Fat Lazy Squirrels

Our dog has a morning ritual that consists of going up to the door and racing out to chase all the squirrels up into the trees and if possible to bite one. She hasn't ever really bitten one but she desperately wants to. She can't wait to get out and impatiently sticks her nose at the crack of the door while she whimpers, the thoughts of the taste of squirrel are swirling about in her head. "Tastes like chicken", she thinks as she nervously stands at the ready as I swing open the back door.

Zoey just wants to chase squirrels 24/7 but I have to wonder how the squirrel's perspective changes as the year wears on. They definitely go through a set of transformations as the year progresses from spring to fall/winter.

Spring: The squirrels are hungry; they are horny - they are in prime form. They are running around getting food, giving chase and getting chased off. When our rat terrier launches off the deck they are ready for her. Sometimes they just sit and watch her before darting up into the tree. The threat level for them is low.

Summer/Early Fall: The squirrels don't like the heat so they aren't around as much in the morning. The feed more when the shade comes over late morning or in the evening. They are fit and the dog isn't of much concern.

BUT WINTER!: As winter approaches the squirrels are getting fat and lazy. They are putting on their winter coat, or more precisely - their winter fat . You have to knock on one of the small glass door windows aggressively before you let the dog out or they will surely be eaten. The knock should signal that danger is approaching. Run for cover! But they are drunk or something from all of their over-eating and constant face stuffing of both their cheeks and bellies. They are swollen to Fat Albert proportions. These lazy squirrels are downright lackadaisical. Their reflexes are slow and they are sadly out of shape. They sit there and watch the dog bolt off the deck while shoving their fat faces with the last bits of seeds we've put out for the birds and then slowly get their chubby fat squirrel asses moving and lethargically make their way for a nearby tree. Luckily, our dog is a freak and it takes her a bit each time to recognize these are fat, slow idiotic squirrels now and she generally runs right past them. Last year a fat tubby squirrel, however, got nipped as it huffed and puffed towards the nearby tree. Luckily, it managed to crawl up to safety with only a minor injury. There have been a few close calls already but the rat still hasn't registered a kill - so keep calm PETA members. You'd think if those tubby squirrels were going to stuff their faces like that they'd stay closer to the trees or maybe do it on the other side of our fenced in yard! Stupid lazy squirrels.