What the Crap: Oatmeal Edition
It All Started On A Normal Day
My fella and I were shopping for essential weekend snacks, like cheap beer and rice cakes (we’re eccentric), when we stumbled upon a great little sale at the local <chain> grocery store. We started out only needing 4 items, but quickly filled our cart with various ancillary garbage so we could save what probably amounted to pennies on each purchase. This is a common trap I fall into, especially at Ralph’s Buy 10-Select-Items-And-Save-A-Bajillion-Dollars sale. Unfortunately for my wallet, we were sucked into this whirlwind of “savings” and 4 items quickly jumped to 15 (gotta have the 1 buffer item, just in case).
While wandering through the aisles, I was delighted to see that oatmeal was one of the selected items. After weeks of eating cold cereal every morning, I thought a warm bowl of sugary goodness would be the exact change I needed to turn my whole world around. However, as I perused the flavors, I noticed a slightly peculiar sign:
Oatmeal Crap On Sale
What's There To Hate?
Why So Down, Charlie Brown?
Was this an honest mistake or the mastery of an extremely disgruntled employee? Did this person have a vendetta against all oatmeal or just Quaker specifically? Perhaps he/she has a personal beef with the Quaker Oats Man with his plain clothes and smug smile. Was I the only person to notice this lonely employee’s cry for help? Was there anything I could do to reach out and save this bitter sign-maker? I quickly decided I was way too far along on my own personal journey to be bothered with anyone else’s, so I grabbed a box of the crap (variety pack, of course) and made my way to the check-out line.
Alas, I giggle every time I enjoy a bowl of crap oatmeal and wonder if that lost soul has settled the score with the white-haired man in the black hat. I hope that whoever made that sign finds the kind of peace that I have when I place a spoonful of warm hearty oatmeal on my tongue.
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