Bachelor Brad Second Chance ep 3: Everybody Hurts

Ashley S finally got a date with Brad, after receiving the First Impression Rose a few <TV> weeks ago.  Maybe she’ll stop whining now….probably not.  They took their budding romance to a common first-date destination—the recording studio.  After having a mild panic attack, Ashley was thrilled to find out they were going to record a “Kiss from a Rose” duet.  Ashley believed her deceased father orchestrated this date because that was a special song for the two of them.  Not to sound cynical, but I’m pretty sure it was chosen so Seal could randomly show up and promote his new album.  Thank the heavens he did because my ears were bleeding from Brad & Ashley’s sad excuse for singing.  The poor guy in the recording booth laughed hysterically and called it “dreadful.”  Welcome back to TV, Simon Cowell.

To continue on Hollywood-themed dates, Brad took several of his best gals to a studio to film an action movie.  He called it “just another day at the office”—does he regularly perform stunts at the multiple bars he owns?  These dates are so ridiculous. 

Shawntel threw herself into the absurdity and caught the eye of Mr. Womack.  Of course, it was hard not to notice her when he was tied to a pillar (shirtless, of course) and she decided to chew his face off.  Obviously, he was into it and she received the date rose.

Let’s talk about the escaped mental patient known as Michelle.  There’s one in every season.  She’s an interesting combination of Crazy Michelle and Nanny Elizabeth—think about it.   Instead of withholding her affection, she described her fantasy kiss with Brad as “slippery” and then acted out fireworks shooting off around their heads (she looked like she was having a seizure).  Later, she got a sympathy kiss for crying about her kid.  I don’t know about you, but I didn’t see any pyrotechnics.

Michelle also busted up Brad’s alone time with Alli-Big-Boobs.  It’s one thing to politely interrupt and request some time, it’s quite another to creepily stand in the doorway with wet-dog hair and stare until the other girl panics and leaves.  During the movie premiere, Michelle talked smack about everyone and declared her own victory.  Creepily, she described she and Brad doing the hibidibity in Tahiti.  Seriously, someone call security.

In other tear-soaked news, Chantal got some alone time at the wrap party, and immediately started crying about her dad.  Brad definitely digs a vulnerable girl, so when she gave him the “give it to me look” they made out like Dawson’s Creek characters.  Maybe he’s into the saltiness.

Emily the Angel let everyone in on her heartbreaking back story, contributing to the Atlantic Ocean of tears being released this episode.   Did someone call for a tsunami warning during taping?

Brad took Emily on a one-on-one date starting with a leer jet to wine country.  If he only knew how uncomfortable that made everyone.  She hid her nerves because she didn’t want to seem ungrateful, like a true Southern Lady.

During lunch, Brad tried asking Emily some questions to get to know her, but she deflected them like a CIA agent being interrogated.   The date cut from lunch to dinner.  What happened in between?

Just as Brad reached his max with Emily’s deflection at dinner, she opened up and told him everything.   Once she those flood gates were open, she could not stop talking (the bottle of wine she downed right after probably helped).  The more she talks, the more enamored he becomes with her.  Brad offered her a rose with a huge “PLEASE” and he seemed nervous she wouldn’t take it.  She said that even though there are still a lot of girls, he makes her feel like she’s the only one.  Talk about a perfect answer. 

I would need a therapist too if every single date I went on involved a discussion of deceased loved ones.  Luckily, Brad’s showed up and reviewed all the dates, and declared a “bingo” about Emily’s date.  They are laying on her frontrunner-ness pretty thick.

Brad walked into the cocktail party and sounded like he was about to cry telling everyone he was in a great mood.  Weird.

Alli revealed to Brad that she has a cheating father and a half sister that she didn’t know about, so she has trust issues.  Brad has never cheated on a woman—why would he need to as long as ABC keeps setting him up with 30 at a time?

Michelle was back to her lunacy, and stalked his one-on-ones with the other girls.  When she finally sat down with Brad, she declared they were in their first fight.  I hope he’s starting to see her crazy cracks, but he’s not all that bright, so probably not.

Madison was a wreck for days after hearing Emily’s story.  She felt like she was there because she “wants” love and some of the others “need” love, which made her want to self-eliminate.  For her serious talk with Brad, she took out her fangs and left them on the table.  Gross.  She seemed very sincere, and more than just a freak with fake vampire teeth.  However, she’s far too young for him anyway.

Then, Ashley H told Brad that if he is not 100% about her then send her home.  He started to panic that there was going to be a mass exodus out the door.  He awkwardly left their one-on-one time, then returned to kiss her soap-opera style.   Oh the drama.

Before the ceremony started, Brad told all the girls that anyone having second thoughts should not accept the rose.  That sure would have made his job easier, but nobody moved.

In the middle, Madison took off without a word to cry in the other room.  Brad was very kind to her as she was rejecting him.  She seemed overly concerned about the other girls.  Ah well, in the end she walked out on her own accord.  See ya at the After The Final Rose Show!

I can’t believe Kimberley went home before Meghan (who has a huge face).  Kim made a 180 from nice little blond girl, to super bitch in her exit interview.  At least she didn’t cry, but her sassiness was a bit much.  Meanwhile, Sarah P had the mascara river running like the Nile down her face.  That’s a good look to go with your Desperation Perfume.

Emily

Ashley S

Ashley H

“I know my accent is charming, but my singing voice is not”-Ashley S

“I’m not gonna lie, I hate them”-Michelle

“You have to be like, let’s watch football and then make out”-Alli

“She’s like this itty bitty Barbie, with the soul of Mother Teresa”-Brunette about Emily

Ashley S

Shawntel

Emily

Michelle

Chantal

Lisa

Jackie

Ashley H

Marissa

Britt

Alli

Lindsay

Meghan

Stacey