Top Chef DC ep 3: Pastries and Picnics

No Angelo For Me

Kenny Top Chef DC
Kenny Top Chef DC | Source

Quickfire

Kenny was concerned that this season is turning into the “Angelo Show” because Angelo keeps winning challenges.  Meanwhile, Angelo was having a mental crisis over being thrown under the bus by Kenny at Judges’ Table last week.  Their rivalry needs a little more machismo in it; right now it’s like two little girls pulling each other’s hair on the playground.  (Drink every time someone uses the phrase “thrown under the bus”—it’s a popular one!)

The quickfire this week was all about dessert.  I love how the mere mention of the d-word sends the chefs into panic mode, especially since the two eliminated chefs went home for failing miserably in this category.  Johnny Iuzzini was the guest judge for the quickfire, and he made sure to plug his upcoming show Top Chef:  Just Desserts with Gail Simmons.  Tiffany thought he was hot and maybe wanted to sample a piece of his pastry!

 The chefs had to make a pie from scratch, which immediately led to Arnold and Kelly fighting over space.  I’m definitely on Arnold’s side.  That Kelly is a pain in the foot.  It was pretty surprising how many of the cheftestants had never made a pie in their lives—even I’ve made pie before! 

Some stuck with the traditional apple pie, while others were throwing whatever they could find from the fridge into a crust and serving it up like it was normal.  Tapioca pie, Alex, really?  Ed thought it was normal to throw a little celery in with his banana cream.  Freaks.

Tracey had to completely remake her pie because her first one had too much butter in it.  Didn’t matter, she still ended up in the bottom with Ed and his weird celery/banana combo.  On the flip side, Kelly, Stephen, and Kenny were in the top with Kenny taking home the gold.

Elimination Challenge

For some unknown reason, Amanda was babbling about how she had a drug problem in her early 20’s.  Not sure how that’s relevant, but thanks for the info.  Maybe that explains how territorial she is and why she was fighting with Alex over an oven later (Tom got to witness this spectacle of maturity).  Don’t take her oven or her pills.  Check.

The challenge this week was to make a dish for an intern barbeque at Mount Vernon.  There were plenty of inappropriate intern jokes, which would have been hilarious in 1995.

It was nice to see some of the chefs lose their mind, even though it seems a bit early for such behavior.  Tracey’s method of cooking can be a bit unconventional.  She was giving herself pep talks the entire time which mostly involved her repeating “Put your back into it.”  Yep.  Meanwhile, Tiffany was running around the kitchen screaming like a maniac and then complained that no one takes her seriously.

When it came time to light the grill, Arnold had to watch Kenny because he didn’t know how to do it.  He’s adorable.  In a shocking twist of events, Angelo made Asian food—how original.  However, I will give him credit that he admitted that Amanda’s ribs were better than his dish.  That moment of humility was a nice change of pace for him.  He’s still a buttface though.

What I really didn’t understand was what the hell these people were serving as picnic food.  Lentil hummus, Israeli couscous, bacon-wrapped fish?  I must be too small-town for these clowns.

Ed’s personality officially sucks.  I don’t really mind the fact that he finds Alex repulsive (that dude is strange), but his little speech about how he’s already surpassed his father’s career as an executive chef made me want to punch him in the face.  Watch your back, Ed!

Judges’ Table

During the little 30-second segment, it was revealed that Tracey is a clairvoyant.  That’s fun at parties.  Too bad she told Andrea that her husband was going to leave her.  That was a downer.

Bottom:  Tim, Stephen, Tracey, Kevin

Stephen was super confident until he got called out as one of the bottom.  Tim is stressing me out!  His dish wasn’t that bad, only his veggies missed the mark.  Padma said that Kevin made “the safest Puerto Rican food ever.”  Tracey’s sausage patties left much to be desired and Tom went so far as to call them “insulting to Italians.”  Ouch-a-roo.  Everyone will miss out on more fun psychic readings because Tracey was told to pack her knives and go.  Is it just me or do they all look cross-eyed as they exit the kitchen for the last time?

Top:  Arnold, Ed, Amanda, Angelo

Arnold, who said “I’m not a grill guy.  I mean, it’ll clog the pores way too fast” won the grill challenge.  I’m super glad because not only is he amazing, but the other three are turdbuckets.

Quotes of the Week

“Pies live in the clouds with unicorns.  They just appear in a magical way.”-Arnold

“My grandmother isn’t a pastry chef either, but she can make a pie.”-Johnny Iuzzini (I love when the guest judges get sassy)

“I want to eat the ass out of this pig allllll day.”-Alex

Favorites

Timothy

Arnold

Kenny (mostly because I hate Angelo)

Non-Favorites

Angelo

Kelly

Ed

Amanda

Eliminated Chefs

John

Jacqueline

Tracey

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