How To Prepare An "Unkilled" Hamburger

Where's The Beef?

The recipe is at the bottom but I highly suggest you read the rest before attempting this culinary feat! This is NOT for the timid chef...

As I was sorting through my e-mail this morning, I received something from a friend about "unkilled" hamburger. That was the subject title, "Unkilled Hamburger." Now being the inquisitive frog that I am, I had to take a peek just based upon the subject. I may have brought you here with my headline. Sometimes journalism is like that. When I opened the mail I was a bit surprised to say the least.

Then I got a niggle in the frontal lobe. This might be an excellent Hub if done masterfully. So I gave it some more thought and sat back and looked again. My next dilemma, as I proceeded to this page, was what category did this fit into? It seemed to be a matter of flipping a coin. Was it a political, cooking, hunting, humor, satire or various other choices available to an author. I chose to classify it here like I did. I reckon they can spank me, if they care to, about it.

As I was wrestling with that concept, in the back of my mind I was trying to figure out just how I was going to get that dad gummed steer to hold still and jump in the frying pan without me having to kill it. What you ask? "What are you talking about FP?" might be the question that pops into your mind. Scratch your heads and keep on reading.

It seems that some wise sage out in San Francisco, of all places, wrote to a newspaper column and took it upon themselves to chastise hunters. In their infinite wisdom they said this:

"To all you hunters out there who choose to kill animals for food, shame on you: you ought to go to the store and buy the meat that was made there, where no animals were harmed."

You Taco Bell executives paying attention to this?

Now I'm not joshing. Someone actually penned that statement. The actual excerpt is shown above outlined in yellow and orange. So using that rationale, just trot off to the grocery store and approach the meat department and tell the butcher that you prefer your beef on the unkilled side so that no animal is harmed. Then see what kind of look you get! Don't be at all surprised if, after having said that, when the men in white coats show up with the butterfly nets to catch your dumb self.

As I was contemplating how to cook a hamburger that was unkilled meat (those steer have a tendency to get a little more than testy about this) , the political side of me took over again. Which begat a few questions. First was, "Isn't San Francisco in Pelosi's district?" Then it dawned on me how she keeps getting returned to office. Next was the frightening question of whether people like this are allowed to drive! Even more scary was the prospect that they can vote!

So here's the recipe:

1 Uncooked Head Of Beef And A Sizzling Skillet

1 Dash Of Complete Insanity And A Total Lack Of Common Sense

1 Set of Gonads That Would Make Hercules Proud

And At Least 1 Gold Medal In The Steer Wrestling Event

Have at it. But don't say I didn't warn you about the perils of eating an unkilled hamburger. Lets us all know how you got that critter to hold still, ya hear?

Now let us bow our heads in prayer...

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Comments 51 comments

cjv123 profile image

cjv123 5 years ago from Michigan

You know Frog - it's like Penn and Teller: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi3erdgVVTw

That newspaper article above that you show and this video pretty much sums up liberals. This video shows Penn and Teller who hired someone to go around some hippie fest and ended up getting signatures, hundreds of them - to ban WATER. The liberals one after the other, without asking any questions just listened to the speel, not knowing they were using a scientific name for water - and the description of the damage water could do. They just signed their name.

That about sums it all up! Great Hub!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Good Morning! Now that video shows how people can jump on the band wagon not knowing anything about the music being played. Good find and thanks for posting.

The Frog


The Frog Princess profile image

The Frog Princess 5 years ago from Florence area of the Great Pee Dee of South Carolina

Yes Frog I am running down to Harris Teeter and demand unkilled hamburger so I can make you a pot of chilli:) If HT says no then I guess Wally World will be my next stop and at Wally World I am sure I will have the meat man running wild looking on the hamburger shelves for unkilled meat. Just too funny.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Tf Princess - Now you got me to thinking here. Do you reckon I outta share my secret chili recipe with these folks? There might be a problem though since it is a state secret and I might have to kill em so it doesn't spread far and wide. LMBO

Please don't tell DHS iffin I do.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 5 years ago

Oh my, these people walk among us! This reminds me of the woman who insisted,on a talk radio show, that Obama personally gives his money to unemployed people and that we should open our borders and let anyone in who wants to come. She votes too! Voted up and funny...


Carpefriggingdiem 5 years ago

So we should go to the store and buy meat that "was made" when "no animals were harmed"???????

I used to think that passing a literacy test before being eligible to vote was a bad idea. I'm rethinking my position.


poorconservative1 profile image

poorconservative1 5 years ago

Now all you folks know as well as I do that this is typical leftism. This is what happens to some (of course not all) when they are taught by other typical leftists in our dumbed down school system. What surprises me is that the news paper actually printed it. Although most of them are leftists as well. How does that song go, leftists to the left of me and leftists to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with crap. Something like that.

Thanks

Chuck


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

pc1 - Sometimes we all get "stuck like Chuck," no pun intended. Did I just say that? LMAO


rkhyclak profile image

rkhyclak 5 years ago from Ohio

I'd probably laugh at this moron if it weren't so dang sad. It speaks volumes on the type of people who voted for the Pres.!


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

Frog Stu, great article and funny as hell it's a keeper! I know now what brains voted and obummed us out in 2008, Peace 50


partisan patriot 5 years ago

Voted up and funny Frog

The real problem is most Obama Supporters exercise this same form of logic; Stimulus 1,2 and 3 failed so the problem must be we haven't thrown enough money at the problem yet; the same logic can be used when explaining our failed educational system!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Let us give thanks that only about 20% of Americans identify themselves as liberals. Unfortunately, they also teach our kids and work for the mainstream media.

I've dealt with liberals on the political forums for years, and with only a few exceptions, they are angry, vicious dullards who think attacking their opponent is a great way to debate.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

50 Cal - I took a couple of snippets and tried to have fun with them, while at the same time getting the point across.

partisan patriot - Our education system is doing a wonderful job of dumbing down the next generations. We need to get the fed out of the state's business. That may help or it may not.

Will - You probably know the stats as well as I do. To compensate for the difference in percentages they turn up their megaphone volume and try to drown the majority out.

A good example was that Hub that a certain person wrote calling people out by name. Inappropriate behavior seems to be their way of debating in many instances.

The Frog


dallaswriter profile image

dallaswriter 5 years ago from North Carolina

This is great! Well done The Frog Prince! Voted up, useful and awesome! Going back to read more...


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

I understand, as well as hope the right thing gets done, be vewwy quiet I'm hunting idiots, ha! 50


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

50 Cal - Bag one for me iffin ya can!


Stu From VT 5 years ago

I hear in Japan you can order fish, and they serve it to you live flipping around on the plate. I wonder what would happen if you ordered steak...


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Oh my goodness! I have a postcard that says the same thing! I got it from Zazzle.Com. I buy a ton of funny post cards and keep them in case I have a friend in need of a laugh:) Too funny you made a hub out of it! Awesome!


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Housewife - Isn't it you that said you like red meat? Is that still on the hoof? LMAO


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Yep! I found this hilarious too!

I do love red meat - I know it's terrible! No! By the time the waiter brings it - it's off the hoof!

And you Frog - are off the hook:)! LOL!


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Whenever I order steak, I give the instruction "alive." Maybe I do like unkilled meat after all.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Housewife - As long aa people don't talk about serving frog legs, I'm just peachy!!!

Stu - Bring it out on the plate. When I stick a fork in it I wanna hear - MOOOO, MOOOO!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Its cool Frog - I'm totally not into frog legs! I know they are supposed to taste like chicken but I'm not a huge fan of chicken either. I like MEAT! Btw - Stu and Frog - I have another postcard you'd like. It goes like this:

MEAT iS MURDER - TASTY, TASTY MURDER!


Stu From VT 5 years ago

RH - I think you used a dangerous trigger word Echelon will catch. Expect a SWAT team visit from the jackboots at the FBI. You might be able to buy them off with some unkilled hamburgers.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Gulp! I hate when I do that!

But thanks for the tip Stu! I'm running put to the livestock sale to stock up on cows and bull! Lol!


Stu From VT 5 years ago

RH - The livestock sale will be great for the cows, but why not get the bull free from Capitol Hill? :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Oh good one Stu! Bam! You get bonus points for that one!


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Oh boy, maybe I'll use them to get some unkilled beef!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Rock on Stu:)! Nothing like a big juicy cow:) lol!


Ghost32 5 years ago

Okay, I'm still nodding my head at Will's description of most libs as "angry vicious dullards".....

50, I surely hope you're using a scattergun to hunt those idiots. Seems like a mere half inch hole in their heads wouldn't add much to the ventilation already in place.

We knew a fella (he's passed on) whose favorite meal was a gallon of milk and a couple of pounds of raw hamburger eaten right out of the (Safeway!) package. Peed on the floor in his mobile home a lot, too, but that's another story.

Maybe if he'd been able to locate still-kicking cattle for callous consumption, he'd still be around to stink up the carpet!

Voted Up and absolutely freaking Hilarious. Useful, too; you never know....


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Ghost - I reckon I'm a bit like you. A couple of scraps of information and off I go. I'm accused of not having a sense of humor. That's only by people who have never been around the "real" Frog.

Thanks for you votes of confidence.


dallaswriter profile image

dallaswriter 5 years ago from North Carolina

Well said:)


caltex profile image

caltex 5 years ago

LMHO!!! This is truly hilarious! Thanks for writing about it.

Poor thing! I just hope when they tell this person the truth, they break it to him/her gently.


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Caltex - Not sure about the communication strategy. I guess it depends on whether you like your SF moonbats killed or unkilled. Maybe we could have a group poll on it. :)


caltex profile image

caltex 5 years ago

Stu, I always try to be gentle with moonbats - a lot of them cannot handle the truth well. As to the poll, we better not do it around here. I think we're in moonbat territory. I'm afraid they might take us seriously. :)


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

clatex - Me thinks yer right! This one was fun to write though.


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Hi Caltex,

It seems like everything is becoming moonbat territory. Maybe I should create my own site for the poll, something like poll.sfmoonbatkilledorunkilled.com.


Brenda Durham 5 years ago

LOL

This is great, Frog Prince! Thanks for the laugh today!


caltex profile image

caltex 5 years ago

TFP - glad you had fun writing it. This is going to be a classic!

Stu - let's hope not. They are still way outnumbered, thank goodness!


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Caltex,

Yeah, libbies only make up 25% of the electorate, but they are very activist. I thank God for the TPM, because now we can be activist too.

Stu


Stu From VT 5 years ago

Caltex,

Sadly, progressives are not way outnumbered. Libbies are about 25% of the electorate, and the right wing 35%. Centrists make up the plurality at 40%. Getting the centrists is the key to changing the admin and Congress.

Stu


gr82bme profile image

gr82bme 5 years ago from USA

Frog, you never cease to amaze. Funny and voted up!

Real, you are very funny too!

Tina


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Gr82bme - I bet it is great to be you! I love YOUR sense of humor. Trickster:)!


SilverGenes 5 years ago

Hahahaha great recipe! This is one to pass down for generations. I'm certainly more comfortable with the raw version as it doesn't hurt the animal. As for liberals, I have no idea. I'm Canadian. We don't think for ourselves up here - we have government on many levels doing that for us while we pick seeds out of our teeth.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

SilverGenes - At least that gives new meaning to the term "Hay Seeds!" Keep on pickin, you'll get em! LOL


SilverGenes 5 years ago

Thanks, Frog Prince. We play pretty good banjo. ;)


Stu From VT 5 years ago

SilverGenes - Don't feel bad about not being able to think for yourself; that will soon be illegal here too (unless you make a campaign contribution to the Democratic National Committee and get an exemption).


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Frog, this is so good. I love this Hub. Being a vegetarian, I just had to stop by. And you made it into a worthwhile trip.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 5 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Why thank you my dear. I appreciate you too :)


angie ashbourne profile image

angie ashbourne 4 years ago

Hi! Frog Prince I enjoyed reading this Hub. Angie


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX Author

Angie - Thanks. It's one of my "older" ones and was fun to write too!

The Frog

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