Empathy: The Reign of Sensitivity

The Fab 5...err 6...uh, never mind.
The Fab 5...err 6...uh, never mind.
Tarkan has some serious hair issues.
Tarkan has some serious hair issues.

The reign of empathy is upon us. Mock me you cannot sir, for I was once the subject of peer cruelty. The childish mob had rendered me meek, lowly and powerless. I had no control of the physical pressure applied to the left side of my head that fateful night. Lying there for hours, each minute cemented the curvature of my follicles. I awoke that morning in a daze; such deep sleep was never rewarded in such an unjust matter. I had no idea something was amiss with my cranium. To school I went unbeknownst the horror awaiting. My gentile sensibilities quiver for merely reminiscing of the deep cuts paid to me.

Never again will that classroom full of indifference, scoff and make jest of my ‘bedhead.’ The lawyer my parents hired was excellent; the superintendent of that school had never seen such a burdensome gag order. Every child in that classroom learned the power of law, and their parents ‘punitive compensation.’ I am responsible for removing the term…it is still so painful…the term “Frightwig” from all urban dictionaries. One can never be too careful when commenting of another’s hair.


I have had it up to my grey matter with regional racism. As a profound world traveler, I find the business of passports tedious. Is this not the 21st century? Are we not civilized by now? The CIA or Rupert Murdoch can triangulate where your position on this planet is by turning on a cell phone, yet we cannot end the practice of naturalization for Earthlings. Who the hell has a right to call me an Alien in France? I wasn’t born on Remulak, I am the descendent of Homo Erectus. It is unacceptable to be referred to as a citizen of such and such country, what blatant segregation! What Canadian citizens are superior to all, as if non-citizens are biological spawn, emerging from the ancient lake of Victoria?

To be considered a natural citizen of a specific region is akin to being classified as a particular species. I am not a Lhasa Apso, why do I need papers to enter Germany, I am not looking to start my own litter? I never did understand civil rights versus human rights. So only American’s have civil rights, and Columbians have what, coffee rights? Why don’t we all share Pangea Rights? Better yet, let’s abolish human centered rights and work toward co-existing rights. That way we do not have to worry about canine rights and feline rights; we must simplify and not complicate matters of living. Where is the Supreme Council of Specie Homogenization? I nominate Jane Fonda, Margaret Cho, Kony, Gordon Sumner (Sting) and Chaz Bono as the 5 person panel. If there is a deadlock between the four members, Chaz can play both sides to end the tie.

Lastly I wish to call an end to the genocide of bacteria. You purveyors of Purell anti-bacterial products are the most racist, divisive and bigoted humanoids of all. Bacteria have every bit as much as a right to this planet as we do. Bacteria are a model of society, living in harmony with one another, procreating at will, blind to fungi, true egalitarians. Who gave us the right to kill them at our discretion? We need a bacteria friendly environment, I am willing to strip to the buff and pose with Bacillus, Spirillum and Cephalotrichous. Join me in the pursuit to create STD, the Society for Transitioning to Diversity. Peace Out!

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
Rodney Dangerfield

Latest pose for STD: Free Bacteria
Latest pose for STD: Free Bacteria

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Comments 4 comments

Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 4 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

Yes, this one's funny :) Nicely done! "For he who'd make his fellow creatures wise /must always guild the philosophic pill" - W.S. Gilbert

Jason R. Manning profile image

Jason R. Manning 4 years ago from Sacramento, California Author

Hi Dave, it’s been awhile. Thanks for the look and comment, it was time to strike back at the powers that be. I had too much fun giggling to myself while writing this, my wife thought something was amiss. Cheers.

SubRon7 profile image

SubRon7 4 years ago from eastern North Dakota

Thank God you put that joke at the end (Good ole Rodney Dangerfield!) That was some rant, my friend, but, we all have to try to kick a little butt now and then. Thanks for a good read, Jason.

Jason R. Manning profile image

Jason R. Manning 4 years ago from Sacramento, California Author

Howdy James, I never know if some are going to take my serious posts as jest and my sarcastic posts as serious. Nevertheless, thank you for the compliment and I couldn’t resist Rodney, I chuckle every time I see that quote. Hubpages is a great source for writing spin offs, If one is ever stuck in a rut, start reading from any topic. Thanks again friend.

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