How NOT to Fall Flat on your Face in the Snow!

It's a crisp winter's morning. The sky is dark, threatening more snow. Evidence of yesterday's blizzard lies peacefully all over, converting cars, rooves, trees and benches into identical white lumps. The footpaths are deserted as families shut themselves in and snuggle by the fire in attempt to escape from Jack Frost nipping at their little toes. All is calm in the streets of Newcastle.

But not for long. Me and my sister must bravely venture out into Narnia in order to let our puppy, Monty, do nature's business. Wrapped up head to toe in thick scarves and woolen jumpers, we step out onto the crunchy ground and feel the frosty air sharply penetrate our lungs.

The descent begins. In places, the snow has worn down to thin layers of slippy ice, barely visible to the human eye. I have a strange feeling these suede boots weren't the best idea... Still, I soldier on - envying my sister with her warm UGG boots - until all of a sudden, there it is, looming in front of us like a storm cloud over a haunted castle: "Death Alley".

"Well, that's what everyone calls it, anyway," my sister is saying. "Come on, it's the quickest way to the field." Taking my sister's word for it, I step uncertainly onto the ice-rink and begin my slow and wobbly walk down this narrow footpath. "Come on, woman, hurry it up! You- AH!" comes my sister's voice from in front. I momentarily prize my concentration away from the ground beneath me to see what's going on. "God!" she's laughing. "I nearly fell, then. It' so slippy!" I begin to laugh and take the mick out of her. "Ahh, I nearly fell!" I'm teasing."Look, I'm slipping...ahh...hahaha...Watch m- AHH!!"

My feet have suddenly left the ground. They're way up in the sky somewhere, my arms flying out to the side. Next thing, all I see is white. "Am I dead? Is this heaven?"...Nope. I'm only lying face down in the snow, flat on my stomach. I dig my face out of the snow, brush myself down, sit up and watch my sister cross her legs as she creases up in laughter. I begin to laugh myself, which then turns into absolute hysterics when I see the state of myself. My jeans? Soaked. My hair? soaked. My torso? Yep. Soaked. My bum really hurts, too. Why, I'll never know, because I found myself lying on my front...ah, the mysteries of slipping in the snow.

My sister is obliged to hold my hand on the journey home after several similar events occur before we've even gotten out of Death Alley.

HOW NOT TO FALL FLAT ON YOUR FACE IN THE SNOW!!

1. Please, wear decent footwear. You saw the mistake I made...Wellies would be most appropriate, because they're designed especially for places like Death Alley! UGGs, perhaps. But choice of trainers, suede boots or, indeed, high heels, may be regretted much later on...
   
2. Don't mess around! I've now learnt not to mock people and pretend to slip over whilst waking on glacier-like ground. What goes around comes around!
   
3. Watch where you're going. If you wish to stop and admire the beautiful scenery, please do so while stationary...admiring scenery whilst in motion can lead to cold, wet consequences.
   
4. Plan a safe route! "Yeah, let's go down Death Alley!"...hmm...
   
5. Slow down! Please, for you and your bum's safety, save skipping, jumping, running, bouncing, springing, skidding and attempted ice skating for another time!

And rule number 6: stay safe, but have fun! Merry Xmas!

Dec 19th 2009 By Daniella Wood