Tied to the Apron Strings

Sunday morning again, the toy boy taxi driver arrived home at 3.27am got into bed, cold against my back, and within seconds was snoring, deep in slumber.

The weather today is very mild, it had rained all day yesterday. The sun is out and I have a lawn full of daisies. The birds are in full song and I can hear the buzz from the bees investigating the rhodendrum bush. Where am I, sitting at this computer again? You see I am very excited, Craig and Rebecca are coming for dinner.

Craig is my only child and we have always been very close. But how true the saying is 'A daughter for all the days of her life, a son until he takes a wife' Craig and Rebecca lived with Gordon and I for twelve months before finding a home of their own. My little two bedroom house was very crowded but I loved every minute of it. The house was full of laughter, and sometimes full of bad humour, but it was never empty.

Craig and Rebecca moved out in January 2010, it was one of the hardest times in my life. I wept buckets but tried to be a very brave little soldier for all our sakes. I would walk into his bedroom just to get a faint lingering smell off him. Spent endless time rooting for any remnants of dirty washing, and there were a few, just to feel close to him again. He had only moved two miles away but it could of been one hundred for all the difference it made. I knew I would seldom see him. I was losing my baby to another woman.

I scoured the streets looking out for him, getting very excited tooting the car horn when I got a glimpse. Gordon couldn't understand my feelings at all and was looking forward to turning the second bedroom into an office, he wanted to free our dining room of clutter from the computer.

It wasn't long until Craig realised he missed mum's cooking.,so the phone went and his voice asked "are you doing Sunday dinner this week mum". I wasn't going to, it wasn't the same without the kids. All the fuss peeling potatoes, roasting a joint of meat just for two of us, and I am a vegetarian. Hence started the Sunday dinner ritual.

It has been almost six months since Craig flew the nest, but I still look forward to his arrival. I cook all his favourite things and have now got used to Rebecca eating her vegetables from a second plate, and remember not to put gravy on anything but the meat or she wont eat it. If only they would stay and talk.

Instead they eat their food, chat a little, and rush out the door as if the hounds of hell are at their heels. I do demand a kiss as they leave, and wish I could stay dirty for the week so as not to wash the kisses away. Every moment of time I spend with my son is precious. They are expecting their first baby in December and I can't wait. I secretly want the baby to be a boy, selfishly wanting to recapture my baby days again.

I miss all those intimate moments that a mother shares with her child. I miss my very best friend, the man and boy who went to carry the shopping and have a McDonalds with me on the way home. Or the fact he put his head around my bedroom door every evening with a "love you mum" before he went to bed. It has been so hard to cut those apron strings.

We both know that I will allways be there for him, I love Rebecca as if she was my daughter, but my heart still remains sad. Craig is a special child, coming from a broken marriage, he has a wealth of knowledge far beyond his years, he will make a very special dad and I love him.

Do all mums feel like me, I guess they do? Leave me a message with your own experiences, I would love to share thoughts with you.

 Two of the most important people in my life.