"Single Mothers Stop Being Married To Your Children"

Single Mothers Stop Being Married To Your Children"

Mother's stop being married to your children.
Mother's stop being married to your children.

''Single Mothers, Stop Being Married To Your Children"

This hub is dedicated to single mothers that is the head of the household. When there's only one parent in the household, children can become spoil and rotten brats, depending totally on that parent whether it's mom or dad. I know this for a fact since I was a single mother for a long time, before I married again and my kids were all grown up but one . Single mothers and divorced mothers tend to spoil their children. They're really trying to make up for the other parent that not there. The reason I know this is because I played that roll with my five children. The simple truth is we can't make it up no matter how hard we try. I use to cook special meals and desserts for them because I didn't have a lot of money to do special things with them. So, I did the best I could with what I had.

I gave them what ever it was they wanted to eat. Since I was a pretty good cook, it wasn't a problem. One thing all my children can say is they ate the best foods anyone could ask for because I prepare great meals for them, because of my ability to cook almost anything their little pallads desired. They didn't go lacking for any good foods. All mothers want the best for their children. We if the dads aren't around that's a strike against our children. We try to compensate in other areas of their lives to make them happy and content. I know single and divorced mothers know exactly what I'm talking about. We have all over compensated for the happiness of our children. Our children tend to depend upon us more because they know we're their for them. They know if it is God's will, we will be there for them in their time of need.

Our children have a tendency to get just as possessive as some of the husbands that we us to have. They wanting to know things like, Where you going, What you're doing, Who you re doing it with, How long will you be gone? This is the routine for most single or divorced mothers, and the truth is, it's really not any of their business. We have allowed this kind of behavior to go on for so long that they think they can get away with. Mother's this is unacceptable behavior and it cannot go on any longer or you will be embarrassed and frustrated the rest of your days. If we don't tell your children you're the child and I'm the adult and where we go, is not their concern. When you're coming back and who you're going to see really isn't none of their business. If they continue to scrutinize you about how you live your life. You will have to put them in their place. This kind of scrutinizing coming form your children can really become a royal pain in the butt. This is what happens until we put a stop to it. We have to tell our children that they're not your husband or your parent. Tell them to stop questioning you about your actions and take care of their own business and leave yours alone.

If we're away from home, we don't want the children to be calling us around the clock asking when we're coming home. These actions can be down right embarrassing to say the least.Only we can put a stop to our children harassing us when we're away from home. We should leave a number. Where we can be reached only for emergency purposes and nothing more. It will get to a point where the single mother, don't have a life. Since we let our child dominate in that department. So, it's time to get a life and live it. Let the children know their place in your life and hands off your personal life. I'm sure they want like like it, but there's not a lot they can do about it. We have to let them know that there is a life after them. We all should tell the children how much we love them and need them. We should let them know that we also need a friend to communicate with and do fun things with too. Let them know how selfish it is of them, to want you to spend all your time with them. Let them know you need a break and some time alone. Also make them aware that you need time away from them every now and then.

I thought of this hub when I had a young lady friend of mines come by my home. While she was with me, not twenty minutes lapsed before her phone started ringing. She just looked at it and said it's only the kids. The phone wouldn't stop ringing and she finally answered it. The question was, where are you? what you're doing? I asked her are you sure you don't have a husband? She kind of laugh and said that they all ways do that to me. A good ten minutes later she gets another call form yet another child. Wanting to know the same information. I told her, I think you do have a husband. Finally I told her that I use to have the same problem with my children. You have to put your foot down and tell them only to call if it's an extreme emergency and nothing else. She said she would have to talk to them and tell them. Since that was very embarrassing to her. I told her the kids calling like that would drive me bonkers and she said it did bother her a lot. I told her to tell hem to stop doing it because they aren't your husband are your parent and you're not obligated to tell them anything.

I know it's a hard thing to do, when it has gone on for so long. it does need to be stopped. Especially if your kids are hounding you from the moment you leave home. We all need some me time to unwind and take a break but if you don't discipline our kids we'll never have any time to do anything for ourselves. Take a little bit of advice from someone that has been there and done that. Stop them from menacing you and every move you make so you can take a much needed break and be able to enjoy it.

Benny Faye Douglass

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Comments 43 comments

creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 4 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Chazz, I do understand what you're saying but it's such a waste. I'm truly sorry that it's to late for you both but I pray that God bless you to get exactly who you need in your life. Godspeed. creativeone59


chazzhamp 4 years ago

Thanks, Creative. I truly appreciate your words. But its too late. And you know what, I'm really at peace with it now. I know in my heart she will see the damage its done to everyone, but more to her son.

The purpose was to show others the destruction that can happen from not setting boundaries and carrying the "single mom" mantra into a new marriage. It is a living H*LL. As a step dad, I have certain rules that I must lead my family by. My wife/child's mother must support our house rules and me, as I must support her. The minute that dissension occurs and its not discussed (in private), these issues continue to manifest. It's been two long years and I am at peace with it because I have tried everything that I could think of to get her to see what she is doing.

Sometimes even adults can't see...


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 4 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Chazz, I'm truly sorry,you might start off by letting her read this article and if that doesn't work,tell her that she is living a unhealthy life style with her son because she doesn't up hold you alls marriage vowels.It's great to love your children, but you have a life and soon as the kid get a life,he want be anywhere to be found. Tell her that this obsession with have her son being around all the time is destroying you alls realtionship and until she can put her son on hold sometimes, that there want be a realationships at all. Godspeed. creativeone59


chazzhamp 4 years ago

Wow, I needed to see this article! I am married to a "single mom." That just sounds confusing, right??!! READ ON!! I love this woman and love her son as well. It's just she never set boundaries for him and our marriage has suffered immensely from it. We moved to a new city, I before her and was here for 6 months while son completed high school (or should I say, while wife completed high school for him). She arrived as he went to live with his father. She and I were alone for 3 days and he was here. I didn't know he was coming until the night before he came. That was the last time she and I had any "reconnecting time." If we go anywhere, he is in the back seat. If we go walking down the street he is nestled right next to her. If I ask her out, she's trying to find a way to bring him along. He constantly hugs on her, kisses on her, it really started to weird me out. I forgot to mention this child is 18. He does not go out of the house often, goes to college locally and makes no friends. My wife even took him around to find him some "activities" to do as if he was 5 years old. I have spoken too her, I've pleaded with her, as our intimate life is out the window. I just stay out of the way and am considered an afterthought. I've left, I've come back, we've gone to counseling (and the counselor recommended a date for just us two, she took the son instead of me, go figure??!!). That was the last stab in my eye. I told her I am not happy in this marriage any longer and now we are looking to divorce. She is trying hard to make amends, but after 2 years of this, I'm tired and am convinced this will be her life for a very long time.

Single moms, please listen... Your new husband is there for you and too support your child(ren), if he is genuine. Remember that your kids are very important too you, and your kids will always be the kids. Your husband loves you and the kids all, but expects time alone with you too. If you cannot go out because the kids are calling you or questioning you about your whereabouts, sorry to say, you're not ready for a relationship. I had to tell my wife that. And as the author stated, if you don't put these boundaries in place at a early age, this could happen in your new relationship.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 4 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you so much 4seazons, for your visit and positive feedback. I appreciate you. Godspeed. creativeone59


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 4 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you so much 4seazsons, for your visit and psoitive feedback. I appreciate you. Godspeed. creativeone59


4seazons profile image

4seazons 4 years ago from Queens

Much needed Hub. I counsel women and especially single-moms and your writing brings truth to the forefront. I notice that especially mothers with sons tend to depend on them for everything. I have a friend that learned the hard way why this is really potentially dangerous. It takes a long time to undo the damage! Thank you.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 5 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you jamterrell, for your vist and comment. Mothers sepecially put their children first, the stop having lives. We should have a life and not let our children rule it. God less you. credativeone59


jamterrell profile image

jamterrell 5 years ago

Very useful hub and a lesson to every ladies who are single mothers or who aimed top be.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 5 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Nana, for your visit and feedback, I do agree that some children may have insecurities, then this is when you tell them how much you love them and if it's God will you will be back to them, when ever you leave. You have those children that they think they should keep tabs on you, like they're your parent and that should be stopped before they get carried away. God bless you. creativeone59


ThussaysNanaMarie profile image

ThussaysNanaMarie 5 years ago from In my oyster

Well done! Very interesting and to the point. I agree with everything you wrote. However as a child who grew up with a single parent (Dad) I was terrified when he was out for too long. I think subconsciously children have already lost one parent and think they might be abandoned again. It could sometimes be a case of insecurity. It needs to be dealt with carefully but firmly as a timeout for mental health.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 5 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Wooded, for your visit and comment, I truly appreciate you. I didn't mean to kick you in the butt, I just want single parent to start putting themselves first, especially after you have raise your kids to adulthood. It's your time now to relax and let your hair down. It's time to think of yourself and let everyone else take care of themselves. Wooded, we're only given one life so it's time for you to venture in search of what will make you happy with the time you have left, you have done a good job of raising your children and now it's time for you to be foot loose and fancy free. From this day forward, I hope you live the rest of your days as if it's your last. Much love. Godspeed. creativeone59


Wooded 5 years ago

Your hub really hit home with me tonight. I have grown children that are so spoiled they will not even leave home. I have always tried to make up for being the only parent but I am growing tired. Thanks for the kick in the butt!


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 5 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Charm, for stopping by and leaving your precious comment. I truly appreciate you. It's always a blessing to see you. Godspeed. creativeone59


charm_baker profile image

charm_baker 5 years ago from Los Angeles, California

Greetings Creativeone59 - Hubs like this are the reason I'm trying so hard to get more in tuned to networking. You're always so kind and generous to read mine (and others) work and share your thoughts. I have no doubt you were and still are an excellent Mom. You are absolutely on point with your comments. Both me and my older sister went through this with our kids. They're all grown men now, with lives of their own, and we're two old spinsters! LOL. I love your insight. Thanks again


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you ebrenda, for your visit and comment, I guess your mom, knows how to handle children. God bless you. creativeone59


ebrenda123 profile image

ebrenda123 6 years ago from West Palm Beach, FL

I loved your post, my Mom just never answers her phone, and when she's ready to end the phone call, she just hangs up! without even a goodbye,... lol


Ms.TyTy profile image

Ms.TyTy 6 years ago

I am a single mother as well and I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to spoil my son. Its hard raising a boy into a man and I do want to sometimes give him more because his father isn't around, but its all about balance. I think that's the key to parenting. Love and balance. Enjoyed reading your hub!!


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Nate sean, I'm sorry it took me so long to asnwer back, but hope your cousins mom get a grip on it before it's to late to fix the damages. Thank you for stopping by my hubs. I appreciate you. Blessings. creativeone59


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

pmccray, you're right we all have to put our children in their plac, if we ever want to live a life. Thanks for stopping by and thanks for this great comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59


NateSean profile image

NateSean 6 years ago from Salem, MA

My cousin is 18. He dropped out of high school and has no intentions of getting his GED, or even a job because he is on disability for his Bi-Polar disorder. He still lives with his mom and she does everything for him.

Growing up he never had to fight his own battles at school, she never pushed him when it came to learning anything. While he was "home schooling" he hardly did any actual schooling and as a consequence he has the reading level of a first grader.

It's sad but that's just another example of the kind of parenting you described here. It's only too bad your article didn't reach my aunt in time.


pmccray profile image

pmccray 6 years ago from Utah

creativeone59: Oh girl been there done that. My husband died when my son was 16 years old. He was his stepfather, but they shared a love and bond that could not be broken. A year and a half after his death I decided to date again, that's when my son got on my last nerve. It was worse than being a teenager again living with my Mother! I almost gave in and decided to become a nun until he left home, it was then that my Mother gave me some timely advice. She said "Pam when your son starts dating regularly he won't give two hoots about, what you do or who you do it with. He'll be busy with his new life and you'll be sitting here alone." I'll be darn that next month he started going steady with a girl and was hardly ever home much less watching me. This hub is right on time. I think single moms feel guilty and as women always feel we must make all the sacrifices for our children. Thanks for setting these young mothers straight. You can still have a life, and love your children, but you can't allow them to ride rough shod over you. You're the adult and they will always be the children. God bless you.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Wisdombound1970, but we are all guilty at one time or another, we just have to put our foot down and let the children know; what you do, where you do it and who you do it with is off limits. Then maybe we can gain our motherly independance back. Just keep trying until you get it right, it took me a little while but I finally made it and you will too. Godspeed. creativeone59


wisdombound1970 profile image

wisdombound1970 6 years ago from Mesa ,Arizona

All I can say is guilty! guilty! guilty!.It's hard to break some old habits but I'm working on it!.thanks creativeone59.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you dear for all your wonderful hubs and thank for stopping by my hubs, I appreciate you and your comments and feedback. Blessings to you. creativeone59


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 6 years ago from Canada

by the way yes it is Stumbled Upon!


Rebecca E. profile image

Rebecca E. 6 years ago from Canada

thank goodness we have someone like you here, I am a mom with two kids and a former husband, and I look at it as they need to be independant on this earth but also help others. Love reading something that tells me I'm doing the right thing, and not being supermom 24/7


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you so much Lady D, I tried to be a good mother, although sometimes it wasn't an easy task, but we can do all things through Christ; which strengthen us. Thank you for stopping by and thanks for you comment and feedback. I try to write about mu life's experiences, they aren't always pretty, but true. Godspeed. creativeone59


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago

Creativeone, This is a wonderful hub with much wisdom! I am sure that you were and are a great Mother! Sharing this helps other single Moms to THINK about ways to improve their relationships now! What has been done cannot be changed. But it certainly can help to strengthen you and break cycles from repeating or continuing... Keeping in mind that they are the parent and their children are not adults...

You are so right NO matter what you do and no matter how hard you try you cannot take the place of the father! But you can be the best "YOU" you can be! I am sure that if they take time to think about it, your children know that you made many sacrifices to provide them with love & comfort! Bless you for your heartfelt sharing, In His Love & Blessings!


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

I sure quite a few mothers can apply this to their lives because of mothers wanting to be everything to their children, and sometimes we go over board with them. Thank you for your comment and feedback.creativeone59


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

ivori you're correct,because it only leads to the kids thinking they can scrutinize you and your actions. Thank you for your comment and feedback. blessing to you. creativeone59


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Micky Dee for being a real fan, you're the greatest. Thank you for your comment and feedback. I truly appreciate you Godspeed. creativeone59


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you Hello, you know I try to write about truth, even about my life. Thank you for your comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59


Veronica Allen profile image

Veronica Allen 6 years ago from Georgia

Wow! I can apply this in my life even though I'm not a single mother. Thanks creativeone.


ivori 6 years ago

Been there, done that, too. Love is important, but subserviant is not acceptable. Great hub, thank you!


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

I might tend to avoid some writings that don't seem to pertain to me but it's good to see what others might go through. I want to understand others and what they may be going through. I tend to want to read all of your hubs though. Thanks


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 6 years ago from London, UK

You have a lot of trutch in it and it is a well writen hub. Thank you for a great read.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

You are welcome dear heart, the African proverb is so true. thank you for your comment and feedback. Blessing my dear. creativeone59


BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 6 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

I love the title - it says so much! Women are told they should be 'super moms' 24/7 - what an impossible job! We just have to stop. Mothers have become full time servants to their children and not the teachers they were meant to be.

I love proverbs and one of my favorites is from an African country: - 'it is the duty of the children to wait on the elders and not the elders to wait on the children ' good ancient advice.

Thanks for the hub!


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you so much christinecook, I appreciate you, your comment and feedback. I try with the help of God, to tell the truth when I'm writing, especially about my trials and tribulations, but we do have to put our children in their place, or they will run right over us. You have a blessed day. creativeone59


christinecook profile image

christinecook 6 years ago

thank you for sharing your wisdom. we do give in to often not showing that we are the parent and they are the child. I am guilty and I am married. I have a hard time drawing that line myself at times..to many times.God Bless you for sharing,I rated this one up


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona Author

Thank you're right on all count Audrey, it's hard but if we don't let go, they want ever learn life's lessons. Thank you so much for your comment and feedback. God bless you dear. creativeone59


akirchner profile image

akirchner 6 years ago from Central Oregon

It is hard to cut the cord so to speak isn't it? But it must be done - we watched a family of hawks last summer right behind our house. They literally pushed the hawklings out of the nest when it was time to go and MADE them fly. It made me think of all kinds of analogies and how hard it is for parents to let go and not be so tied to their children and have their children tied to them. Letting go of our middle boy who is legally blind was tough but I figure being your own person and teaching your children to be their own person is the best gift you can give....great hub~ Audrey

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