Tips for Offensive Driving

There's always a flip side in life to just about everything. For every action there's an opposite and equal reaction. In drivers education classes you hear them preaching all about defensive driving, but you never hear them talk about offensive driving techniques. Just like other things in life there's always another side of the story, and I'm going to take the opportunity in this hub to talk about tips on offensive driving.

Everybody out there has been behind the wheel of a vehicle at one time or another, and has become very frustrated with a slow moving vehicle that's in front of them. These are the people who seem to have all of the time in the world to get from one place to another. They are commonly known as Sunday drivers, and they aren't the least bit in any hurry whatsoever $6. It may be because they are old, tired, or just don't have a job to go to, but what ever the reason may be they are just simply getting in everybody's way on the road.

It's bad enough on two lane back roads, where it sometimes take several miles to find a safe place to pass. However on four lane highways and Interstates, it's hard to even try to comprehend why these ignorant people won't move their slow tails over, and allow a busy person to pass on by. I mean what ever happened to simple common courtesy, and the rule of slower traffic driving in the right hand lane. Everyone has seen this type of activity & behavior, and I'm going to share some offensive driving tips to combat this rude ignorance.

10 Offensive Driving Tips

1. Honking your horn continuously at these slow drivers is a surefire way of getting their undivided attention.

2. Turn your high beams on to blind them, which is especially effective with oncoming traffic during nighttime driving.

3. Pass them on the shoulder of the roadway to get around them. A little bit of gravel flying around in the air won't hurt anybody. (Going the wrong way on the shoulder isn't a very smart idea. I once saw someone try this in a rather lengthy construction back up, and a policeman was waiting further on down the shoulder to greet them.)

4. If necessary pass them in the dirt or grass medium between the North & South or East & West bound lanes. Just be mindful and on the look out for guard rails, ditches, and other possible obstructions.

5. Give them an ear full by screaming and yelling at the top of your lungs at them.

6. Give them a hand signal to let them know exactly how you feel. You'll discover that certain hand motions will get different emotions, and reactions back in return.

7. Throwing an object at them like a half empty can of beer or soda will do the trick too.

8. Sticking your tongue out at them or giving them a mean dirty look will turn a head or two as well.

9. If all else fails give, them a gentle tap on their rear bumper, and ram or push them out of your way.

10. You can also use a combination of all nine of these techniques, which should most certainly get your message across.

When these slow pokes finally get the message, and move out of your way, then you can get back on the way to where you're going. Just remember that you have as much of a right on the road as these slow pokes do, and these ten different offensive driving tips will help you get on your way faster.

A different type of tailgating
A different type of tailgating

Note - This hub is meant to be a joke, and is not to be taken seriously. So if you don't have much of a sense of humor then you might just want to move onto another hub.

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Comments 17 comments

ladyguitarpicker profile image

ladyguitarpicker 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

Hi I have seen people do some of these stupid things. The passing on the wrong side is not a good thing to do, I see it every week .

Keisha Hunter profile image

Keisha Hunter 2 years ago from Paradise and then some

Hey! I'm a recovering Offensive Driver! Not nice, lol, i'm now realizing I still am doing quite a bit of these and more, not just for slow Sunday drivers, especially on a Monday morning though. The next thing driving school didn't teach us is 'horn honking meanings'. I should write about that ;)

peg2 2 years ago

I don't think so. I think about doing those things, but with my luck, the first time I will get in trouble. Funny thought though.

Sandra Eastman profile image

Sandra Eastman 2 years ago from Robbinsdale MN

You know this may be funny to some degree but in Minnesota it is a common thing once the snow flies. Cute hub.

Juliet Stewart profile image

Juliet Stewart 2 years ago from San Antonio, TX.

Gee thanks, I needed that, I laughed so hard! Uhm, hope you can spare bail money if I need it. By, the by, I've been a party to People doing just any combination of the above.

Rachel L Alba profile image

Rachel L Alba 2 years ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

Hi, Thank you for your fan mail. It's encouraging. To tell you the truth, I felt like doing some of those offensive driving tips. lol But, I try to be polite. I enjoyed reading it because even though you can't do those things, you certainly think them.

Ericdierker profile image

Ericdierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

A great chuckle and one that will keep on giving. I will just think of this next time I am driving and my passengers will ask "what the heck is so funny?"

MizBejabbers profile image

MizBejabbers 2 years ago

It really would be funny if it wasn't about a half-truth. I used to be an impatient driver until I bought a hybrid, and sometimes it just won't move out of anybody's way no matter how hard I floorboard it. Now I know all those tricks because people are pulling them on me. Guess that's Karma! LOL

RoadMonkey profile image

RoadMonkey 2 years ago

See so many of these. If a spot of humour makes someone think twice before becoming impatient, it will be worth it.

CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

I was taking notes to improve my driving and then at the end you told me it was all a joke. I'm crushed. (I'm joking, too.)

drbj profile image

drbj 2 years ago from south Florida

Obviously, you have received much of your driving experience while motoring around the expressways in south Florida. Number 1 is high on locals' lists.

BlossomSB profile image

BlossomSB 2 years ago from Victoria, Australia

Ha! I think we drivers have seen it all, but it's so good to keep a sense of humour and stay unstressed.

lawrence01 profile image

lawrence01 2 years ago from Hamilton, New Zealand

Just remember. Buses and trucks are bigger than the little toy you're in and they know it! Coming off second best isn't s good idea!

dilipchandra12 profile image

dilipchandra12 2 years ago from India

All these tips will now come to my mind when i come across any slow driver in front of me while next time i am driving. All i will do is; smile remembering these tips HAHA :)

vkwok profile image

vkwok 2 years ago from Hawaii

Thanks for the funny joke for my morning.

frozenink profile image

frozenink 2 years ago

I misunderstood the topic. I thought it was tips against offensive driving. I was in for a real treat. HAHA! What a pleasant surprise!

Joyfulcrown profile image

Joyfulcrown 2 years ago

What a funny hub. I live in Southern California, where there is always heavy traffic, so I enjoyed the humor of this. Happy New Year.

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