Fat Lazy Squirrels

Zoey the Squirrel Chaser

Rat Terrier Morning Routine

Our dog has a morning ritual that consists of going up to the door and racing out to chase all the squirrels up into the trees and if possible to bite one. She hasn't ever really bitten one but she desperately wants to. She can't wait to get out and impatiently sticks her nose at the crack of the door while she whimpers, the thoughts of the taste of squirrel are swirling about in her head. "Tastes like chicken", she thinks as she nervously stands at the ready as I swing open the back door.

Skinny Fast Squirrel - Spring & Summer

Zoey just wants to chase squirrels 24/7 but I have to wonder how the squirrel's perspective changes as the year wears on. They definitely go through a set of transformations as the year progresses from spring to fall/winter.

Spring: The squirrels are hungry; they are horny - they are in prime form. They are running around getting food, giving chase and getting chased off. When our rat terrier launches off the deck they are ready for her. Sometimes they just sit and watch her before darting up into the tree. The threat level for them is low.

Summer/Early Fall: The squirrels don't like the heat so they aren't around as much in the morning. The feed more when the shade comes over late morning or in the evening. They are fit and the dog isn't of much concern.

Fat Squirrel

Fat Albert

BUT WINTER!: As winter approaches the squirrels are getting fat and lazy. They are putting on their winter coat, or more precisely - their winter fat . You have to knock on one of the small glass door windows aggressively before you let the dog out or they will surely be eaten. The knock should signal that danger is approaching. Run for cover! But they are drunk or something from all of their over-eating and constant face stuffing of both their cheeks and bellies. They are swollen to Fat Albert proportions. These lazy squirrels are downright lackadaisical. Their reflexes are slow and they are sadly out of shape. They sit there and watch the dog bolt off the deck while shoving their fat faces with the last bits of seeds we've put out for the birds and then slowly get their chubby fat squirrel asses moving and lethargically make their way for a nearby tree. Luckily, our dog is a freak and it takes her a bit each time to recognize these are fat, slow idiotic squirrels now and she generally runs right past them. Last year a fat tubby squirrel, however, got nipped as it huffed and puffed towards the nearby tree. Luckily, it managed to crawl up to safety with only a minor injury. There have been a few close calls already but the rat still hasn't registered a kill - so keep calm PETA members. You'd think if those tubby squirrels were going to stuff their faces like that they'd stay closer to the trees or maybe do it on the other side of our fenced in yard! Stupid lazy squirrels.

Zoey Chasing Phantom Squirrels

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Comments 5 comments

JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 7 years ago from Midwest Author

Why are people hating on my fat squirrel story? We love the squirrels. We feed them. I knock on the window to give them a head start for the trees before our dog rushes out. I thought fat squirrels were funny. Are they not funny?


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Where in the world did you get that fat squirrel photo? Now THAT is funny! The ones around here stay in shape as they are constantly playing, chasing, burying their nuts, etc. Have never yet seen a fat squirrel. Ha! But if you have them in your area...nice of you to give them fair warning before your doggie takes chase. You are a kind hearted person!

Just had a thought! You know what they say about the camera adding 10 pounds. It must be the camera angle making that squirrel look fat. Right? :)


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 7 years ago from Midwest Author

Oh Peggy W! When I saw this comment I figured it was my sister Peggy before this cup of coffee got into my system! So kind of you to come check out my hubs. I'll be sure to do the same for yours. My score on this story is still low... I guess I'll try not to take it personally! I have no ill will for the squirrel!!!


marijanareynders profile image

marijanareynders 6 years ago from Toodyay, Western Australia

What an enormous fat squirrel. I am hoping your dog does to your squirrels what my dog does to the kangaroos: he runs with them, viewing them as competitors in a race, but never ever tries to bite or attack them. I enjoyed reading about the seasonal changes of the squirrels ... amazing how nature cares for its own (even if sometimes with our help).


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 6 years ago from Midwest Author

More fat lazy squirrels sightings today. Now we have two dogs... the rat terrier and a husky puppy that thinks she's a rat terrier. I fear for these fat lazy tree rats.

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