Ringer -- C is for Crazy
Remember last week when I said crazy people seem to be super smart? Well, not in the case of one ex-Mrs. Andrew Martin. Crazy Catherine was as dumb as a box full of rocks.
That's Called Overkill!
Last week, the show ended with her, apparently, drugging The Bridge's tea with enough pills to make it look like she offed herself. For good measure she even threw a bunch of pills on top of her. So what does Crazy do this week? Why, she drags her into the bathroom, puts her in the bathtub and starts filling it full of water to make it look like The Shiv drowned herself. If she was going to drown herself, why would she take pills? And why she she drop a pile of pills in two different spots? It's like stabbing someone and then shooting them. Pick one or the other, but don't do both. The cops will cotton on to it fast that this is a murder, not a suicide. Although if we're talking about Ringer cops, maybe not.
Guess Crazy Never Watched Any Crime Dramas
The first thing in any crime drama is the felon puts on black gloves so they don't leave fingerprints. Not our girl, Crazy. She's got her fingerprints all over the place. On the pill bottle. On the keyboard she typed up the suicide not. On the not she left by the elevator supposedly from The Shiv saying she went out; a note written in Crazy's own handwriting. Are we really supposed to believe someone this stupid pulled off a scam with two teenagers and a teacher to scam Andrew out of a fortune?
Curses! Foiled Again!
Crazy has her little fake suicide scene staged with all the clues it was actually a murder and leaves the apartment. Then she realizes the incriminating cell phone is missing from her purse, so she goes back to search for it. That's when Andrew comes home. Crazy quickly disposes of the note she left at the door from The Shiv saying she'd gone out before Andrew can see it, which is actually a good thing, since it's one less piece of evidence they can use to fry her already fried brain.
Anyway, Andrew hears water running in the bathroom and thinks Crazy was about to take a bath in their bathroom and reminds her The Shiv doesn't want her messing in their room. Then he sees water running on the floor and rushes into the bathroom. See, she should have stuck with the pills and not gotten fancy by adding the drowning in the bathtub bit. If she had, Andrew would have changed his tie and her plan would of worked. Keep it simple.
The Magical Healing Powers Of Water
Okay, either Crazy didn't drug The Bridge with enough pills to kill her, or being immersed in water makes the drugs evaporate from your system, because all Andrew had to do was pull her out of the water and all the affects from the pills were gone. Of course, at this point, Crazy decides to make Andrew a part of the plan. The Bridge came home and found Andrew in bed with her; while she only injured Crazy slightly, she killed Andrew and then killed herself. Yep, she's still stuck on this suicide plan. And to think it was only last week she was claiming to Juliet she did this all to get Andrew back. Don't worry, in five minutes they'll give her a new reason for why she's doing this.
And You Thought The Keystone Kops Were Dumb
Vic's on the way to rush to the rescue, only the feds stop him in his tracks and take him in for questioning. He eventually convinces them to send someone over to the Martins' apartment to check things out. Andrew lies that all is well, since Crazy basically has a gun stuck up The Bridge's nose. They believe it and go on their way and demand Vic get out of Gotham.
You need too know when to hold them; know when to fold them. Know when to walk away; know when to run
Unfortunately, Crazy didn't know and when Juliet arrives home, she locks the elevator and is still thinking she's going to pull this off. That's when we learn another shocking secret about Crazy. Wait for it...
Oh, God, She's A Lesbian Now!
Although she says not really. Still it doesn't stop her from beginning a love affair with Olivia. In more flashbacks [Earlier, it was revealed Crazy wanted to off The Shiv for selling her house out from under her and planning to send Juliet away to board school.] Now she wants to do it to save Olivia. When Andrews threw Crazy out of his apartment, she sought solace with Olivia and they became lovers.
Here's a flashback of my own, writers. When Crazy got tossed from Andrew's she was the mastermind behind the plot to swindle Andrew out of money. She was boffing Juliet's teacher. So wouldn't she have sought solace with him; if she was really that upset? And it's at this point you know this pile of trash their trying to sell to free pass The Shiv from having any involvement in trying to kill The Bridge makes no logical sense and you need to stop trying to make any sense out of it. Just go with the flow and this nonsense will finally be over.
While Crazy is talking to her Baby on the phone, The Bridge gets hold of the cell phone that Crazy was looking for and places a call to Vic. He listens as Crazy starts ranting in the background. Then he rushes over to Baby and gets her to lure Crazy into a trap. Ever the Martyr, The Bridge offers herself up as hostage and Crazy is more than willing to take that offer, still planning to off her. Hopefully not via suicide, though. That plan has gone and went ten scenes ago.
If At First You Don't Succeed...
The Shiv seems to subscribe to the same philosophy Crazy does: if at first you don't succeed, try try again. She goes and has a bunch of bad fake passports made up to threaten the maid with to recant her story that The Tool killed Tyler, which he did. The maid is a hooker and she shoves The Shiv into a closet as her John shows up. They snort coke and have sex. Unfortunately, she snorts too much coke and dies of a drug overdose. Maybe they should have tried immersing her in a bathtub full of water. After all, it worked wonders for The Bridge.
Anyway, while The Shiv is playing Peeping Jane, she goes into labor. She grabs a cab and checks herself into the hospital. A C-section is performed and she gives birth to two daughters. For some reason The Tool decides to grow a brain for two seconds and decides to have a paternity test done of the babies. He also seems to think he's on Easy Street now the maid is dead and all the murder charges will be dropped against him. With Ringer cops he could be right.
Crazy's Last Stand
Crazy and The Bridge arrive at Baby's place and Crazy is easily disarmed. The Bridge holds her at gunpoint but doesn't shoot her. She's a martyr and martyrs don't shoot people that tried to fake their suicide twice. Catherine is taken away screaming that The Bridge has no right to steal someone else's life and make it her own. It's at this point she decides she must tell the truth about who she is.
You know, this could have been a tension-filled hour if it wasn't so badly written. The writing is what totally killed this show.
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