How to Become A Really Bad Actor

The Acting Bug
The Acting Bug

The Acting Bug

 

It's true. Almost everyone who goes into show business has been, at some point, "bitten by the Acting Bug." This phraseology - "bitten by the Acting Bug" - is apropos, as the bite victim suffers something akin to an anaphylactic reaction pronounced by delirium, feverishness, and hallucinations of money, fame, idolatry , and preternatural fantasies of "opposite sex" attraction not even dreamed of by Casanova. Want your pick of women, men, or both? Become an actor! Want to bask in the glory of love and adulation? Become an actor! Want to be thrilled by the smell of the crowd and the roar of the greasepaint? Become an actor! It is understandable then, that this fantasy world attracts an inordinate number of suitors and guileless dreamers.

Most victims are in their early teens, which is good, because there is much work to be done to even give yourself a remote chance of making it big. It is a well known estimation that 90% of professional actors in AEA (Actor's Equity Association - the stage actor's union) are unemployed at any given time (The Complete Idiots Guide to Acting, Baldwin, Malone, & Malone, pg. 322). So modern wisdom suggests - to help beat these odds - that actors get started early gaining experience, studying, and learning the craft of acting.

Scenes From An Actor's Life

Putting on Theatrical Make-up
Putting on Theatrical Make-up
Auditioning
Auditioning
Sign at audition
Sign at audition

Learning the Actor's Craft

 

Let's imagine (Hey! You want to be an actor? You're going to have to imagine a lot of things, like actually getting a job) that you engage in a rigorous training regimen in order to become a really good actor. You study, you practice, you sing, you speak, you dance, you breathe, you vocalize, you pound the pavement, you audition, you knock on agent's doors, you get constantly rejected, and where are you? Unemployed, that's where. I began to study this conundrum, and what I found shocked me: A really good actor has no better chance at hitting the big time than a really bad actor does, and the bad actor has it a heck of a lot easier and didn't blow more than $200,000 bucks on the finest acting schools and training.

This revelation hit me like a divine inspiration. I vowed then and there to help all budding thespians avoid the pitfalls that have plagued the multitudes of star catchers before them. What's that? No, no. Boy actors are called thespians too. So what is a bad actor or, better yet, who are the successful really bad actors working on stage and screen today? Everyone has their own idea of who is good and who is bad and the Internet is choked with people naming names, which I will not lower myself to do here (Macaulay Culken; Jeanne Claude Van Damme; Hilary Duff; Hugh Grant; Parker Posey; Stephen Segal; Jennifer Lopez; Orlando Bloom; Brittany Spears; Ben Affleck; Melanie Griffith; Ashton Kutcher; Pamela Anderson; Paul Walker; Andie MacDowel; Hayden Christensen; Jessica Simpson; Sylvester Stallone; Paris Hilton; and the number 1 really bad actor...Tom Cruise!) Yes, yes, I know. Cruise was pretty good in Born on the Fourth of July, but just as a really good actor can uncharacteristically give a bad performance, a really bad actor can accidentally give a good one.

And that is why I have developed my program to train you as a really bad actor. I will first show you how the really good actor prepares for his life "treading the boards" or "lighting up the silver screen." Then I will show you the new way, developed by me, guaranteed to turn you into a really bad actor, so bad that you wont be able to act your way out of a wet paper bag, and maybe, just maybe, achieve the superstardom you covet.

"Our Town" by Thornton Wilder

The world's most produced play
The world's most produced play

The First Steps Toward a Successful Acting Career

Upon being bitten by the acting bug as a teen, if you want to be an RGA (really good actor) begin getting acting experience wherever you can. Try out for the school plays and enter the talent shows. If there are theatre classes available, take them. Begin studying Shakespeare and reading the great playwrights such as Ibsen, Chekhov, Aristophanes, etc. If there is a community theatre in your town, sign up to move sets, help paint, and anything else needed. Attend a summer theatre camp.

As a future RBA (Really Bad Actor) and one of my model students, you see these activities as a waste of time that puts a major cramp in your style. What do you care about Eugene O'Neill or Arthur Miller? Bunch of old farts. Man, there's football, cheerleading, pep rallies, parties, driving around and scoring beer, video games, and dating. You're a kid, so be a kid. You'll learn a lot more about life by living it rather than playing citizen number 3 in the Podunk Playhouse's production of Our Town by Thornton whats-his-name.

Yale University
Yale University
I made the cover of the Globe Democrat Sunday magazine at 19 yrs. old. That's me at the top with the red lei. Center left with the red hair ribbon is my wife.
I made the cover of the Globe Democrat Sunday magazine at 19 yrs. old. That's me at the top with the red lei. Center left with the red hair ribbon is my wife.
Detail from above photo. We were mortified. Hey, we got room and board too!
Detail from above photo. We were mortified. Hey, we got room and board too!

Selecting a University Acting Program

 

The RGA will attend one of a handful of Universities or College's nationally recognized as having an outstanding Theatre Arts Department. Julliard and Yale School of Drama top the list and cost about $45,000/year, but what the hey, your mamma's rich and your daddy's good lookin' and you'll be sucking at their teat for a long, long time. There are a few other schools that excel in training for the actor. Here, you will live, eat and breathe theatre in a concentrated curriculum. You'll begin to study dance: Ballet, modern jazz, and tap. Singing lessons. Acting classes. Vocalization class. Voice and Speech. Movement. Script analysis. You'll study improvisation . You'll lay on your back for an hour every morning and learn how to breathe all over again, because you've been doing it wrong all these years. And you'll act. In plays, scenes, workshops, in the classrooms, the commons, and dorm rooms. Don't forget psychology, for what is acting after all but the study of human behavior? You'll go away during the summers to perform in summer stock for $35 and a dream, where you are also a stagehand and crew member. After 4 years you'll be a well-rounded actor and your body a finely tuned instrument..

The savvy RBA will recognize all this hubbub as a crock of crap. You don't stand a chance of getting into Julliard or Yale or any other fine theatre schools. Most state universities have theatre programs - just not great ones - and what difference does it make anyway? Look at Playboy's list of the Top Ten Party Schools and flip a coin. Enroll in the theatre program, sure. It's a great place to cut class and there are a lot of hotties who think their fine looks make them a shoo-in for success and fame. You want to finely tune a body, just not your own. Are you going to waste an hour pretending like you're walking through jello? Hell no! To be or not to be partying tonight, that is the question. Hark, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliette is gonna be at the party! Did I mention the finely tuned bodies? It's just an extension of high school, only this time you're on your own. Don't blow it on something as stupid as acting class.

Cattle Calls

Hitchcock called actors "cattle". Open auditions became known as cattle calls.
Hitchcock called actors "cattle". Open auditions became known as cattle calls.
An actual cattle call.
An actual cattle call.
You'll need this to find the "cattle calls."
You'll need this to find the "cattle calls."
Meet your new agent. Note the new Dr. Martens boots. A dead giveaway.
Meet your new agent. Note the new Dr. Martens boots. A dead giveaway.

Acting on the East or West Coast

 

Now that you've graduated, as an RGA you'll have to decide between New York and Los Angeles. If you want to act on the stage, you go to N.Y.C. If you want to act in films, you go to LA. They intersect some of course, but you might as well start out where you want to be the most. Both are expensive propositions. Hopefully mommy and daddy's well hasn't run dry and they're still amused at your childish antics. Otherwise, you'll have to work. When you arrive in your new city, you'll probably get a job right away...as a waiter. That's Ok. It's expected. Your studies haven't ended however and they never will. You'll enroll in acting class, dance classes, and more singing lessons. You need head shots - pictures - by a professional photographer, and then hundreds of 8x10's and postcards. You pick up the trade paper "Backstage" and go to every open call audition (referred to as "cattle calls") listed for the week. You pick up the Ross Reports (listings of agents) and start knocking on their doors. The agents tell you not to do this, but do this you must, every day if necessary, until they "see" you just to get rid of you. Every month you send out your picture postcards to hundreds of agents. You'll start to get some "Showcases", small productions where you invite agents and friends to come and see you. You wont be paid of course, but you'll be thrilled at the opportunity. To some degree, this routine will be required for the rest of your life, even if you become "famous."

My RBA's are already snickering. You've arrived in LA (New York is out of the question for you) and you have important matters to decide, like, "Where does Paris Hilton hang out? Where's the beach? Which nightclub is the hottest? What should my new name be? Jackie Vital?" You still look good, don't you? Of course you do and that's all that matters. All you have to do is hang out where you will be seen. Let the agents come to you. You are that fabulous! Hollywood is full of stories of stars discovered just buying a soda, or hanging at the beach, and YOU ARE NEXT. You don't need to learn how to act. Just practice wearing sunglasses and dancing around in your tighty whities. And what's this about portraying different characters? Stanislavsky Schmovski. Characters? What? You only need to play one character and that is you. Play it well and they'll let you play it over and over again and they'll pay you bucket loads of money.

The Curtain Goes Up

By now, hopefully you see the logic, sense, and downright brilliance of becoming a Really Bad Actor. The world of dreams awaits, and the dreams are very real. I cannot guarantee your success, of course. That will depend on how closely you follow my program. What I can promise you is that by following my guidelines you stand as good a chance as anybody. Stranger things have happened, my friend. Very strange indeed. As you begin your journey to superstardom, I leave you with these words: Don't break a leg!

Celebrity Endorsements

"Wow! I'm like...flattered...and stuff." - Keanu Reeves

"Almost as good as Scientology." - Tom Cruise

"Christoph is hot." - Paris Hilton

"Yo." Sylvester Stallone

"He told me to bare my soul...to bear it all." - Pamela Anderson

"I met Damon there. That changed everything." Ben Affleck

"He said I had calipygian assets. I don't know what that means." - Jennifer Lopez

Upcoming Seminars with Christoph

Check my website www.youractingsucks.com for updates and schedule changes.

New York City, The Casting Couch Works, January 2nd - 9th

Los Angeles, Dude, Where's My Tan, February 15th - 22nd

Chicago, What The Hell You Doing In Chicago?, March 3rd - 21st SOLD OUT!

Podunk, So, This Is Podunk, April 1st

Des Moines, Keanu Reeves: Olivier Reincarnated?, May 11th - 18th

More by this Author


Comments 46 comments

julia ward profile image

julia ward 8 years ago from Florida

Christoph,

BRAVO!!! In fact, brilliant!

While discussing some trite remark I made last night, it was brought to my attention that is not "how good your good game is", but "how good your bad game is" that utlimately controls your fate.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm......

Now, I can not only write badly but act badly and still be wildly famous and obnoxious. Who knew?

blessings,

julia

julia wrad - a BLINDING heart - a writer's blog - www.ablindingheart.com


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

I still think you look like Brett Spiner...

Are you sure you aren't him? If you are him, can I have your autograph?


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Chris where have you been all my life, I'm the worst bad actor (hmm perhaps that should be best bad actor ) that you would never want to see acting!

Man you must be good if Sly gave you the big "yo"

Where do I sign and who do I pay.

Spryte:- Not bad , but wearing that stetson I'd probably go with "Roy Rogers"?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Julia: Once again, you are too kind, but I am happilly susceptible to flattery, choosing to believe every good thing someone says about me. So Thanks! Nice to see you here.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Spryte: You think I look like Brett Spiner from that teeny weenie picture? Ok, I've been discovered. Who do you want the autograph made out to?

AG: I'm going to give everyone a chance to choose my new avatar next, so stay tuned. I don't think you need any more RBA training. Are you hanging out at the right clubs? Have you been spotted suspiciously close to Nicole Kidman on several occasions? Try that and get back to me.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

What's so good about Nicole Kidman ? Don't you know what they do with they worst of the litter. Hmmmm. Yeah man we keep the best for ourselves! The others go to America! NOW are you jealous?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Nice try, Ag. Nicole has one sister and she is not as fine. I have seen her.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Depends on your taste I guess! Maybe not as classical as Nick but I find her much more attractive. I feel sometimes someone or something can be too beautiful, perhaps there is so much beauty and are put on such a high pedestals that they become untouchable! That's just my opinion anyway!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

A very nicely written, super informative hub with just the right amount of humor to keep it flowing smooth as beer on tap. I guess I kinda had an idea that's what sorta happened kind of thing (it's remarkably similar to what it takes to write... I guess it's just an artist's life), but the details were ... well ... either fascinating or depressing, lol.

I think this would be really useful to someone thinking about acting, standing on the brink of deciding if they really plan on doing it or if they are just kidding themselves. Give them that little shove. Great work man. I hope you used all the right keywords and stuff to keep this in search engine eyes, so that this really pays dividends for you and for the people who need to see it most.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ag: I didn't mean to get into a big thing about Nicole Kidman. I just think she's good looking, and I don't remember what her sis looks like. Just making conversation, and I couldn't think of another Aussie. I could have talked about Steve Irwin.

Shade: Thanks for the encouragement. I know what you mean. I started to write a real thing about how to become a professional actor, but there is so much information out there already. So I decided to come at it backwards. I didn't like my first draft. It was cynical (which this is too and that's OK) but also seemed excessively bitter. It's one thing to be bitter and quite another for people to know about it. So I struggled to put more humor into it. I didn't really believe my premise, but after I was finished,  I almost believed it. There is some truth to it. People pray on aspiring actors (and you're right again, writers too, or any artful endeavor, because the aspiring "artist" is driven to do it no matter what. There are vultures out there waiting for the starry-eyed kids. It's pathetic. It's a plague. Lambs to the slaughter and all that. It was sort of a joke to myself that this mythical Christoph, who will save them all this wasted money, has his hand out too. Don't give your money to those people...give it to me. This sounds corny, but if this keeps a couple of kids from making the wrong decision...(you know the rest.)

Thanks again for the compliments and your always thoughtful and astute obsevations.


t.keeley profile image

t.keeley 8 years ago from Seattle, WA

Because my 'rents were never rich, nor did some benevolent businss owner indulge me with their wallet I never made it into the schools I had pretty much dreamed of for so long. Graduated third in my class, went on to pursue a Biology degree at an obscure (and while the major I was in at the school was good, the school is not one I recommend) college. Honestly, it really does hurt a lot to see some people I know rolling in dough, never working a day of their lives, and attending opportunistic universities while slackening off the entire road thru their four years. Whether they have good grades or not, slacking off is still a low character flaw.

Sorry, probably not on topic, but I had to say it. It's a hole in my heart that never really got repaired...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

t.keeley: It's not really off topic. I know exactly whereof you speak, although I can't speak directly to Biology. I know so many people who are truly great actors but for whatever reason, never made the big time, but they are still plugging away as I describe above. And it's (I'm not going to say) YEARS LATER! I was always annoyed by people who came from other things and became actors with all these opportunities. Sports figures come to mind. If they're actually good, then OK, but most of them are not. Thanks for stopping in and the comment. Sorry about the hole in your heart. Try being cynical and bitter instead. It doesn't hurt as much!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Sorry cobber just yanking your chain????. Steve who?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Wasn't Steve Irwin the Crockadile Hunter? The guy who got stung by the sting ray and died?


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

Yep. Definitely the crocdile hunter. Isn't Mel Gibson an Aussie, or am I imagining that one?

Great Hub Christoph. I'll sign up now. I can certainly act with the worst of 'em!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Amanda: Yes, he is. I remember the original Mad Max very well. Boy, I spelled crocodile so wrong up there. Thanks for stopping by and the comment. Good to see you. I definitely need to catch up on your latest hubs.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Sorry mate its that chain thing again, just can't help myself! You are very correct about Steve Irwin he is a great hero of mine !  Very sad story indeed. We do claim Mel Gibson as an Aussie but I believe he was born here but his father is an American!.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

I didn't know Mel's father was a yank.


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Although I saw the humor, I still came away with a mild case of sadness. Maybe because there's so much truth to what you say, and this truth gets played out in nearly all walks of life, at least in those that don't require professional certification and licensing. I'm thinking of a particular past co-worker, the executive "pretty boy" type. He had quite a knack for hanging out at the right golf courses and stadium skyboxes, and a certain way with the lady bosses, but not a lot of business smarts.

I think what really got to me, though, was remembering my teen years, hanging out on the street corners with girlfriends, all of us singing our hearts out believing it was just a matter of time before we were discovered as the next hot rock group. Now that I look back on it, we just didn't spend enough time humming and snapping our fingers in the right soda fountain. :(

As always, thumbs up!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

So glad I was never bitten by this bug. I've been told I have a face for radio, so maybe voiceovers would my millieu. Whaddaya think?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Fab Hub Christoph, and everything you are saying is accurate. I was once offered the chance to be signed by an agent with a view to starting out in adverts, TV etc, problem was he made it pretty clear at the interview that he did 'like to sleep with his girls on occasion, and didn't expect them to say no'. The guy was a weasely, ugly, sleazy, little man who made my flesh creep, and as I was living with a boyfriend at the time too, I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Couldn't relax until I got back off the train again at Bromley South. A few days later this guy's colleague phoned me up trying to arrange for me to come in for further discussions and pictures etc, but I refused to take the call and got my boyfriend to explain why not. Almost immediately after he got off the phone, the guy who had interviewed me phoned back trying to claim I must have misunderstood etc etc. Anyway, my boyfriend made it clear I was definitely not interested and that was the last we heard.

As my Mum (a Proffessional Singer who cut records with Columbia) always said, 'if you can't make it on your talent, then it isn't worth making it at all'.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Sally! Always a pleasure to see you. I certainly didn't want to make anybody sad, but it hadn't really occurred to me than it might be applicable to a lot of different people for a lot of different reasons. It's definitely not what I meant to write, which was just supposed to be humor. I guess there was too much personal truth for me that something - I'm not sure what - raised its ugly head.

I do want to make it clear that I don't regret my life in the theatre at all. It really wasn't ever about stardom, but just perhaps a better than comfortable living and a degree of success that wouldn't have you unemployed every month and scrambling for the next job. Of course, with that level of success as an actor comes a certain amount of stardom. They can't be seperated. I had it better than most. A well paying job as the voice of N.Y.C. dial the weather, dial the lottery, and the OTB result line (horse racing). It was a union job and they let me run off to do theatre whenever the bug itched. But I chucked it all when I hit 30, figuring I had given it 10 years and I was starting to get some success with writing and, heck, I could do that anywhere. I moved back to the mid-west, where I was known in the show biz community and, now that I didn't care about doing theatre anymore, suddenly found myself being pursued by everyone. I began doing a lot of commercials on television and the radio, and acting at one of the most respected regional theatres in the U.S. Plus I was writing industrial films for a creative agency, the first of which won three regional emmy awards. The "hotness" cooled and I began to do other things, though to this day I still occasionally do voice over work, write industrials films and produce, all on the other side, out of the limelight.

I didn't mean to tell my life story, but my point is I had an exciting life and I made a lot of great friends. In that picture, for example, I still talk to two of the people, I married one (many years later), two are lost to me, and two are dead. And I learned a lot along the way too. So, no regrets. A lot of "what if's" but everybody has that - if you're old enough. Anyway, I've babbled enough and it's probably boring as hell. It's just that all these kids keep coming and almost none of them will even get to where I was. Nothing can convince them that it won't be different for them, either. "Oh, I'll make it. I'm different. I'm special." Yes, you are, but that's not going to make you famous.

Anyway, thanks as always for stopping by. You know I look forward to your visits. I'll try to write something that's just funny next. Your admirer, CR.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

BT: Let's see. No. I see you ON CAMERA. It is well known that the ladies swoon over a furry jackalope and you are a natural. I'm thinking your own series. Do you feel your strength it in comedy or drama?

Misty: Thanks for stopping by. Well, at least that guy said what he wanted staight up. Now a days, in the States at least, that could get you into a heck of a lot of trouble. From how you describe him, I would say that that was his sole purpose for being "in the Business", since that is the only way he can "get some." (excuse the crudeness). There are predators galore in show biz. It's sad. You boyfriend should have gone and punched him in the kisser!

Thanks for writing and the comments.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

I have a love for and of drama!!  I was very active for many years in community theater and college plays.  We thought we were on broadway!!!  What talent we had   LOL

great hub drama is soo good for people...relieves stress, teaches patience and character.  Much talent is probably never discovered...what some go thru!! very interesting story here, =))


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Christoph, that's the beauty of writing. No matter how controlled we think we are, all manner of feelings leak through from the unconscious anyway. When we let these leaks coalesce on their own to create a bridge between ourselves and our readers, then this is what makes the writing powerful.

If the somber undercurrent in this piece of writing gives even one young, aspiring actor a reality check, then that will be sensational. However, as you say, the kids keep coming, and they believe, as kids have always believed, their dreams must come true, just as completely as they deny their own mortality.

I don't think you were babbling. You were simply providing that biographical detail that we all want to know about a favorite author.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Mariesue: It can be a great thing when done in the way that you describe. It's a lot of fun, you make a lot of friends, and you get confidence and on and on. It's only when you start to take yourself seriously that people need to do a "sound check," meaning check for a sound mind. Ha!

Thanks for the comment!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Sally: Awww, you lovely flatterer, you. It's too much, really. Or as the actor said, "But enough about me. What did you think of my performance!"

You're right about the kids beliefs in themselves and their futures, and there's both a beauty and a sadness about it. Thanks for your erudite remarks, as usual.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Sorry to butt in but I can't resist. Christoph, I have heard your performance is very good !!! Now, about your acting........ ;)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty! Naughty, naughty! I like it. Who told? I'll have to make sure there's a nice trinket in her silk stocking this Xmas!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Oooohhhh, silk stockings. I used to be known as "Cindy Stockings", because as a second generation Teddy Girl I always wore stockings rather than tights. I am guessing your better half will love to model those silk stockings for you :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

What's a Teddy Girl? She won't like to model them, but she'll like to wear them.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

Christoph, I think you forgot one tool to start these bad actors on their way to superstardom, I hope that's a word. They all need to make a homemade sex tape. That is a sure fire way as we have seen from the examples of Paris Hilton, Pamela anderson and others.


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 8 years ago from Hong Kong

Dear Chris,

you are talking about me. I can only act myself and no one thinks I act like myself. sigh.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Gosh, a Teddy Girl is an old fashioned Rock'n'Roller. You must know them, all the girls who used to jive to 50's an 60's music in their full circle skirts, petticoats and suspenders. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gwendymom: You're right. Homemade sex tapes would be perfect. I'll have to start having a seminar on that subject!

Benson: Whether it's you, or a representation of you is irrelevant. The important thing is that it's one guy, easy to identify with. Good luck on the road to fame and stardom!

Misty: I had never heard of that before, so I looked it up. Strictly a U.K. thing. Did you wear winkle pickers? The closest thing we had here were boy and girl greasers, but they were probably gone by the time you were a Teddy Girl (hanging with the Teddy Boys).


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Must have nodded off! Teddy girls , greasers. no dude they were Bodgies and Widgies!!! Lets rock around the clock


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh sure! All those Bodgies and Widgies listening to their rigamaroo and ballydink! I remember it like it was yesterday. Ah....good times...


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 8 years ago from Florida

Great hub!!  A friend of mine is an actor out in L.A., and I know he would get a kick out of this!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Anna: Glad you stopped by and glad you liked it. Please send it to your friend. Maybe he'll send it to his actor friends and it'll go viral. (I went viral once, but I ate some mold and felt fine!)

Thanks again!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

No Winkle Pickers for me Christoph, as being fairly petite I guess they would have looked like I was wearing a pair of canoes on my feet. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Darn, Misty. I was going to start calling you Wenkle Pickers! I love that name!


hot dorkage profile image

hot dorkage 8 years ago from Oregon, USA

It has very little to do with how good you are. It's who you know. So if you want to be an artist and work hard to ply your craft, fine but No one will care. Art is pretty much dead.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Wenkle?????


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hot Dorkage: It can be very frustrating to work so hard on technique, craft, etc., and then heve someone cut in line and "make" it.

Misty: You know what I meant: WINKLE pickers. Wee Willie WINKLE Pickers. (That's shoe for anyone reading this who doesn't know.)


justchecking 5 years ago

Your view on this is so cynical.

The people who really care do it because they don't care if they become famous.

They do it because when they are on stage, it is the one time they feel alive.

Maybe I'm naïve, and maybe I'll be proved wrong, but I don't think so.

Now go ahead and say it's never gonna happen.

Because I'll prove YOU wrong.


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Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

JustChecking: You and I do not disagree. This was written a long time ago and is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, and it is cynical, you are right. Probably overly so, but my point is (or was meant to be) that people should do it for exactly the reasons you state and NOT because they want to be famous. They are the people who do it because they don't care if they become famous" and "because when they are on stage, it is the one time they feel alive." Those are emotions that you and I share. The cynicism comes from my exasperation with people who go into it because they dream of the fame and glory, and my frustration is because they are often the people who make it.

I sincerely hope you do make it. But by doing so you will not prove me wrong, but right. Because you will have done it because you simply must. I was the same.

The best of luck to you.

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