Some Tips on Child-rearing
Two Golden Rules
This hub may be very short because I only have two tips to share which might be of some use to you in your dealings with your children of any age. The two tips I propose to discuss are as follows:
- Learn to say No and mean No.
- Ask for help from your children.
These are two guidelines which come very easily to some parents but other parents, including myself have difficulty with them. The rest of this hub will be a discussion of these two basic rules which have had a very positive effect on my child-rearing and on my children themselves.
Learn to Say No and Mean No.
Perhaps this should be specified as the need to say No, the need to mean No and the need to stick to "No" regardless of what pressure comes back from your child.
It is suggested that with young ones of 12-14 years old it is necessary to say no 80% of the time. For 14-16 year olds, say no 60% of the time.
There are many advantages of this:
- Your child learns boundaries.
- You are empowered to keep your child safe rather than giving in to something you do not agree with.
- It is much easier to change No into Yes when you have taken time to consider the matter if you choose to change your mind.
- It is much harder to change Yes into No in the same circumstances.
- Your child learns respect for your word and respects that you can keep it even though you reserve the right to change your mind and/or your decision as above.
Saying No is a necessary prerequisite to good child-rearing. It is taking the easy way out to say Yes and give in all the time.
For the sake of your children's welfare and to be responsible and have peace of mind, say No, mean No and be consistent about it.
Ask for help from your children
Too often we take on too much in terms of responsibility for household chores and other things which would be much better shared with the others we live with. This is often for what we perceive as a quiet life even though we have a burden of too much to do while others in the household have too little to do.
Children are well able to share household tasks and indeed if they do so they are much more likely to keep their living space cleaner for longer if they have to do some of the cleaning themselves.
The advantages of asking your children for help around the home are as follows:
- Children can be more involved in the running of their home rather than leaving it all up to someone else.
- Sharing tasks and doing them together leads to more opportunities for communication between you and your children
- Children get the opportunity to master new skills while doing chores.
- It lightens the burden on the adult or adults in the home who are often overwhelmed by the amount that has to be done.
- Doing chores fosters and develops independence in children.
If you haven't asked your child before for help in the maintenance of your home start by giving small chores and give plenty of encouragement for a job well done.
I have found that since I started to do these two things my children are happier and there is better communication with them. By involving them in the running of their home and by being assertive about saying no when you are in doubt about what they want they learn to respect you and respect themselves.
As I said before, some parents are better at these two principles than others but we can all learn as we go along and our children will be better for it.
Remember to have the confidence to say No sometimes and get your children involved in their home by sharing the household chores with them
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