How To Handle Rejections, Poorly.

The following images were created using an imitation rejection letter, no actual rejection letters were injured or otherwise molested for this article.

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STEP #1.Physically destroying rejection letters offers catharsis. Be careful!STEP #2.Burning rejection letters also can bring some resolution. Be careful!STEP #3.Pulling out hair is an old stand by, not intended for use with bald people.
STEP #1.Physically destroying rejection letters offers catharsis. Be careful!
STEP #1.Physically destroying rejection letters offers catharsis. Be careful!
STEP #2.Burning rejection letters also can bring some resolution. Be careful!
STEP #2.Burning rejection letters also can bring some resolution. Be careful!
STEP #3.Pulling out hair is an old stand by, not intended for use with bald people.
STEP #3.Pulling out hair is an old stand by, not intended for use with bald people.

So they finally got around to letting you know you weren't picked?

So you entered a writing contest, or an art contest, or some other sort of application that you've been waiting ever so eagerly by the mailbox or inbox for, and you've finally recieved a letter stating you were not picked.

There are three ways to irrationally deal with this rejection.

First, make a copy of your rejection letter. You do not want to destroy the actual letter because one day when you have finally "arrived" and you're sitting in your candy-cane shaped jacuzzi, drinking from snifters and bantering with your fellow successful authors and artists about your most recent lucrative conquest; you can then summon your butler to retrieve "the old book of rejection letters". At this point you can look at all the names and organizations that passed on you when you were young and inexpensive and eager to please publishers and production companies.

"Haha, look the San Bernardino Valley Authority passed up your skills back in 1998 when you sketched out a giant moldering grapefruit that was to represent the dichotomy of decimating communism while still granting corporate welfare to clearly communist endeavors. Pshaw!" Bellows Elizabeth Diana Goldworthy the famous stainless steel fruit artist, as she empathizes with your citric proposal from years past.

Now after indulging in a fantasy as exemplified above, take the copy of said rejection letter and carry it outside preferably to a shed or some other private place where your screams of agony and suffering can not be easily eaves dropped upon.

Please follow all safety precautions, including but not limited to safety goggles, sharpening of blades and any other manufacturers directions for implements of rejection letter destruction.

Generally the following order of catharsis is recommended:

1. Place rejection letter upon an old stump or some other such surface. Proceed to chop up said letter with a hatchet, machete or other such cutting device, taking care not to cut yourself, as well as keeping the letter in one piece. If you have cut it up into a cheesecloth like texture and retained the letter still in one piece, congratulate yourself as having succeeded in something today.

2. Have a fire extinguisher and metal container on hand. Take remains of rejection letter and gingerly light one of the corners, again taking extra care not to burn yourself. Watch in glee as fibrous communique smolders in effigy.

3. If you have any hair left after all these years of consistent rejection, perform hair-pulling maneuver, careful not to pull out all your hair, as you will want to save some for the next rejection letter.

You do not need to follow these three steps. You will not receive a rejection letter stating that the "record of your attempt will be kept on file, in case of future use". You will on the other hand, find it difficult if not impossible to cut apart an already carbonized rejection letter. Feel free to pull your hair out at any or all stages of decimating your rejection letter.


This concludes the process of How To Handle Rejection, Poorly. As a sidenote, you can perform this cathartic ritual for other let downs as well such as: being turned down for a marriage proposal, not getting that raise you practically had to beg for and/or watching your life savings disappear overnight because of the influx of rich kids "playing" the stock market at the expense of your retirement security. I suggest again you make a copy of the documents that signify this failure, a copy of an engagement ring reciept perhaps, or maybe a copy of the "Mission Statement" from your investment firm or place of employment.

Take utmost care in going through these steps of catharisis. You want to be in one piece when in the near future you reminisce about all the hard times you had to get to be in the luxurious state of exaltation you're in today. Enjoy!



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Comments 19 comments

privateye2500 profile image

privateye2500 7 years ago from Canada, USA, London

How To Handle Rejections, Poorly.

Does this apply to people too? :}

That is what I thought this was about at first glance! - lol


Maggie Butler profile image

Maggie Butler 7 years ago from Little Ole' Iowa

OMG..... SO GOOD. You think like I do...just better words. HEE HEE. I wanted to see if I made in money on Adsense the other day and checked it out. I made a whole .01. Probably the most I will ever make...ever. I (of course), printed it off and will frame it.

Haven't had a rejection letter yet... but then, it probably would help to submit one of my writings to be published, first. Ha Ha. When I do get that rejection letter, I will proceed to your (No. 3) solution. Yeah... my hair does need to be thinned out a little.

Great Hub.....


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 7 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Private Eye2500, in someways this does apply to people, although I wouldn't suggest involving the hatchet! LOL!

Maggie, a penny gained is a penny, aw shucks what's a penny but a gram of real luck! I hope you dare to enter into whatever endeavor that may result in your success or failure, and I hope you never get the rejection letter. But if you do, take it to heart that you are in solid company! Thanks for the warm compliment!

Ben


Raven King profile image

Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

Haha, wow. These are good suggestions because I think the worst way to handle a rejection letter is to let it discourage your artistic prowess! Say, HELL no to negative anchors, banish them to where the sun doesn't shine. :)


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 7 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Thanks Raven, I agree, artists shouldn't relent their courage. Now you'll have to pardon me, I have to go sharpen my hatchet and get ready for the next round of letters!


Wendi M profile image

Wendi M 7 years ago from New Hampshire

LOL Ben...great sense of humor!


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 7 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Thanks Wendi, great name! I have a sister Wendy, not too many of you out there. I'm going to tell her about your spelling/version! Thanks for the compliment! Helps me keep my chin up!


bat115 profile image

bat115 6 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

I will probably be putting this advice to use in 2010 as I hope to submit some short stories to various magazines. I know... I should try to be positive.


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Congratulations are in order once you get them in the mail/email. It's not easy putting yourself out there I know bat115, there's a lot of worry involved. But the feeling of accomplishment is something, at least a big step in the right direction.

Positivity and humor will save us all!!!


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 6 years ago from England

Hi Ben, I had to laugh, I know just how you feel. I have been rejected a few times (the writing, not me !) well.. anyway, one of the first times I did get accepted, it was a poem for an anthology, I jumped around the room like a kangaroo, leapt out my front door, and banged on about twenty peoples front doors! They were very enthusiastic! especially the ones that did'nt know who the hell I was.....cheers Nell


magnoliazz profile image

magnoliazz 6 years ago from Wisconsin

I love your sense of humor, you are really funny! Oh...the most interesting people live in Wisconsin!


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Nell Rose, congrats on your acceptance to something! I know what you mean, some people just don't understand!

Thanks magnoliazz, I do try and sometimes, it seems to work, makes me laugh a little anyway! I agree, there are a lot of interesting (some very strange) people living in Wisconsin!


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 6 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

I have no troubles handling rejection poorly, but you have actually given me guidelines for it! Thanks!


Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

Ghost Whisper 77 6 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

I handle rejection just fine! I have been rejected by lovers, my family, my friends, my children. I dunno why?..but I am a now a certified professional on rejection. Loved the hub!


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Mike: Seeing as you are in the same industry as myself, I figured you'd have a handle on rejection, it goes with the territory!

Ghostwhisper77: Congratulations on the most terrifying profile pic yet, I do not reject your morbid inclination, I am from Wisconsin home of Jeffrey Dahmer and Ed Gein, glad you enjoyed the hub!


Ghost Whisper 77 profile image

Ghost Whisper 77 6 years ago from The U.S. Government protects Nazi War Criminals

This is an ugly face I met one evening in Las Vegas. Who would of thunk it? Could it be possible that I am being rejected because of this? he he he


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

GhostWhisper77: still haven't made it to Las Vegas, you have given me one more reason though! Lots of people enjoy a dark sense of humor, so it couldn't have been THAT! (or could it have? hehe)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

Nice one... Well done :-))


Ben Zoltak profile image

Ben Zoltak 6 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA Author

Thanks De Greek, I try to abide!

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