What You Don't Know About Your Lawn Gnome

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Lawn gnomes are common occupants of lawns and gardens everywhere. They are cute, decorative little creatures that sit proudly in a spot of your choosing, smiling out at passers by. But did you know that's not quite all they're good for? While they brighten up the appearance of your lawn or garden, they are well known to cause quite the occasional ruckus. They can also be quite an annoyance to a neglectful host.

There are probably a few things you should know about that cheerful little guy in your yard. Have a seat and prepare to be informed about what your lawn gnome is up to while you're not looking; the good, the bad, and the mischievous.

Secrets of the Gnome

Lawn gnomes are cute little buggers, aren't they? The moment they are placed in your garden, they brighten up the atmosphere, radiating positive energy to onlookers. It's common knowledge that laughter is contagious, and that's especially true with garden gnomes. All they have to do is smile, and everyone in sight will find themselves smiling, too.

They are silent observers. Nothing that goes on within the limits of your property will go unnoticed by these guys. And if you have more than one, word will travel fast. As long as they are kept happy by their hosts, they will do what they can to protect against malicious intruders. Their most common line of defense is placing themselves directly in the intruder's path, intentionally tripping him.

However, don't underestimate their ability to do the same to you. A lawn gnome will not hesitate to trip someone it does not particularly like. Avoid angering these creatures.

Still wondering how your neighbor found out about that secret of yours? Your gnome overheard your phone conversation, and told her gnome. Watch what you say around them, they love gossip.

Those piles of poo you keep finding in your yard? It's not the neighbor's dog.

You're out sunbathing. You reach for your glass of lemonade, only to find that much more is gone than you recall drinking. We all know that feeling. Gnomes love to steal sips of lemonade, as well as fresh fruit from the picnic basket.

If your gnome is missing, it's likely that he just ran away. Lawn gnomes are creatures with big dreams, and often abandon their hosts to go in search of a better life somewhere. Preferably, one that includes fame and fortune.

The lawn gnome species is generally in cahoots with the infamous sock thief. They will find a way to let him into your house, and they will find a way to smuggle him (and your socks) back out.

Is Your Lawn Gnome Happy?

How to Care for a Gnome

The number one rule for owning a lawn gnome is to carefully control the amount of water they get. Gnomes like to stay clean, but they don't want to drown in the sprinkler either. Put your lawn gnome in a place where the sprinklers won't hit him, but be sure to give him a good hosing down every once in a while.

Also, give your gnome a good view. They like to have a view of the sidewalk, so they can spy on passersby.

Don't allow pets to pee on your garden gnome. Naturally, he will become agitated. If this happens, wash your gnome right away. If you don't at least attempt to console him, there may be negative consequences. This gnome will spread the word.

Make sure your gnome won't be covered by overgrowth in the garden. They hate when that happens, and they will begin to retaliate against you. Consider yourself warned.

Give them some recognition from time to time. They may appear to be just a decoration for your garden, but they are not. A little bit of exaggerated admiration in the general direction of your lawn gnome will suffice just fine.

© 2012 Kristen Haynie

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Comments 10 comments

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

To think all this time I thought lawn gnomes were harmless creatures! I had no idea what they were up to. It is a good thing I don't even have a yard since I am in an apartment. I grew up with pink flamingos in my parents' yard - much safer in my opinion!

Voted up and funny!


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 4 years ago from California Gold Country

I'm glad to see this subject brought to the fore... I hadn't realized the problem of lemonadeaholc gnomes.

I will add a link to my hub about using garden gnomes for self defense if you have no objections.


Kristen Haynie profile image

Kristen Haynie 4 years ago from Modesto, CA Author

Jeannieinabottle,

I like pink flamingos! I would think that they would just stand around looking pretty. I just always thought there was something about lawn gnomes that made them seem suspicious in some way. Thanks for reading, voting, and commenting!


Kristen Haynie profile image

Kristen Haynie 4 years ago from Modesto, CA Author

Rochelle,

Of course there are no objections! I'm glad to know you enjoyed this hub, and I am looking forward to reading yours! Thanks for reading and commenting!


The Mighty Melo profile image

The Mighty Melo 2 years ago

This reminded me of Toy Story, Elf on a Shelf, and Harry Potter all at once.

I'll be sure never to cross a gnome again. Didn't realize how cunning they can be.


rustedmemory profile image

rustedmemory 2 years ago from Lexington, KY

We have a few saint statues in our yard and soon we will find the right gnome to adopt.


spartucusjones profile image

spartucusjones 2 years ago from Parts Unknown

I got a kick out of this hub! I don't have lawn gnomes at the moment (or if I did I can't find where they ran off to). But if I do get lawn gnomes in the future I will now know how to treat them better. You are providing a valuable service here to the betterment of all! Thanks for sharing!


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

I had no idea. I must really invite one of these devil darlings into my yard and care for him well.


Kristen Haynie profile image

Kristen Haynie 2 years ago from Modesto, CA Author

LOL! Well I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for stopping by and commenting!


Kristen Haynie profile image

Kristen Haynie 2 years ago from Modesto, CA Author

I really do have a thing for gnomes. I don't know why. I think they're SO CUTE and I've got them everywhere.

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