How to Tell if It's Love or Friendship

Is It Love or Friendship?

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Okay, so, you want to know how to tell if your current relationship is love or friendship. I mean, you have grown close to this guy or you've been hanging out more frequently with a particular girl, but you're not sure whether there is more to the relationship than normal BFF vibes. This hub discusses some of the ways to tell if it is love or friendship.

Mutual Friendship

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How you can tell if it's friendship

If it is friendship then the relationship will probably be characterized by simple hanging out with few or no strings attached. Six common characteristics of friendship in the 20th century include:

  • Hanging out together at lunchtime and maybe on the weekend (usually with a common group of other friends)
  • Openly commenting on Facebook posts
  • Posting common photos on Facebook wall
  • Sharing openly about life issues at home, school, work and or with other friends or enemies
  • Text messaging on a daily basis with few expectations as to how often
  • Few if any hormonal mood swings; no physical arousal

Hanging out together at Lunchtime, but with a group of friends

The first indication that it is friendship is that you want to hangout together on a regular basis at lunchtime and maybe on weekends. If it is friendship you will usually hang out together with a pack of friends rather than alone.

Friend each other on Facebook and comment on Facebook posts

In 2012, another indication of friendship is friending each other on your Facebook accounts. More than that, friends will take time each day to view each other's Facebook posts and comment (or play practical jokes) on each other's posts.

Post common group photos on Facebook Wall

Friendship in the 21st century also includes taking common photos and posting the common photos on each other's Facebook wall. Like the first point, these photos will likely be group photos with more than the two friends.

Share Openly about life issues at home, school, work, or with other Friends or Enemies

Friendship in the 21st century also means openly sharing struggles with basic life issues that arise at home, school, work or with other friends or enemies. True friends know everything about each other and do not judge each other for gossiping (sharing their heart) about what is happening in their lives. They openly talk about mom and dad, teachers, supervisors and coworkers; and what the girl across the quad is wearing; all without fear of reprisal.

Trade Cell Phone Numbers for Text Messaging

If it is friendship, then you will trade cell numbers and text message each other on a daily basis, but their will be few if any expectations as to how often.

Few if Any Hormonal Mood Swings

If it is friendship rather than love, speaking intimately about their lives or sharing moments of close proximity will rarely if ever lead to physical arousal. Arousal means that the natural hormones that move guys and girls beyond friendship to more physical touch and play will not be activated. In general, any resultant feelings will be like with a sibling such as a brother and sister.

How you can tell if it's love

If it is love, then all of the above will become more isolated and harder while paradoxically becoming more loyal and defensive of each other's actions. How you can tell if it is possibly love check for the following signs:

  • Become more possessive of the relationship
  • Start blabbing indiscriminately about what you like and hate
  • Communicate less openly; communication becomes harder even though you think it should become easier
  • An unexpected desire to vehemently defend the actions of the one you love against all attacks
  • Hormones are activated within seconds; the closer you get in physical proximity the harder it is to speak
  • Post more couples photos and less group photos on Facebook wall
  • Use more private messaging and less open posts on Facebook wall; spy on Facebook activities
  • If you have a cell phone, text message back and forth continuously throughout the day (and worry if your love interest has not texted back within three minutes)

Become more possessive of the relationship

When it is love, you will begin to become more possessive the relationship. You will find yourself gradually spending more alone time together and less time with your circle of friends.

Start blabbing indiscriminately about what you like and hate

When it is love, you will find yourself in weird conversations in which you indiscriminately blab out what you like and even more so what you hate. You won't know why you are talking about it but you just do. It seems those moving towards love must declare their boundaries.

Communicate less openly; communication becomes harder even though you think it should become easier

When it is love, communication will become harder because expectations will increase. As you grow closer and make yourself more vulnerable, it seems there is more at stake. Suddenly your heart is exposed and subject to being hurt.

An unexpected desire to vehemently defend the actions of the one you love against all attacks

When it is love, you will find that you will become defensive when your partner is attacked. You will suddenly find yourself taking up offense for your partner.

Hormones are activated within seconds; the closer you get in physical proximity the harder it is to speak

When it is love, hormones are activated within seconds and they begin to choke all intelligent life in the brain. It is this chemical reaction that is cause for most of the other points in this discussion. Ulimately, the relationship begins to get weird.

Post more couples photos and less group photos on Facebook wall

When in the past you posted group photos, now you will begin to post individual photos of the other person or couple photos.

More private messaging and less posts on Facebook wall; spy on Facebook activities

When it is love, your Facebook habits will shift from open posts on each other's walls and you more private messaging. It is also likely that you will want to spy on your partner's Facebook wall to see who they are interacting with (or perhaps flirting with).

If you have a cell phone, text message back and forth continuously throughout the day (and worry if your love interest has not texted back within three minutes)

Finally, when it is love, your text messaging back and forth will increase dramatically and you will worry and perhaps become upset if your significant other has not texted back in less a couple minutes.


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Comments 5 comments

abbykorinnelee profile image

abbykorinnelee 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

I am glad you wrote a hub that includes the newer ways of knowing when its friendship or love because things like Facebook alone really do change the way we interact now than we did when I was a teenager and I don't know what stuff means when people do things or not sometimes...its very insightful to detail it a little bit as well because some people think its straightforward and self explanatory but others may be confused. Life has changed more so than I ever thought it would in the last 15 years.


ecoggins profile image

ecoggins 4 years ago from Corona, California Author

Thank you abbykorinnelee for another encouragng comment. I agree that relationships have taken a whole new turn in the 21st century. Social Media and cell phones have helped rewrite the rules on how to relate.


abbykorinnelee profile image

abbykorinnelee 4 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

It gets confusing for me from my generation and how its done now! It's so strange to think someday in the near future I have to try the dating thing in this day and age...would much prefer how simple it seemed to be back "when" lol.


teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

I enjoyed your points on how to tell if it's love or friendship. Now days, the text messaging is a good sign.


ecoggins profile image

ecoggins 4 years ago from Corona, California Author

teaches12345, thank you. Now it's text messaging, back then it was holding the phone to your ear for endless minutes with few if any words spoken (especially by the guy).

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