and see other people doing what she cannot do. And I do not know about you, but I am sickened to death of the rest of this story. Let's just pray that Martha has a movie to shoot in Europe. Or whatever hot television series she is working on, doesn't know what HubPages are. That might work.

"The 10 Things That Martha Madison Cannot Do" . . .

  1. Martha Madison cannot drive a Ford 250 Super Duty 4x4 truck.
  2. Martha Madison cannot write a screenplay for any theater company in New York City.
  3. Martha Madison cannot hitch-hike from Los Angeles to Jackson, Mississippi.
  4. Martha Madison cannot tame rattlesnakes for carnival shows.
  5. Martha Madison cannot drive a Greyhound bus.
  6. Martha Madison cannot do a convincing impression of Laura Bush.
  7. Martha Madison cannot operate a Gillette Fusion razor.
  8. Martha Madison cannot do a show in Barnum and Bailey Circus.
  9. Martha Madison cannot do a solo act as a morning DJ on an all-talk radio station.
  10. Martha Madison cannot sing the popular Beatles' song, "Hey, Jude," word-for word.

"Martha, I am sorry. I offer you my most-sincere apologies. When I signed up on HubPages several months ago, I vowed to myself to be true to the ethics of the heralded arena of the written word. That means that sometimes we have to write things, although hurtful to a point, we have to be true to the written word and ourselves. Again. I apologize."


Kenneth Avery.


In all honesty, hub friends, do you think that I will get in trouble with Martha over this story? If you foresee me getting harsh calls from her agent, just speak up. Tell me now. I just had to unburden myself of these things that Martha couldn't do.

I am not saying that Martha was trying to hide them from us, but I think that she was, in all of her gracious, selfless ways, ashamed of being a bit behind the rest of us when it comes to doing the simple things in life.

Yeah. That'll work. Right?





THIS HURTS ME

to write. I love Martha Madison. To death. I just hope that my once-lunch date, Jennnifer Love Hewitt, isn't reading our hubs, for when she reads this, she will literally come unglued.

Martha Madison is, to say the least, extremely-talented. Lady-like. Gracious. Soft-spoken. Beautiful. Mannerable. Humble-hearted. And is loved far and near as the character, Belle Black, on Days of Our Lives, the soap that made NBC billions of dollars.


Why does this hurt me to, I hate to say, 'expose,' Martha Madison to this scrutiny? Well, I did some digging and found out that Madison is unable to do 10 things. That's right. 10 things. Things that you and I could do with ease. But this lovely creature, Martha Madison, cannot do any of them.


But, knowing Martha Madison, she will read this and giggle like a southern belle and not think anything harsh of me for writing this story.


Forgiving. That's another thing that makes Martha gorgeous.

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Comments 20 comments

justateacher profile image

justateacher 4 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

I hope that Martha finds this as awesome to read as I did...and doesn't have her agent and lawyer talk to you :)

Great hub!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Justateacher, (but like I still say, YOU are far-more)...I had to get this one on Hubs before I forgot my thoughts. She is, being honest, a true, blue trooper of the arts. I emailed wrote her a real letter about six years ago and asked for an autographed photol...she not only sent the photo, but a hand-written note apologizing for taking so long to respond. Her favorite hobby, she said, was to hang out with friends by (the) pool, but didnt say which one. I do appreciate YOUR comment, and support. YOU say the nicest things to me. I hope that I am as good to you as you are to me. And that I am totally-serious in saying.////////////////Kenneth


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Nah! Martha is shopping on Hollywood Boulevard and busy with her next projects! Good hub dear friend,,,Thank God you are back!

LORD


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

early a.m. 12/18....12:45 a.m./cst

Lord . . .I had to get THIS one on Hubs like I told justateacher, my thoughts get fragmented and I was fearful that I would not remember how this one was laid out. And you're right. Martha is on Rodeo Drive spending that hard-acted loot. Sure wish she would become a member of HubPages....hey, a few months ago, this is no joke, I saw a girl hubber whose profile was Jessica Beal...honest. But her name of course, wasnt JB. Rats. No, that wasnt her name, rats. I wonder if that was the REAL Jessica or someone just using JB's photo? Hmmm. A case for you to investigate....Im sorry to ramble on. Thanks, LORD, for the comment. I will be back in a few days when I sleep and rest up.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Very good HUB... so funny.. I think Jennifer is going to get jealous .. running around on her an all... LOL..Love reading your HUBS


picklesandrufus profile image

picklesandrufus 4 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

I think it is funny...you admire her, but keep her real.Doubt she or her attorneys will mind.


Lee B profile image

Lee B 4 years ago from New Mexico

Are you sure she CAN'T do these 10 things--or does she just choose not to? ;-)


V Qisya 4 years ago

Well, I'm not sure if you'll get into trouble but I guess Martha won't mind you saying all that. After all, you spoke the truth haha. Anyway, I enjoyed reading it, Ken. Interesting and funny. Take care.

Love, V


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Deborah . . .uh, oh. You might be right. I better lay low for a few days, make the phone to where it wont ring and change my appearance--I hear that Jennifer DOES have a raging temper. Thanks, Deborah, for the good advice. And the lively comment. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

picklesandrufus...how did you know? That this was my plan all along--keeping all things real about Martha? You have a keen observation. I am in the presence of Higly-Intelligent Hubbers. Thanks for your warm comment that made me smile.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LeeB....I never thought of that. Man, am I gullible. She said that..ooops, I mean, I "learned," that she wasn't much of an outdoors, uh, girl, in the ways I describe like driving a 4x4 Super Duty Ford. I bet she can. And could compete in any mud derby around. Thanks, Lee, for opening my eyes. I appreciate this.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

"DEAR" V, THANK YOU so much for your enlighting comment. I did tell the truth about Martha. I havent heard from her lawyers or agents since this came out, so I can breathe easy, right? I hope so. If I do get contacted by Martha's peeps--I will publish it right away. Thank you V, for all of your sweet comments.

Love, Kenneth


CMerritt profile image

CMerritt 4 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

WOW! Kenneth she IS a beauty!!!

Hey for what it is worth, I cannot do a convincing impression of Laura Bush either!!

I think Martha will be flattered!

Hey, she now has one more adoring fan to follow her now!!

Chris


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

LOL, 12/1/2011

Chris...that is funny. I used to try to do an impression of George W., but no one liked it. And you are right, Brother. Martha is just one of God's best works. I loved her acting when she was on Days of Our Lives that I watched with my daughter and her husband...while I got to babysit my first granddaughter. Thanks for your lively comment. Merry CHRISTmas, Chris to you and yours.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Kenneth...

Thank you for the dedication my friend and it is very true...you MUST be true to the written word and yourself!

Now...in terms of lawsuits...I dance with the litigious bitches every story...at least...I would if they ever read them...I have a lawyer so call me my friend!

I must now update my Martha Madison files...I had received a report that she COULD drive a Greyhound Bus...

Great Job Kenneth! Thank you for the dedication and I will be voting every Up!

Thomas

PS...she is Hot...


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

ThoughtSandwiches . . .errr, Thomas. I got hypnotized momentarily at Martha's photo and lost track. Sorry. You are very welcome. And I knew that if anyone, speaking about males, YOU would like this. Greyhound? Hmmm. Maybe I don't have as good of a P.I. as Paul Drake, the guy who worked for Perry Mason, as I thought. Oh, I did pay my P.I. "Timmie," $3500.00, or was it $35.00 a day expenses and a $75.00 retainer fee to find all of this info on Martha. And he lets the Greyhound tid-bit slip by!!!!! Outta there. And speaking of outta there....me too. See ya, Thomas. You are an inspiration to me and all of the hubbers. Merry Christmas. And if Martha Madison DOES show up for my Christmas fesivities such as apple-bobbing, pin the tail on Kenneth, or Hide and Seek using Ray-O-Vac flashlights....I will surely give a play-by-play. Promise.


Cousin Fudd profile image

Cousin Fudd 4 years ago from From the Blue Ridge Mountains of Western North Carolina

Like you photo's and the read, poor Martha. I think I know her sisters, Dolly and Little Debbie. Kenneth I also write as Fiddleman, check out more of the same you will find here.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Thank YOU, Cousin Fudd. Will do. Oh, do you know her sisters. Well? I was going to ask if they would be kind enough to ship some samples, cakes, for a future hub idea. Fiddleman. Gotcha. Thanks and have a great day.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

I can't drive a Ford 250 Super Duty 4x4 truck either. lol.

Did you know that Martha's real name is Martha Anne Butterworth?

Very funny my friend and I am sure Martha will forgive you. ;-)

Have a good evening.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/22

Dearest Susan,

LOL, ya got me! That only shows what a graceful lady you are, not driving a 4x4 Ford truck. Her real name is Butterworth? Wow. Wish I had knew that, on second thought, I do have a heart, and just on the fringe of her reading this, I wouldnt want her, YOU or anyone I write to or about to get hurt feelings. Guess in my old age, Im getting soft.

THANKS FOR YOUR SWEET COMMENT, DEAREST SUSAN.

Have a Great Friday and Christmas Day!/////Kenneth :)

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