Eliminate Stress With Cub Scout Zip Packs!

How to Eliminate Stress by Eliminating Dirty Dishes

Are there any moms in the crowd? Are there any dads who constantly fight the never ending battle of the dirty dish? Are there any kids reading this who are tired of parental abuse that sounds like “Pick up those dirty plates, please, my darling, or I’ll ring your neck?”

I have the answer to all your woes. Here is the mindful destination for all your mournful queries regarding “how do I get those lazy kids to clean up after themselves”? Get rid of your pots and pans. Donate the family heirloom china to the waste dump. “How?” you might ask?

No Pots Cooking! Read on you non Scouters! Your trials are over. Admittedly, had I thought of all these ideas myself, you’d see me on the food channel, but instead, I am beg, borrowing and stealing from some pretty smart ten year olds. Moms and Pops, after reading this, you will agree that old age, especially after 30, does have its perks. How devious, we can sometimes be.

Recipe Number One:

One frozen hamburger patty

One BIG slice onion

One BIG handful of frozen veggies. Fresh work well also.

One not so big handful of chopped up potatoes, raw.

1 two/three second squirt of ketchup, or if it’s Christmas, Easter or other holiday, Bar B Q sauce.

1 twelve by fourteen piece of aluminum foil

1 bottle of red nail polish #2

Place foil on a flat surface. Hopefully you kept your kitchen table, otherwise a 2x10 board works well.

Place hamburger on the foil

Pile everything on top of that.

Squirt ketchup on top of that.

Fold foil over everything. Be sure no steam holes are present.

Fold ends of foil over to ensure a tight fit.

Put in a 350 degree oven for 30-35 minutes. Check. If you went real native and eliminated your stove, make a campfire in the bath tub, as long as poppa cuts a hole in the roof first, so the house doesn’t get too smoky, and cook on the resulting hot coals. Now if you have a plastic bath tub, I don’t have an answer, except, when you want something done right, ask a woman. So, phone or text the local Girl Scout office and they will help you

When hamburgers are cooked and potatoes are hot- eat.

Have the little rascals use the balled up foils as a conductor against their braces for radio waves.

What about the red nail polish? Use that to write each other’s names on the top of the foil, so no one complains that they only got 53 potato pieces and brother got 54.

“But I want dessert”, they whine. You laugh the laugh of the insane as you pass out a banana to each loving progeny. “My darlings,” you whisper softly, “take your pocket knives, switchblades or shivs and cut your banana right down the center like you are gutting a deer. Fill the crevice where the banana guts used to be, with these chocolate chips and marsh mellows. Rewrap your banana in your foil. You what? You threw it where? OK. You can have one more piece. Pops got his lottery check today. No more do overs till you get a job. Foil is expensive and you are 32 years old.” As your hungry offspring fix their dessert, more fun comes to mind.

“Kind children”, you sing. “Are you all ready? Is your foil folded finely over the brown banana basking in candy and sugar coated suntan juice?”

“Yes” the angelic choir answers.

“Put your dessert in the microwave kind cherubs.” You smooch.

“Count to 50 everyone, before you hit start.”Do this as you run out the front door thinking of all the times you put up with poison ivy legs.

OOPs.

Maybe you should use the oven again, 350 for about 45 seconds, the bathtub campfire, or better yet a real backyard campfire.

Dream dreams and you’ll see miracles!

Copyright 2012 abundantoldsoul