What I've Learned From TLC's Bride Shows
All Bridal Consultants Wear Black -- I don't know how long I was watching Say Yes To The Dress and Say Yes To The Dress, Atlanta, before I realized that little fact. That's the way I am. Something will be right in front of my face until one day I'll finally notice it. The first time I did I went into denial. I told myself they wouldn't all be wearing black. They're selling wedding gowns. Why dress like they're going to a funeral. But darned if they don't all wear black.
All Wedding Gowns Are Strapless -- Over time this has begun to bug me. I'm like, when did wedding gowns become so cookie cutter? As a kid I used to make wedding gowns for my Barbie dolls and they would be different. Some off-the-shoulder, some with short sleeves, some with spaghetti straps and some with long sleeves. It's only a rare occasion you see a little caplet sleeve or spaghetti straps. God forbid anyone have sleeves down to their wrists. I really have to believe that designers are making wedding gowns that aren't all strapless. For some reasons TLC just features strapless wedding gowns.
You Take An Entourage To Go Wedding Gown Shopping -- I always envisioned going shopping for a wedding gown by myself. I know what I like, so I wouldn't need a whole group of people to tell me what I like. Not so the TLC brides. They bring their entire family, their friends and sometimes their entire wedding party. That can only lead to trouble asking that many people for their opinions and hoping they'll all agree. Which leads to...
You Don't Buy The Wedding Gown You Like, You Buy The Wedding Gown Your Entourage Likes -- I don't know how many times a bride will love some wedding gown only to prance out for her gathered entourage's approval and for them to totally trash the dress. You look fat. That looks like a coffin lining. That's so not what we picture you in. So she'll try on gown after gown trying to get their approval. She ultimately ends up buying the gown her entourage likes. And I'm at home like, this is your wedding, if you like the dress, get it and tell them all to get bent.
Mothers Of The Bride Are Evil -- Some of these rotten mothers that get highlighted are amazing. Some think it's their wedding. Some don't share the same taste in wedding gowns as the bride and think the bride should wear what they want them to wear. Some ridicule the bride and laugh at them telling them how fat they look in a wedding gown. Some even put on wedding gowns themselves as their daughters are trying on wedding gowns and come to stand on the runway with the bride competing with them to see who looks best in the wedding gown. There was even one mother who picked a mother of the bride dress that looked just like her daughter's wedding gown. But the worst was the mother of this athlete and she was just plain vicious and reduced her daughter to tears as she was trying on gowns. And the macho looking father is just sitting there and saying nothing. Guess we know who wore the pants in the family, and it sure wasn't him. He should have stood up and told his female dog of a wife to stop her viciousness.
Bridesmaids Are Beyotches -- If you thought the friends [or more aptly put frenemies] the bride brings to go wedding gown shopping are bad, wait until it's their turn to buy their bridesmaids gown. One bride found bridesmaid gowns she liked but it was $6 over what they wanted to pay and they were causing a problem about it. Some want to wear low-cut gowns or short gowns or long gowns. Bottom line, they think they should be able to pick the gowns, and too damn bad if what they want goes against the theme of the wedding the bride wants. The most memorable frenemy moment had to be the woman who had a fit because she was one of two matron of honors and thought no one should come above her. She turned what was supposed to be a simple matter of picking out dresses into a huge melodrama.
People Come To Weddings To Be Entertained -- This gem I learned from Four Weddings as the guest brides are always yapping about how the food isn't good enough, there's not a big variety of choices of what to eat, the bar wasn't good enough, the entertainment sucked, etc. In short, the guests don't come there to support the couple that just got married and celebrate their marriage. They come to have a good meal and to be entertained.
This was just a fun look at what TLC's Say Yes To The Dress, Say Yes To The Dress Attanta, Say Yes To The Dress Bridesmaids and Four Weddings are presenting about the weddings of today. But really after watching it, I'd advise women to go shopping for their wedding gowns by themselves and since people don't really come to your wedding to celebrate your marriage and are more the Wedding Crashers variety of guests, you might want to consider eloping.
