What the Crap: Oatmeal Edition



It All Started On A Normal Day

My fella and I were shopping for essential weekend snacks, like cheap beer and rice cakes (we’re eccentric), when we stumbled upon a great little sale at the local <chain> grocery store.  We started out only needing 4 items, but quickly filled our cart with various ancillary garbage so we could save what probably amounted to pennies on each purchase.  This is a common trap I fall into, especially at Ralph’s Buy 10-Select-Items-And-Save-A-Bajillion-Dollars sale.  Unfortunately for my wallet, we were sucked into this whirlwind of “savings” and 4 items quickly jumped to 15 (gotta have the 1 buffer item, just in case).    

While wandering through the aisles, I was delighted to see that oatmeal was one of the selected items.  After weeks of eating cold cereal every morning, I thought a warm bowl of sugary goodness would be the exact change I needed to turn my whole world around.  However, as I perused the flavors, I noticed a slightly peculiar sign:

Oatmeal Crap On Sale

What's There To Hate?


Why So Down, Charlie Brown?

Was this an honest mistake or the mastery of an extremely disgruntled employee?  Did this person have a vendetta against all oatmeal or just Quaker specifically?  Perhaps he/she has a personal beef with the Quaker Oats Man with his plain clothes and smug smile.  Was I the only person to notice this lonely employee’s cry for help?  Was there anything I could do to reach out and save this bitter sign-maker?  I quickly decided I was way too far along on my own personal journey to be bothered with anyone else’s, so I grabbed a box of the crap (variety pack, of course) and made my way to the check-out line. 

Alas, I giggle every time I enjoy a bowl of crap oatmeal and wonder if that lost soul has settled the score with the white-haired man in the black hat.  I hope that whoever made that sign finds the kind of peace that I have when I place a spoonful of warm hearty oatmeal on my tongue.

More by this Author

Comments 6 comments

lmmartin profile image

lmmartin 6 years ago from Alberta and Florida

Funny. Thanks for sharing. Lynda

Megavitamin profile image

Megavitamin 6 years ago Author

Thanks for reading!

Jason 6 years ago


Megavitamin profile image

Megavitamin 6 years ago Author

Glad to amuse you, Jason. Thanks for stopping by!

Canklefish profile image

Canklefish 6 years ago from East Coast

The disgruntled employee obviously doesn't hail from the 'pick your battles' school of thought; The Quaker oats dude isn't somebody to be taken lightly, on any level...

This hub put a smile on my face, that may very possibly last the entire day...

Megavitamin profile image

Megavitamin 6 years ago Author

I completely agree. Anyone who walks around in that hat and wears a smile that says "Yeah, I know I look good" is obviously able to take care of business. That disgruntled employee better watch his/her back!

Thanks for the comment! I'm glad my ramblings entertained you :0)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article