My Wife Is a Phase Creature from the Forbidden Zone

A typical Phase Creature
A typical Phase Creature

My Wife is a Phase Creature

What I am about to tell you is a true story. And I'm serious. It truly has to to do with my discovering that my wife is a phase creature from the Forbidden Zone. I'm also sure that some of you are wrinkling up your faces doubting me even as you have hardly begun to read this, but I don't care. You sit there judging me, shaking your head thinking I'm crazy, maybe speculating, "Oh, Shadesbreath's been drinking again." But I haven't. Well, I have, but that's not what this is about. So think what you want, but this is true.

However, I should probably slow down and tell you what happened first, and then let you be the judge. See, even me, the typically controlled kind of writer that I like to think I am, am still kind of freaked out. So, let me step back and relate this properly. (Breathe). Ok, calmly, here goes:

The sky is still black when my wife's alarm goes off. At 5:45 every morning, her little clock knifes into our sleep and stabs any happy fantasies we might be having to death. The heartless tone slips bladelike between the ribs of all the super models worshipping at my feet, scattering them into nothingness. It plunges into the breasts of all the turkeys lying on mashed potato beds splashing gravy as my wife dreams of cooking feasts for me. Every weekday morning, both of us have our dreams destroyed. Slumber dead, she gets up and gets ready for work while I paw the snooze button on my own alarm for a few minutes more. She goes downstairs before I am up and usually leaves before I am done with my shower. That is the standard morning at my house.

But not today.

Today I got up early for some reason. Perhaps God was doing me a favor, trying to help me discover this twenty-two-year-old secret my wife has kept hidden from me. The universe was throwing me a bone. I don't know. But I got up and was a good ten minutes ahead of schedule. I heard the garage door going up—the familiar rumble through the floor that announces my wife's departure each and every day.

So, I thought to myself, loving husband that I am, I shall run down there and grab a kiss before she is gone. A treat to start my workday. Still tugging up my pants, zipping on the fly, I trundled down the stairs towards my beloved and her sweet morning lips.

I heard the reliable clank of her Suburban transmission shifting into reverse as my bare feet hit the cold concrete floor of the garage. She saw me come out, her blue eyes flashing up through the window glass.

Surprise. I saw it there in those oh-so-familiar irises.

At first I thought it was surprise to see me this early in the morning, for, as you'll recall, usually I am still upstairs in the shower at this time. But when I opened the passenger side door to lean in for my kiss, that's when I saw the truth. That's when I knew.

The surprise was not in her eyes because I was early; the surprise was because I'd caught her in a phase shift.

Yes, a phase shift. That's what I saw, and it could be nothing else.

She was morphing before my eyes!
She was morphing before my eyes!

Normally my wife is a lovely creature; she's got a famously pretty face and long, luxurious hair that is the envy of every chick we ever meet (not to mention bald guys like me). She's got a fine figure, classic beauty, and each day I count my blessings to have such grace to gaze upon. But this morning I found out it's all a lie.

So as I'm leaning in to kiss her, I realize that pretty face of hers is all distorted. The blue gems of her eyes are no longer perfect spheres but more oblong, even nebulous. Her cheeks are not round and soft, not the clear pale skin I know, but smeared, even blurry. In fact, her whole face was blurred, was blurring. So was her hair. Normally the ghoulish white of the bare bulb in our garage would have reflected from shimmering strands of gold and copper in her hair, would have glistened metallically from threads of the finest strawberry blond. But not today. Today there were no strands at all; the whole cascade was a blended mass, a solid fall of … of what? Is it plastic? Is it some composite semi-organic thing? Perhaps alien armor, or some unnatural polymer, the globulous ooze of corporeal truth from another realm, from, perhaps, the Forbidden Zone.

I gasped and pulled back even as she was leaning into me. The telescopic proximity of our movements made her phase shifting flicker in and out. I squinted, my face pinching with perplexity as I tried to fathom her mid-morph.

She leaned farther towards me. "I'm going to be late," she said. The circle of her mouth was a fog, the dark "O" of it gray at the edges, her lips hazing as she tried to play it off. Tried to pretend. I knew she was trying to shift back, trying to resume human permanence—apparently it's not an instantaneous trick.

But I didn't want to anger it. Anger her. I was afraid, but realized I'd been with her all these years and she hadn't killed me yet. Yet. So I had to play like I didn't notice. She didn’t seem aware of my dismay. Yet. So I kissed her. I was terrified. What if she decided then to finally destroy my soul, to suck it out of me with the might of vacuous demon lungs? Or whatever it is they have in the Forbidden Zone. But I kissed her. It was too dangerous not to.

Her lips were still soft and warm. Wet like I am used to. She hadn't gone that far over to the other side yet. Not so far as to be absent of the last warmth of her human guise.

I pulled back from the kiss. My mind whirling, my stomach churning as I contemplated what I had done. Kissed an alien. Or a demon. A something. A shiver ran up my spine. She was watching me. Staring at me, right into me. I knew she could read my thoughts. They do that over there. In that other place. That place of darkness and deceit. What plot could she be hatching? What villainous murder or nefarious torment did she have planned? Why was she staring at me?

I saw her blurry lips move; her very edges doubled all around where the fluorescent light limned her hair and body against the backdrop of her truck's interior. She was about to speak. I wondered if the words would be human still, recognizable to my mortal ears.

"You forgot your glasses," she said.

Hah, I thought, the ruse continues. A distraction that I'm not buying. But then, I was like, "Wait, what?"

"Your glasses, silly. You left them upstairs." Then she leaned forward and kissed me again. "Now I have to go to work. I love you."

She straightened and gripped the steering wheel. I, stupefied, completely rattled by my proximity to an alien-demon beast, fell back and closed the passenger side door as if in a dream. I watched her back out and go, my hand absently creeping up to my naked face, touching tentatively at the soft flesh beneath my right eye, feeling the bony socket edge. The places where, normally, my glasses would reside. I sighed and went back upstairs to get them.

Which doesn't change the fact that this story is true.

More by this Author


Comments 76 comments

Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

OMG, you are the best! My guess was that you found out she did her hair and makeup on the run. So much better that you, instead, are at fault. Sighhhh, MEN! (Big grin)


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 5 years ago from North America

This is fantastic! - Better than Twilight Zone.


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Hmmmm. How original is this,really? I mean, some guy has already made it known that woman are from Venus. Even the most beautiful ones might have a hard time staying confined in their human meat suits on occasion! :P Funny...very funny.


BlissfulWriter profile image

BlissfulWriter 5 years ago

I am at a lost for words.


BlissfulWriter profile image

BlissfulWriter 5 years ago

Okay, I found my words. I admit that I am new reader to your Hubs, but does your wife know that you are writing about her?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Randy Behavior, sadly, it's almost always my fault at my house. But, I continue to assume that eventually something will be her fault, then I will laugh a deep, masculine laugh and revel in victory.

Hi Patty, I'm glad you enjoyed this journey into a place, not only of sight and sound, but of poor sight and unsound mind.

M2C, it's true, although I don't know if the Forbidden Zone is on Venus or elsewhere. I can't be sure. (Didn't Lady Gaga get caught in her meat suit?)

Hi BlissfulWriter, no need worry about my fair bride. She is more than aware of these things. I think she laughed harder than anyone at the end of my Fiber One Bar hub, so, if that didn't piss her off, nothing will.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Good stuff, SB. How come you have so many followers and only 79 hubs? Quality counts, I suppose.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Hi Austinstar. I think a lot of it is because I've been here for a long time. A lot of new hubbers hit "follow" in hopes you'll follow them back (you've seen the ones, they follow like 50 people in a span of 4 minutes), and that adds up over time. But I do like to think that some of these people like the chuckles enough to click. I see some friendly faces, like yours, again with each new hub. It really is gratifying, by the way, so thank you.


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA

Ha! :) Nice way to write about your wife and then turn it back on you. I started off reading this thinking..."she's gonna kill him" and ended up with wanting to high five you for dodging a bullet. LOL!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

As a woman, I know for certain where the Forbidden Zone actually is, but because you're a man, it's forbidden that I share that information with you. And, yes, Lady Gaga did indeed wear a meat suit. Silly girl didn't even make an effort to shift phases. Pffffft. I think she shall suffer consequences for revealing forbidden information.


ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 5 years ago from NE Ohio

He shoots! He scores! Another great hub, Shades. But I've just made an exciting discovery that is opening up new worlds for me.

(This is probably one of those things that everyone but me already knows . . . bleet) but anyway - dude. Your tags are hilarious. Comic exploitation of the "tags" - priceless. Lemme at 'em.

Yer frend,

L.T.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Spryte, I did dodge a bullet didn't I? She managed to, with quick thinking, find a plausible excuse for putting off my suspicions. For now. So, she wasn't compelled to kill me and eat my face or whatever.

M2C, Gaga had her meat suit on inside out. Maybe she's not the brightest Forbidden Zonezian?

Hi L.T., kudos from you is always high praise. And yes, messing with tags is fun. I keep waiting for someone at HP to get mad or something; sort of dreading it, and fearing I have to try to defend art in the face of a juggernaut that doesn't care about the human side of things, but, well, it's just hard to resist lol.


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA

*kicks you out of character* That's not what I meant goofball.


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

I tend to agree that she's not among the smartest of our kind. We have to claim her though, if for no other reason than her incredibly high net worth allows to further our plot for eventual world domination.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

*blinks innocence at Spryte*

@ M2C: you ain't kidding about that.


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

I never kid about world domination. It's against the Constitution of the Forbidden Zone. :P


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA

Hmph! That's all I have to say...HMPH!


evvy_09 profile image

evvy_09 5 years ago from Athens, AL

You know, it's really hard to maintain such beauty on an all day basis. You really shouldn't have disturbed your wife during her shift. :) Men wouldn't even suspect any of our secrets if we weren't so darn fond of you.

Awesome hub yet again Shadesbreath. But I applaud your wife more for providing such inspiration.


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 5 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

Of course! That's what the burqa is really for - to allow phase changing to go wholly undetected...


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

LOL @ "Constitution" in Forbidden Zone. I'd love to read that one. "We the phase creatures of the Forbidden Zone, in order to invade more worlds, destroy more humans and eat more of their faces do ordain this constitution so we can do that more often and not feel bad about it."

Spryte, my initial response is inappropriate, so I'll just say "Hi" and "LOL."

Evvy, yes, I applaud my wife too. And every other token of respect that prevents her from eating my face. But my discovery was fodder for a hub, you are right, so I am appreciative of the frightening inspiration. :) Thanks for reading.

Para, dude, the house next door has like SIX women wearing those... I didn't even THINK to suspect that they were phase creatures. OMG, it all makes sense now. My wife never phase shifted until now, and they only moved in last summer. My wife must have been the early scout, and now they are sending in the army! I am so dead.


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

You got me with this one, John. I thought the alarm was going to wake you from your nightmare, but then you pulled out the stops with the glasses bit. Liked that creative ending even more. Thanks for the fun ride.


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

That's frighteningly close to the actual text's preamble....WHY do you know this? It appears that you may already possess too much knowledge about the Forbidden Zone and may need to be eliminated. ;-)


sammyfiction profile image

sammyfiction 5 years ago from Australia

Fantastic work - I never would have guessed that ending. I thought you were going to die or something.

Do you do the drawings? They are very good!

:)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Drbj, thank you. I am really glad to see this is working as intended. YOu never know when you pen them, you know? (which you do, but, you know ... lol).

M2C yes, it's not like I'm not without my own informants. We guys have a network too. Sort of. Well, okay, we don't. Never mind. Sigh.

Heh heh, good, I'm glad it kept you guessing, Sammyfiction. More fun that way. :) And yes, I did. A few hubs back I started cartooning myself (I think it was the Fiber One Bars one), and the last few have seemed to get some pretty good giggles, so, well, it seems to work so I'm sticking with it. I even incorporated it into my blog. So, I'm really glad to hear you like them. I'm kinda committed at this point, you know?


Winsome profile image

Winsome 5 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Ha ha and a Winsome chortle and guffaw. You had me hooked to the amiable and satisfying end. Funny you should name it phase because I believe I have the first HP release of the discovery of our 11th planet which is coincidentally a phaseolus giant gas variety. Check it out if you are out hopping. =:)


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 5 years ago from USA

interesting to say the least, kept me reading...hmm and what use of words


DzyMsLizzy profile image

DzyMsLizzy 5 years ago from Oakley, CA

Hahahahaha!!

Yet again you prove yourself a master of your craft! Great tale. Bravo!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Hi Winsome, I'm glad you were able to enjoy this rather than be terrified by the prospects of sharing the world with phase creatures. Perhaps she even comes from that planet (I'll come have a look in just a minute too. Can't wait!).

Thanks Schoolgirlforreal. As a writer, if we can keep them reading, we're doing at least something right. :)

Why thank you, DzyMsLizzy. You're continued support means a lot to me, so, seriously, thanks.


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

Shadesbreath-

Well done...as usual.

Just be thankful you hadn't looked in the mirror, or you would have seen your own amorphous condition...the disturbing results of lying with the shape shifter you married. I think the morning shower must be your "reset" button.

You are a lucky man with her having chosen such an attractive shape to present to the world!

CP


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

You know, Christopher, I never even thought about that! What if I had have looked in the mirror? This hub might have been an "OMFG I'M MELTING" hub instead. LOL. Fortunately, I already know what I look like so I never really check the mirror much. :D

And you're right about my phase creature wife. It is nice of her to pick a pretty disguise.


DIYweddingplanner profile image

DIYweddingplanner 5 years ago from South Carolina, USA

Here I was thinking you just caught her without make-up and she was one of our kind who puts on her make-up in the car on the way to work. Now that's REAL transformation!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

@ DIY... LOL @ "one of our kind." So what you're telling me is there are OTHER aliens and stuff out there pretending to be women too? We got phase creatures, your people... and what else that we don't know about? Are there even any ACTUAL human women? :D And yeah, I've seen ya'll doing that in the car. I sat behind a gal on Friday who dang near made me miss the green light she was so into her eye liner.


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

A total homerun dude! Very, very cool idea, and well executed. Funnier than hell too. You managed to stay out of trouble even, which is sort of amazing.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

LOL, I know, you have to admit how I dodged the asswhipping at the end like that. It could have gone horribly for me, could have woke up like that Bobbit feller. :D

Always good to see you around, Stan. Looking forward to catching up on your absurdity here soon as semester finally ends its eternal crawl.


Smart Reviews profile image

Smart Reviews 5 years ago

Silly husband, you know you can't see squat without your glasses. And that you have an overactive imagination. Let me get you a shot of Tequilla and a chaser and your bad dream will go away.

*Uses her secret Zonian telepathy to apologize to all her female Zonian counterparts.*


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Egads, I'm caught!

[darting eyes seeking hiding place]

I will take the tequila though. :)


ahostagesituation profile image

ahostagesituation 5 years ago

LOL!! WIN!! So hilarious...your wife had to love this one. The way it was going I thought it was going to be a "wife without make-up" sort of thing. I love the terror you had for your own life, it lets me know we as women are headed in the right direction. If we can can come off as sweet little angels that have somehow put the fear of God in the men we love...that really is best ;-). One of my friends' husbands recently fell ill, and swore his wife was trying to kill him with the things she wanted him to drink. I told her, "I'd tell that man that you are a 'can-do' kind of a girl. If you want him dead, he will be." The fact that I can think you are a sweetheart after writing a whole hub explaining to the world that your wife is really an alien makes this awesome. UP!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Hi Ahostagesituation. Those are very kind words, so thank you. And it was terrifying to realize I live with an inter-dimensional traveler. That's just not news one gets without some degree of trepidation. But, all is well. And, who knows, maybe my sweetheart thing is a disguise against my true intergalactic origins?


Jalus 5 years ago

I'm truly impressed at how well you kept your composure in such a terrifying situation!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Thanks, Jalus. I have a warrior's composure like that, so I am able to keep my wits about me when stuff happens like this.


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 5 years ago from Missouri

"What I am about to tell you is a true story. And I'm serious." Are you ever, not? Thoroughly entertaining, as always, Shade!

Your lovely alien-of-a-wife, like many of us, must be a patient woman... deserving of a Big Fat Kiss and a lifetime of devotion for her troubles. Though, I sense that she gleans much happiness from the inner workings of your brain (All due respect intended!).

Thanks for the laugh! (:

Peace and Many more barefoot hustlings to you!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Oh what a difference a period makes, eh, Scarelett My Dear? LOL. And as for the patience thing and my wife, you cannot imagine. I have no clue why that woman puts up with me. Maybe patience is like an essential survival trait in the Forbidden Zone, like, they have to spend decades at a time under cover hiding from some kind of monsters even more terrifying than regular phase creatures. So, for her to dash off a lone decade or two with me thus far is cake. Must be something like that. Although, I do amuse her from time to time, you are correct. :D


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 5 years ago from Missouri

I like your use of the period. I could use it more often. Instead, I rely on the wibbly-wobbly comma far too much to support my stream of consciousness on paper. I do hope it is my bright-eyed enthusiasm, which comes across, rather than that snickering little wretch deep inside of me with the low self-esteem, that just won't shut up. (;


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

LOL shutting up is no fun. Writing is our passive aggressive means of talking whenever we want for as long as we want and nobody can tell us to shut up until we are done. That's good stuff for the old self-esteem.


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

OMG, Shades! I just told my husband the same damn thing. I said writing is WAY more fun than arguing with him because I never get interrupted by logic...lol


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 5 years ago from Great Britain

Absolutely brilliant!!!! Thank you for a much needed laugh.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Well, M2C, logic is only useful if it works in our favor anyway, so I have little interest in it as it seems to fail me as often as not. :D

Dim Flaxenwick, you are quite welcome and, I absolutely LOVE your name. That may be one of the best names I've seen on HP in creeping up on three years.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Well, M2C, logic is only useful if it works in our favor anyway, so I have little interest in it as it seems to fail me as often as not. :D

Dim Flaxenwick, you are quite welcome and, I absolutely LOVE your name. That may be one of the best names I've seen on HP in creeping up on three years (in fact, I almost remember thinking that very thing before, so, if I am repeating myself, forgive me and know that I blame old age and beer).


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Shades, you're too right about that! ;) Logic sucks. How is that you just continue to get funnier and funnier? Or maybe I just get madder and madder and you make more and more sense? Eh, either way, I'm good with it.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Brilliant and as always hilarious. I truly sympathise as I have just found out I am going shortsighted and have to wear bifocals. This will be the first time in my 41 years of life that I have needed glasses, but things around me were getting too blurry to ignore :(


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

I'm not sure, Motown. I think if you saw how many unpublished hubs I have in my MS Word folder, you would have a better picture of the truth. None the less, I appreciate that. As far as mad goes, if it's mad like crazy mad, then more power to you so long as it's a fun place your mind goes to. :D

Hi Misty, and thanks. I was going to say I can call you four eyes, but that would be wrong. I have to call you eight-eyes. Muahahahahaha. (Except that my eye doctor said I'll have to go bi-focal probably next time too, but I'm not going to tell you that right now while I'm teasing you.)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, my Hubby has already started making jokes about the four eyes, so I will keep quiet about the 8 eyes! :D


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

It occurs to me that technically, that would only be six eyes. What do they call mathematically illiteracy? Stupidity? lol. (sigh).


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 5 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, yes, of course you are correct in your maths. It was never my strong point sadly!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Toronto Realtor, I am certain many men have this feeling as more and more phase creatures slip into our unsuspecting realm.

Oh well, Misty. So we suck at maths. That way, we can't be held accountable for how much we drink or how many calories we consume. :D


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 5 years ago from Florida

I didn't get email about this hub. My pc was in the shop for a week, and maybe that was the problem.

Anyway, I LOVE it! The ending is wonderful and came as a surprise. Your tags and illustrations are delightful.

I have been following your blogs but haven't figured out how to comment on them. Today I sent (I hope) a request for email notification. Especially in your latest one, you have once more proven you are a born teacher.

BTW, I wrote a two-part Jay Shane hub I'd like you to read when you have time.


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

Thanks for the chuckle. Love the way the story build up to the finale.Turns out to be a case of the missing glasses.Some men are not so lucky.they wake up each day to a creature in rolled up curlers with a green or pale grey face.:)


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

i happen to have read your wifes blog.she expresses surprise at that you woke up early that day, rushed down tying your pyjamas and zipping up your fly on the run as if something very very urgent needed to be done and just as she stopped the car thinking you had something urgent to say to her you rushed down the driveway and -kissed the neighbours wife who was going to drop the kids to school.

relaxx i have left a comment on her hub that you were not wearing your glasses and so you thought it was her. maybe you will get off this time!! keep us posted.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Mysterylady, I have just come from your hubs. What a great story. I won't go on about it here, since I just did there, but you are lucky to have had such fun.

As for this one, I'm glad you liked it. I did try to keep the suspense till the end. :) And I think I might like teaching creative writing. I've sort of always wanted to teach it, but I wouldn't want to have the structure required for full time at some school with a bunch of idiot administrators making me jump through hoops. Maybe adult school or something when I finish up my degree. :) And I'm glad you're following my blog. Hopefully it will get more and more interesting as the book gets nearer and then as I try to get sales going etc. (daultonbooks.blogspot.com for anyone wondering)

SilentReed, I have to say, I am very lucky in that regard. My wife has no need of green slime or grey cake on her face. Maybe because they don't use that stuff in the Forbidden Zone?

Neeleshkulkarni, I am soooo relieved you said something to her and got me off the hook like that. Really very kind of you. Now if I can just avoid the neighbor's husband from finding out! lol


wingedcentaur profile image

wingedcentaur 5 years ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

Brilliant Shadesbreath! Very nice misdirection. Patty Inglish, MS is quite right. This would make an excellent Twilght Zone episode (the old Twilight Zone not the subsequent re-mix series; there were two, I believe).

By the way, good luck with school and your self-publishing venture for your fantasy novel. I had taken a look at your blog, and you are indeed fortunate, as you say, to have that young woman doing the art work for you. What's her name?

Also, I just wanted to let you know I finished answering that question you posed to me, about the middle class bailout. The answer takes the form of a seven-part series called "Why Doesn't The Government Bailout The Middle Class?" As usual, my approach combines philosophy and economics (what little I know about it); I had occasion to talk a good deal about what I think of as our Calvinist legacy.

Anyway, once again, congratulations on another triumphant hub and good look on the novel.

Take it easy.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Hiya Winged Centaur. Thanks for peeping in, and I'm glad to hear you have seen the blog. The artist is Cris Ortega, btw. And her work is breathtaking.

That's great to hear you got so much material out of that request, I'mma go get started on that series right now.


ginjill ashberry profile image

ginjill ashberry 5 years ago

Hello.. you may have forgotten, but you helped me a year ago with starting my first hub. You know.. you're something..your hub's catchy. Keep writing.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Ginjill, I'm stoked to hear you are still at it, and very glad to have been of some service to you. :) Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. We're all trying to make something of all these words we have, eh?


ginjill ashberry profile image

ginjill ashberry 5 years ago

Right.. So much to say, don't know how to get it through. i'm speaking for myself. I'm still trying since I came back this month. I'll get there. You and the others did well. I hope to be like that one day. Thank you again Shadesbreath.


noorin profile image

noorin 5 years ago from Canada

LOOOL, this made my day ... Though glasses correct visions, I hate it to break it to you but there still remains a SHIFTING phase ... Some maintain it so well, you can barely notice but you could totally spot the likes of me -those who shift on weekends- with or without glasses ;-)

Rated it up and will be following you =)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Best luck to you on HP, Gingjill. Just keep writing, the rest usually works itself out. :)

Hi Noorin. I'm glad you were amused by this. And yes, I know there must still be shifting going on. I can't let myself be so naive as to believe the Forbidden Zone has only my wife spying on this world, much less that my wife would only shift in the mornings. I may not know what is up exactly, but I know what's going on. :D (glad to have you following my stuff,and I hope you'll check out my facebook and blog when you get time--I know, I sound like a slimy salesman or something, but I'm not. I'm slimy, but not a salesman, so, big difference.)


poetvix profile image

poetvix 5 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

Oh man, you really had me going here. You kept me intrigued throughout and left me with a smile and just the tiniest doubt that your perceptions may have been valid. I am now wondering how many among us are truly what they seem. Stellar!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Hi Poetvix. You are so right about that who among us truly are what we seem. None of us, I'd say. But some of us are less what we seem than others, that's the thing I learned when I discovered my wife is an alien. :)

Thanks for reading.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

This is hysterical and the end unexpected. I though it was going to be a nightmare also. Thanks for a great laugh.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Hi Pamela. I'm glad you were amused by this silly bit of mine. It could have been a nightmare, that's for sure. Fortunately, she did not suck out my soul.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I'm rolling around laughing, Shades. Being half-blind, I could fully relate! That is beyond hilarious, though no one else could have created such a masterful picture of how it is!

I just love your style, though I'm sad not to be able to find that wonderful hub on writing a novel which I loved so much. I really wanted to recommend it to someone! sniff, sniff.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Hi Nellieanna, what a delight to see you here on my phase shifting corner of the universe. As you can see, I have not been yanked through some rift in the galactic fabric as yet, so, yay for me :)

I'm glad you had fun with this, and happy to hear you thought of one of my hubs as useful enough to share. I think the one you are looking for is this one:

http://hubpages.com/literature/Three-Steps-to-Fini...

Holler if it is not.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

YeaHoo! That's it!!! Thank you! :-)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

He found it. Thanks for sending him over, he seems to have gotten some use from it. :)


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

I have been hearing or reading about you...whatever..

Finally! The first time reading you hub and must say, I am your newest bestest fan. Forget the spelling, you know what I mean.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Sweet, Cardisa. I need all I can get! Once I get a few million more, I'm going to launch phase two of my plan for world domination. By getting in on the ground floor, you have the best chance of becoming a high ranking official in the new world order. Welcome aboard!

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