Everything I Needed To Know About Motherhood, I Learned From Nicole Richie
Have Nicole and Joel Forgotten anything?
As a girl, I remember reading stories about women in third world countries who would give birth to their children, wrap them up in cotton swathes, strap them on their backs, or fronts, and go out into the fields to continue working the very same day. At the time I was awed and shocked at the hardship that these brave and forever unknown women went through. Their strength inspired me, and the lack of compassion and support from the society that surrounded them stunned me. Those women were prime examples of both the heights of feminine strength, and the lows of the human condition - that is, until I heard about Nicole Richie.
Nicole Richie was a party girl for many years before she stole Hilary Duff's boyfriend and accidentally got knocked up. In those pre pregnancy glory days, she lost vast amounts of weight, no doubt making those field tilling women look positively chubby by comparison. Yet, when she became pregnant, she accepted being knocked up with all the grace of a girl who knew her promiscuity was going to come back and bite her in the ass one day.
She looked good pregnant, as those few extra pounds covered her skeleton once more from our gaze, making her look almost human. Then, inevitably, the baby was born, a little girl named Harlow Winter Joel Madden. Many thought that this was it for Nicole Richie, that she would fade into motherhood, shy away from the limelight, and devote her time and attention to caring for the tiny human life she spawned in her womb.
But no, Nicole surprised us all by going on a strict diet immediately to lose all that nasty baby weight, and soon after the birth of her daughter, left her in the care of a nanny to attend, not one, not two, not three, but four parties in the space of just one weekend. Awed onlookers were recorded as commenting "It's almost as if they aren't parents."
Now that, my dear readers, is dedication. Those soppy field working mothers wrap their babies up and take them with them whilst they toil away to make a few cents to buy food for their tables and put a rickety roof over their heads. But Nicole, she is made of sterner stuff. She has no problem leaving a one month old baby at home with a nanny whilst she goes out and does what is truly important, partying.
Ladies, its time to put those babies down and put those party shoes on! Motherhood is evidently something best enjoyed several miles away from the baby, and through a fog of diet pills and alcohol.
(And doesn't she just look so pretty in the pictures? Now that's what I call having your priorities sorted.)
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