Jillian The Bachelorette ep 6

Did you realize that we're witnessing the Most. Dramatic. Season. Ever? How would I know that if Chris Harrison's ominous voice didn't announce it every 10 minutes? The promos for the show this week were ridiculous. Michael was pushed to the edge of tears, someone was left out in the Canadian wild to fend for himself, and Wes admits his true intentions. Dun-dun-dun! Did any of that actually happen? Not really. It was like they were trying to compete with the Jon & Kate's big announcement (which everyone saw coming 100 miles away anyway). They need to accept that their audience is in place and they can leave the excessive theatrics to clowns like Adam Lambert.

On to the show! This three-day train extravaganza must have gotten really old, really quickly for everyone involved. Sure, they started out all excited-like Tanner exclaiming how this was a life-altering experience that he would have never had if it weren't for the show since he had never been on a train. He does realize that there are trains in the United States, right? Michael was just hoping for a little smoochy smoochy in one of the sleeping cabins, but sadly, Robby got eliminated before Michael had his chance to put the moves on him. Juuuuuust kidding! But seriously, what was up with Michael's tears? I can understand a man-crush, but come on!

This show is so educational. In this episode, I learned that Canadians rely on phallic private trains to impress others, instead of yachts or private jets like we simple-minded Americans. Who needs a romantic ride in a helicopter when you have a talking train at your disposal? Now, if only it gave geography lessons to the fool who asked if the body of water they were passing was a lake or an ocean. Someone get the poor guy a map!

In an un-shocking moment, Jillian started her date with Robby-the-bartender with a lovely cocktail. I sincerely hope that she is prompted by producers to bring up her baby plans on every date, otherwise, that's the glaring reason she's still single. I cannot wrap my head around why she didn't give Robby a rose, I mean, he's young, cute, has a small vocabulary, is currently less-than-employed....oh right, that's it. As he said, "Love doesn't have a job." Amen, brotha preach on! Of course he made her feel 5-10 years younger because he's still in that "finding himself" phase. Maybe his destiny is out in the Canadian Wilderness and she was just pointing him in the right direction by kicking him off the train? Now, I'm not saying that Robby should have stayed, but if Jillian is looking for "deep conversations" maybe she should consider lowering her alcohol intake. Just a thought.

The really messed up part of the Robby rejection wasn't him getting left out with the bears, but that his humiliation had an audience. The guys watched Jillian give him the courtesy hug, and stared out the window as he got left by the side of the track. The producers' sensitivity chip has malfunctioned!

Wes is such a slime ball--that much is obvious. However, they edited the crap out of him. His confessions were primarily given as a voiceover, which means they took everything he said out of context. That does not justify the garbage that came out of his mouth. He's obviously a fool if he thinks that he's going to be able to sell albums after being villainized on The Bachelorette. Country fans like good guys that have been done wrong, not publicity whores. Poor Jillian is like a little butterfly getting stuck in the spider's web just because the spider is a smooth talker. That's why I stay away from talking spiders!

This might be the beach babe inside of me asking, but what is the purpose of snowshoeing? Those kinds of activities are lost on me. When they were playing their kid games in the snow, Jillian described the guys as "laughing and giggling." Hasn't she said a million times that she like "manly men" not giggling little school girls?

Jake is a good looking guy with very gentlemanly intentions, but he is also a cheesebomb and a half. All of his talk about getting back around airplanes made me roll my eyes. Then he went on to say how Jillian is just like his mom, and I got really uncomfortable. To top it off, he described his parents' relationship as "neat." Congratulations Jake, you just won the Biggest Geek in the History of The Bachelorette Award. What do we have for him, Chris Harrison? One plane ticket back to Texas!

On the other hand, there's Kiptyn. I dig him, but man, when he started talking during their one-on-one time; I think he created a 479-word sentence. Take a breath, dude! I honestly got distracted by something else in my room and when I looked back like a minute later, he was still on the same sentence. The sad thing is Jillian could care less about what he has to say, she just wants to kiss his face.

Speaking of jabber-jaws, Michael decided to "take it up a notch" by asking Jillian what she sleeps in. Totally unprompted, I'm sure. Somehow, that led to Tanner taking his pants off...? I really need to stop blinking-I keep losing track of these conversations. I guess Tanner's "huge package" and foot fetish wasn't enough to keep him around. Or was it his desire to paint her toenails "mango mango"? It's a shame because it would have been convenient to keep Jake and Tanner since they both live in Dallas. She coulda taken a break from the two months of traveling. Plus, the budget probably could have used the break.

Jesse really likes her, but I feel like he ends up talking to her after she's had a few cocktails. Whoever she picks is going to have a serious wake up call. What's Jillian like when she's sober?

There's no way that Tanner made his little confession to the guys on his own free-will. The producers must have realized that they couldn't make Jillian keep him around any longer, so it was time for him to come clean. Blah.

What kind of ab-roids is Kiptyn on? He got the group date rose because he has the sickest stomach ever. There's no way he's going home before the fantasy suite dates.

Meanwhile, poor Reid got stuck on the train for hours. He was absolutely adorable when was talking to the train staff. He looks hot with or without his glasses. Hats are generally a bad idea, so at least train lady was right about that. Reid actually took her advice and went sans-specs. Watching him snowboard made me nervous. He was on the verge of breaking his wrists with the way he was landing. I have to say, I'm over all the snow dates, but those ice chairs were pretty badass. That is, if you want you butt cheeks frozen together. Since Reid doesn't know what Christmas morning is like, does that mean he's Jewish? I'M IN LOVE. I'm sure the producers knew that he was freaked out by fondue, and that's why they had it on the date. It was time to showcase his neurotic Chandler Bing side. I like that he's not a huge planner. I think Jillian tries too hard to pretend to be super easygoing, but she's really got her timeline in place. Maybe he'd be a good balance for her.....or me!

Chris Harrison was totally laughing at her in his head when she was going on and on about how great Wes is. I feel like he wanted to tell her that he's a dog, but she's just so clueless. She thinks that Wes is someone who doesn't know how to lie. What a sucker. I was also confused by her telling Chris to go easy on the h-word. Isn't that what she's on the prowl for?

I wish someone would have stood up and said "Hey Jillian, Wes is a complete prick" at the rose ceremony. I know it's not their place, but she's making a fool of herself. It was an interesting choice to keep Michael over Jake. At least Michael has a personality-albeit that of a hyperactive monkey. I knew Tanner was getting the boot, I was just hoping he'd whisper Wes's name in her ear. Jake was the crier in this episode, but then had the nerve to call Reid flimsy? Ha! I also found it interesting that they didn't show, or he doesn't have an opinion of Jesse or Kiptyn.

Side rant of the week: I can accept a certain level of scripting in my reality shows, but this is getting ridiculous. I noticed the number of times I commented that stuff was prompted by the producers this week. Also, all the "twists" of the upcoming weeks are ludicrous. It's completely Jason's fault. If he hadn't flip-flopped last season, then the producers wouldn't be trying so hard to make everything so dramatic. Plus, they reveal way too much in the previews. Jake flies back in his uniform (in case we've forgotten he's an airline pilot). However, Wes makes it to the fantasy suite, so does that mean she ignores Jake's warning? It's all getting to be way too much and my patience is wearing thin!

I'm going to say that Reid is a frontrunner after this week's date. Maybe that's just because I might want to marry him, but also because it sounded like his voice in the previews for the final episode.

Wes

Michael

Kiptyn

Reid

Jesse

Wes

Michael