How To Avoid Jehovas Witnesses

Simple Ways To Get Rid Of Them!!

Have you ever been disturbed by Jehovas Witnesses knocking on your door?

Its always at the most inconvenient time isn't it, and if that aint the worst part, you answer the door because you did not see who it was knocking.

Then they give you the talk about how Jesus saves and how your going to hell and they are right and you are wrong, when all you want to do is get back to the show or film you were watching on the TV, because its getting to a good bit and you dont want to miss it do you?

Well they know this you see, because they read the TV guide as well and always choose to annoy you at the most crucial part of a film, so I have come up with my simple way to get rid of them....

How to get rid of a Jehovas witness in 3 minutes lol

Best thing to do when they knock on the door is as follows:

1 take a carving knife and cover it in tomato ketchup

2 Answer the door

3 Get some one to scream in the background

4 When the witness talks to you, turn and tell the person screaming "Get back on that alter, I need to sacrifice you for the future happiness of my life"

5 Witness runs away

6 Close door.

7 Celebrate....

Works every time and now they never come, and can watch my television in peace and quiet without being made to feel guilty for enjoying myself...

Honestly the worst part about it is that if you wanted them to contact you in the first place you would have gone to them...

There is of course another way to get rid of them,

When they knock on your door answer it and say " I am so sorry but I am really busy at this moment in time, so if you give me your address I will come and knock on you when I get a spare moment." They soon get the hint..

You could also tell them that you are gay and proud, that seems to have an effect on them too...

Here are some great ones from youtube they are hilarious

There are hundreds more of these videos but these are my favourites, have a good look about and see what you can find will help you to evade being disturbed by Jehovas Witnesses....

Good Luck :)

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Comments 17 comments

profile image

The Writers Dog 5 years ago

Another way I find works well, is to tell the truth: that I am transgender (transsexual) Spiritualist. Then all I have to deal with is the dust left by their hasty departure :)

Voting up

calpol25 profile image

calpol25 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

I like that one TWD :)

Thanks for voting me up :)

Disappearinghead profile image

Disappearinghead 5 years ago from Wales, UK

Very funny.

Jeff Berndt profile image

Jeff Berndt 5 years ago from Southeast Michigan

See, if the JWs (or anyone else) comes to the door when I'm busy, I get rid of them like this:

"Sorry, this isn't a good time to visit. Have a good day, now."

And they always leave politely.

Granted, this isn't anywhere near as funny as your suggestion, but it's always worked for me. :)

calpol25 profile image

calpol25 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

Thank you both for commenting I just felt I had too write this hub because it is what I do when they knock lol :)

Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

Very funny hub. I will try some of your tactics! Great!

34th Bomb Group 5 years ago

Hi Cal - believe if or not I live between a no longer used Catholic Church & an old broken down Episcopal number.

If they catch me out I tell them they'll never get me 'cause THEY (the Catholics,) got me before I was born & give up & go away. That usually does the trick.

If they're REALLY RUDE I say bye & disappear.

calpol25 profile image

calpol25 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

lol thanks for commenting 34th bomb group

I always look forward to your comments, I love how you handle them when they knock on your door too lol :)

CASE1WORKER profile image


I have another way and we dont get visited now.

I stand in the warm hallway- they stand outside preferably in the snow or rain.

I ask them to read from bible for a long time- I invite them to our church and then ask for another reading- they mumble apologies and leave.

Seems to be working.

leroy64 profile image

leroy64 5 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

I live in a predominately Hispanic neighborhood; and, Jehovah's Witnesses are active. About every two weeks a group stops by. When they find out I am not Hispanic - when they see my face - they assume I cannot speak Spanish and leave. I get a kick out of that.

Joy56 profile image

Joy56 5 years ago

well what do you know a Jehovah's Witness has found you even on here......

you can give them your name and address and ask them not to call, that works well too......

Enjoy your telly viewing. Loved your comment in the forums about the mince pies, my mum was great at making them too........

Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

Funny-I actually began to talk with them about my own religious beliefs, Buddhism...their eyes get wide and they stop and move on. LOL

alian346 profile image

alian346 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

They never come near here - I wonder why?


calpol25 profile image

calpol25 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

Did you Mabel them???? Thats maybe why they did not come lol :)

alian346 profile image

alian346 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

I'll tell her!


calpol25 profile image

calpol25 5 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland, UK (At Home With My Wonderful Partner) Author

You should she will probably love it :) xxx

freecampingaussie profile image

freecampingaussie 5 years ago from Southern Spain

We used to get kids come to the door & say " Mummy said to tell you she isnt at home " so we would say " You tell Mummy we never called " or they would hide behind something & we would see their feet sticking out ! I didn't think we looked that scary !

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