How To Make THE Classic Martini Garnished with History, Legends, and Famous Quotes

The Classic Martini

bjdawes/flickr
bjdawes/flickr

The History of the Martini

 

The origin of the martini has been debated as fervently as the origin of man. While one is concerned with faith, science, God , and our very essence as human beings, the other is...well...it's only about the origin of man. One widely held belief is that the martini is descended from the Martinez cocktail, a sweeter drink consisting of two ounces sweet vermouth, one ounce Old Tom gin (a sweetened variant), one dash bitters, shaken with ice, strained, and served with a twist of lemon, and most likely invented in Martinez, California. Other evidence points to famous 19th century bartender Jerry Thomas, who dazzled patrons and then swept them up at the Occidental Hotel in San Francisco.

Two ounces sweet vermouth? Does that sound like a lot to you? Yes it is, but the reason is as simple as it was necessary. Back in the late 1800's, when an establishment acquired a cask of gin, they got the raw stuff. This was not the gin we know today. They had to put other stuff in it just to make it drinkable, forget about palatable. And everybody knows, it's hard to get drunk if your gorge keeps rising and you're constantly running into the loo to call Ralph on the big, white phone.

Of All the Gin Joints In All the Towns...

As word of the martini spread, so did its popularity, but it was during Prohibition that the martini rose to cocktail icon status. So, thank you Prohibition. Back then, as today, do-gooders sticking their clean and righteous noses into the business of pagans totally belched back into their angelic, pious faces. They did not learn then. They will not learn today. The Whiskey production declined because it required too much aging and couldn't keep up with demand, whereas gin could be made in a bathtub, quickly, and rushed to the speakeasy's for the hep cats, flappers, musicians, gangsters, politicians, off-duty cops, on-duty cops, supervisors of cops, and your great grandmother. Hence, gin joints. The only person who wasn't there was Carrie Nation, standing top side with her club and wondering where the party went.

Nobody said it was good gin. In fact, it was bad. Really bad. It had to be mixed with stuff. We're not talking about drinkable or palatable here. We're talking about not dying. It could make you go blind (unlike that self-abuse thing, which cannot make you go blind, and is another example of the holier-than-thous trying to keep the little pagans from having any fun).

Eventually, with government intervention and improved standards, alcohol became less harsh and safer. The basic recipe for a martini evolved with the improved booze to what is now considered the classic martini, but the 60's saw another major ingredient change, when vodka began to replace gin as the main ingredient. What caused this change? Two words: Bond....James Bond.

Bond. James Bond

Montage of Bond Ordering the Vesper

Shaken, Not Stirred

When James Bond spoke the famous line "Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred," on the silver screen, fans everywhere said, "I'll have what he's having." That drink is called a Vesper, which Bond named in homage to the double-agent who got his heart in Casino Royale. Martini purists would cringe at the substitution of vodka and go ballistic at shaking the martini. A martini is supposed to be stirred, they maintain. These martini purists even have a special way you're supposed to stir the darned thing. Really. You don't just stick the spoon in there and stir away. Oh no. You gently insert the cocktail spoon, and lightly twirl it back and forth with your fingertips while lifting the spoon up and down for 30 seconds. I kid you not.

Furthermore, shaking the martini is wrong because it creates air bubbles which clouds the drink, it makes the ice release too much water, and it "bruises" the gin. I don't know what they think the ice and alcohol are going to do in there, but heaven forbid the booze should get bruised. So why would arguably the coolest fiction guy on the planet make these martini faux pas? I have a theory. If vodka is less potent than gin, and shaking it dilutes it even further, then it follows that Bond was insuring he would stay sober. He never knew when S.P.E.C.T.O.R. would try to annihilate the planet or some hot double-agent babe would want to see his Walther PPK. He had to be ready, willing, and able.

Hipsters Cocktail Shaker

Blinded By Science

There is scientific evidence that would seem to support my theory that Bond knew something we didn't. Professor J.R. Trevithick, Department of Biochemistry, University of Western Ontario (begin "Oh Canada" anthem here), posed this question: How can we blow some research grant money and party at the same time? Oh wait, that wasn't the question. The question was: "If moderate consumption of alcoholic drinks seems to reduce the risks of developing cardiovascular disease, stroke, and cataracts, perhaps through antioxidant actions of their alcohol, flavonoid, or polyphenol contents," and as James "Bond is not afflicted by cataracts or cardiovascular disease" and "'shaken, not stirred' routinely identifies the way the famous secret agent James Bond requires his martinis," does "the mode of preparing martinis [have an] influence on their antioxidant capacity?" God, I love science!

The report was published in British Medical Journal, 1999, December 18. The report talks a lot about aliquots being added into a luminescent assay, luminol bound to allumin, aqueous portions, phosphate buffered saline, Lumac biocounters, dimethl sulphoxide, folin reagents, catechin equivalents, and other stuff that really makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, but the basic answer was, yes, a shaken martini DOES have more antioxidants than a stirred martini. The report majestically concludes with this gem: "007's profound state of health may be due, at least in part, to compliant bartenders" (British Medical Journal). For a list of foods highest in antioxidants, including a list of the top 20, please go here.

Are These Martinis Wet or Dry

googalie/flickr
googalie/flickr
wickendon/flickr
wickendon/flickr
jazreel chan/flickr
jazreel chan/flickr

How Dry I Am

No essay on martinis would be complete without something about Vermouth. Originally, there was only Italian Red Sweet Vermouth. There was no such thing as a "dry" martini. When the French invented dry white vermouth, the "dry" martini followed, and simply meant to make the drink with the French vermouth, not the Italian Vermouth. Somehow, modern day imbibers have interpreted "dry" for less. The notion that adding less vermouth makes the martini drier is a fallacy. It makes it harsher is what it does.

The "drier equals less" myth was further enhanced by the rich, powerful and famous. For Winston Churchill, a martini consisted of pouring a glass full of cold gin while looking at a vermouth bottle, a drink now called a Churchill martini. Likewise, Alfred Hitchcock's recipe called for five parts gin and "a quick glance at a Vermouth bottle." I guess Hitchcock's martini was drier than Churchill's since he didn't look at the Vermouth as long. Drier still was General Patton, who suggested pointing the gin bottle in the general direction of Italy. Hemingway liked to order a "Montgomery", a martini mixed with 15 parts gin and only 1 part vermouth. Supposedly, Field Marshal Montgomery needed 15 to 1 odds before going into battle.

You can get your drink on in any manner you prefer, but these are not martini's. A martini is a cocktail and by its very definition, requires 2 or more primary ingredients. What these people want is a glass of cold gin, but if you call it a martini you don't sound so much like a lush. One more brief note on Vermouth: when your friend tells you he has created the "perfect martini, your drunken friend has once again spoken in error. A "perfect martini" is a specific kind of martini. The word perfect can be attached to any drink made with vermouth, a perfect Manhattan, for example, and simply means the required measure of vermouth is equally divided between sweet and dry vermouth.

Martinis of Color

The Italian Sausage Porktini
The Italian Sausage Porktini

Fancy Martinis and the End of Civilization

As mentioned above, I don't care how you get your drink on, but can we stop this nonsense please? You've got appletinis, peachtinis, peppertinis, pomegranittinis, aquavelvatinis, whip creamytinis, teenie weenie yellow polka dot bicinitinis, and who knows what other perversions have been concocted by over-zealous bartenders. A college student with a little too much time on his hands invented the porktini. No foolin'. He took 3 bottles of gin and infused them by adding meat to them and letting them sit for a week. He used spam, bacon, and Italian sausage. The spam made him spew, the bacon made him barf, but the sausage one? That's Italian! He liked it, he said, just as the men in the white coats dragged him away. See? This is getting dangerous. Drink these, if you must, but could you call them something else? A martini is a cocktail, not a pun.

VIDEO: How To Make a Martini

And Now...Ladies and Gentlemen...Without Further Ado...THE RECIPE!

By now, your thirst is sufficient. Your purpose, clear. You want to make a classic martini. Made like it's supposed to be made. Savored as it's supposed to be savored. Get out your olives or your lemon peel. Go ahead...put a juniper exclamation point on your day, and remember, inside every martini resides the comfortable embrace of history and the passionate kiss of art.

Ingredients:

  • 2 1/2 oz gin

  • 1/2 oz dry vermouth

  • 1 green olive or lemon twist for garnish

  • orange or Angostura bitters (optional)

Preparation:

  1. Pour the ingredients into a mixing glass filled with ice cubes.

  2. Stir for 30 seconds.

  3. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

  4. Add a dash of Angostura or orange bitters, if desired.

  5. Garnish with the olive or lemon twist.

Martini Photo Gallery

cowfish/flickr
cowfish/flickr
intothelens4149
intothelens4149
merelyme/flickr
merelyme/flickr
mezzoblue/flickr
mezzoblue/flickr
mhjls
mhjls
willac/flickr
willac/flickr

Famous Gin and Drinking Quotes

"One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough." - James Thurber

"Happiness is...finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry." - Johnny Carson

"They all thought she was dead; but my father he kept ladling gin down her throat till she came to so sudden she bit the bowl off the spoon." - George Bernard Shaw, Pygmalion

"For gin, in cruel sober truth, supplies the fuel for flaming youth." - Noel Coward

"I'm not sure if ginseng is any better for you or me than a carrot, but just in case the Chinese are right, I grow it in my garden. I stick a root in a jug of gin and call it Old Duke's Gin and Ginseng," - James Duke, botanist

Sinatra: "Let me fix you a Martini that's pure magic." Martin: "It may not make life's problems disappear, but it'll certainly reduce their size." - Frank Sinatra/Dean Martin

"So, when he looked down into his martini, he was put into a trance by dancing myriads of winking eyes on the surface of his drink. The eyes were beads of lemon oil." - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (from Breakfast of Champions)

"The only green vegetables I get are Martini olives." - B.F. Pierce (M*A*S*H)

"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure." - Ambrose Bierce

"I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast." - W.C. Fields

"Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." - W.C. Fields

"You can no more keep a Martini in the refrigerator than you can keep a kiss there. The proper union of gin and vermouth is . . . one of the happiest marriages on earth, and one of the shortest lived." - Bernard DeVoto

"If the Lord hadn't intended us to have a three Martini lunch, then why do you suppose He put all those olive trees in the Holy Land?" - Former House Speaker Jim Wright

A DRINK WITH SOMETHING IN IT by Ogden Nash

There is something about a Martini, A tingle remarkably pleasant; A yellow, a mellow Martini; I wish I had one at present. There is something about a Martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It's not the vermouth--I think that perhaps it's the gin.

"Let's slip out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini." - Robert Benchley

"I should never have switched from scotch to martinis." - Humphrey Bogart's last words

"Work is the curse of the drinking class." - Oscar Wilde

At at a dinner party, Winston Churchill was enjoying a martini. Lady Astor said to him, "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink." Churchill replied, "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman

"Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman... Or a bad woman." - George Burns

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart

"I love to drink Martinis, Two at the very most, Three I'm under the table, Four I'm under the host" - Dorothy Parker

"Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either." - P.J. O'Rourke

"Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down." - Phyllis Diller

"The martini: the only American invention as perfect as the sonnet." - H..L. Mencken

"He knows just how I like my martini - full of alcohol." - Homer Simpson

"Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk." - Jack Handy

"Prohibition is better than no liquor at all." - Will Rogers

"I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it." - Raymond Chandler

"Once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." - W.C. Fields

"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle." - Henny Youngman

"I saw a notice that said "Drink Canada Dry" and I've just started." - Brendan Behan

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." - Martin Mull

"I am prepared to believe that a martini slightly impairs the palate, but think what it does for the soul." - Alec Waugh

"It's true love because if he said quit drinking martinis but I kept on drinking them and the next morning I couldn't get out of bed, he wouldn't tell me he told me." Judith Viorst

"If it wasn't for the olives in his martinis he'd starve to death." - Milton Berle

"Egad! Someone's put juice in my gin!" - W.C. Fields

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Comments 73 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

LOL! You had way too much fun with this hub and I loved the Ogden Nash poem! My grandmother made bathtub gin (I think I referred to that in a hub somewhere) for the police department. Unfortunately, I've always thought they sounded so good...but I can't drink them. I tried once...and my fellow bartenders rolled me across the threshold of my front door and left me there to regain consciousness.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hey, Spryte. Thanks for stopping by. Would you like a bananatini? Fun? Sometimes. I've never tried the "home made" stuff, either bathtub or moonshine, but I've seen enough documentaries to be afraid...very, very afraid.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Wonderful and amusing Hub Christoph, I so loved all the quotes, never have tried Martini though, and sounds like a good thing from what Spryte just said!


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

I am mad about martinis, but I seldom drink them. Dorothy Parker actually wrote that little rhyme about me (ahem), and that's why.

But I love to make them. I'm a shaker, vodka and ice only, please, and the dry vermouth comes out of a cute little spray bottle. One quick "pfsssst* in the bottom of the iced glass and that's it. And I take my martini glasses seriously, only high-end crystal. Olives only, unless you really whine for a delicately spiral cut lemon peel.

There's just such a romance to this drink.

Fabulous Hub, Christoph!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty: Thanks for the comment! You should try one sometime. I actually like what's referred to as a "dirty" martini, where you add a little of the olive liquid to the drink. Thanks again.

Sally (or should I call you Dorothy?) I like the shaker, too. I didn't buy a cool cocktail shaker just to look at it! I wan't to use it. I also have done the "swirl the vermouth in the glass and then throw it out" thing. I prefer olives also, three of them - because I like olives - and I have a few different nice martini glasses and select one depending on my mood. Do I wan't the fancy one that looks like art or the standard, basic, martini glass?

I agree about the romance, and for me it's the history in literature and film. Say...I just thought of my own famous quote, which I think I'll go back and put in.

Thanks for writing.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Oh! Homemade stuff? Well...I saw what the everclear in college was doing to my friends and steered away from it. I was referring to regular gin. :) I've developed a low level tolerance for tequila, rum and vodka...but I've never mastered things like gin or whiskey.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

The garnishings on your classic martini were wonderful!  Thanks for the fun and colorful hub.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty: I stand erected...er...corrected. I thought you were referring to your grandmothers bathtub gin. Yes, gin and scotch are different beasts. Always in moderation, take it from me.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Dottie: Thanks for your kind comment. I'm glad you liked the "garnishings" too.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

*carefully takes away your martini*

I think you've had enough. When you start mistaking a fairy with wings for somebody Misty...it's time to just say no. :) Not that I mind being confused with her...I consider that a compliment.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh! So sorry about that. A simple mistake, now, can I have my martini back please! They are both 5 letters and share as "s" and a "y" and a "t" and...hey....wait...that's three letters, minus 2 letters, equals 1...OMG, you are one! I must say, I liked it better when I thought you were two separate people. You keep the martini. I'll make a new one.


Bob Stein 8 years ago

I didn't know what to expect. This was a good article. I learded a lot.


pgrundy 8 years ago

Mmmm, martoonis! I like the idea of cocktails. I can't actually DRINK them, but I really like the glamour and history that goes with cocktails. I used to really like gin & tonics and also Black Russians. Martinis are an acquired taste I guess. Not my favorite, but definitely the most glamourous drink! Thanks for an entertaining hub!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

*blinks at Christoph*

Fine...but I wouldn't try to take a sobriety test or anything. Especially if you think "spryte" is 5 letters...


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

LOL spryte, I'm glad you cleared that up!  I was scratching my head above when counting the letters in spryte and just couldn't come up with 5! 


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Heheh Dottie - I can't figure out his math though with the 3 and the 2 and the one...can you? If we go back to his uh...interesting math theory that would be three letters minus three letters which equals nothing...

Should I be offended?


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

Spryte - Christoph said "it's just a simple mistake"  I think it's just his way of trying to figure out how he made the mistake.  The funny part is he thinks he got it figured out by doing the math.  I tried doing his math but it's just too advanced for me. Sorry!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Ummmm, really confused now as maths never was my strong point, but sure am glad I am not on the martini if that is the effect it has on Christoph, having said that, quick, before you return it to Christoph give me a sip Spryte, (slides down the couch after trying it) :)


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Loved the second sentence, about the origins of the martini and the origins of man - funny, as was, teenie weenie yellow polka dot bicinitinis! You have a terrific writing voice.

I don't like martinis, but my son is a martini drinker. It's nice to know that he's getting lots of antioxidants. He's a vodka man, though - no 'panty remover' for my boy. He also uses a shaker that I bought him just for the purpose of shaking his martinis. Hey, if it's good enough for James Bond...

Before I moved at the end of January this year, I lived a few minutes down the road from The University of Western Ontario. Great place, but they could have saved a lot of money by just asking the UWO students how good booze is for you. I've seen many a student doing their own experimenting.

As I said, great hub!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Misty...seeing as how you and are one in Christoph's eyes...perhaps we need a new name...something easy for him to remember.

*scratches my head thoughtfully*

M...I...P...R...E...

Those are the letters we don't have in common....

...unscramble them...and we get...

Prime?

It's better than the letters we do have in common which spell "sty."


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Bob Stein:  Thanks for stopping by and your nice comment.

pgrundy: I agree. The history is really facinating, and I think that is why they are popular (or a large part of it). Everyone associates them with the movies and those glamorous hollywood years! Thanks for taking the time to offer your observations.

Dottie, Spryte (6 LETTERS!!!), and Mistyhorizon2003: Geez. I'm under a lot of stress lately. I knew I should have double checked that spelling. Can we forget the whole thing and start over? Oh, and Dottie, thank you for coming by for the sole purpose of joining in the fun, since there doesn't seem to be any other reason. Please, all of you go to all my other hubs and make fun of me - I could use the traffic and getting kicked ceased to hurt a long time ago. I hold a special place in my heart for all of you, so don't pay any attention to what you read in the papers.

Shirley: Thanks so much for your kind comments. You mention two of my favorite parts of the story. Actually, I have probably mislead regarding the study in Ontario. It was two teachers and some students. I doubt they used any grant money, and the story made national news at the time, probably more publicity than the University had ever received before. I'll bet they were pleased.

Thanks so much, again. It's always great to hear from you!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

But we like it here!! There's a bar! :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

You have a way of making me laugh. Ok, you may stay. What'll you have? Care to dance?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Oh...I dance like an epileptic white person...it isn't pretty. How about hmm...do you have coffee?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

We'll just say it's a new dance called the Herky Querky Jerk. I've got coffee, expresso, cappuccino, hot tea, iced tea, decaffinated tea, a variety of herbal teas, diet Coke, diet Orange drink, non-alchoholic beer, cranberry juice, and milk. Oddly, there's no booze.


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

FUN, did you say, FUN?

BTW, I will not be shovelling your driveway this winter, sorry to spoil your fun!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Well! I never! Have I offended thee? All in fun you know?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Dottie shovels your driveway?????

Ummm...so many good choices for beverages. I'll start with a vanilla cappucino please! Perhaps if I cut down on my caffeine intake though I wouldn't be so herky?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Spryte: Apparantly Dottie does NOT shovel my driveway. She must be mad at me. Can Do on the vanilla cappucino, starting with the finest espresso beans retrieved from my freezer, where I keep them for freshness.

As for your herkiness, I wouldn't change a thing. That is your signature move.


summer10 profile image

summer10 8 years ago from my happy place :)

Who woulda thunk the martini would be this facinating? excellent quotes, I especially love that olives are needed to ward off starvation :) Umm, btw, what does Hubmobs refer to? ::clueless::


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

If I had known you were going to nominate me to the Hall of Fame... well maybe I would have shovelled your driveway!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Summer10: Thanks so much for your kind words! Did you change your avatar?

A Hubmob - explained briefly - happens like this: Ryan posts a topic in the Forums section/Hubbers hangout every Sunday evening. Then, any hubbers interested in participating write a hub that relates to that topic. This weeks topic was "How to" anything. You will find the original posting of the topic in the Forum section here:

http://hubpages.com/forum/topic/7989

At the same time, Ryan posts the topic in the Request section. Then when you have written your hub, you publish your hub by starting out in the Request section, and clicking on "Answer This Question", and then publish your hub as you normally would. By clicking on "Answer This Request" first, you link your hub with all the other hubs being written on the topic. You can see this page and all the hubs here:

http://hubpages.com/request/7213/best

Also, when laying out your hub, include a rss capsule at the bottom, and put the above link in it, but with a "?rss" at the end, so that it looks like this:

http://hubpages.com/request/7213/best?rss

That's where all those articles listed at the bottom of this one come from. The hubs listed alternate with all the other hubs written on the topic. The idea is that by all of us linking our hubs on the same topic, we create a force that the search engines recognize which thereby raises everybody's individual hubs to higher rankings in the search engines. You will learn more by checking the links I have listed for you so check it out. Oh, yeah. You can also get the hubmob signs at the top link. Just copy them to your desktop the same way you would any picture.

Thanks again for stopping by. I hope my advice helps. It was a pleasure.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Dottie: Oh, you're still being nominated, just without the special citation for shoveling snow. Thanks!


summer10 profile image

summer10 8 years ago from my happy place :)

Ahhhhhhhhh Christoph, you are more than just a gallant charmer, you have the heart of a teacher.... Thank you for your detailed explanation, I sincerely appreciate the lesson :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Summer: You call me a gallant charmer! You have charmed me, i am sure. My pleasure to help you in any way I can.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Damn dude, you are such a fantastic writer.  I just laughed for twenty minutes reading through this.  Seriously, thank you for 33% of an hour of just flat out funny shit.  I clicked on this hub thinking, "Ok, how to make a martini, Christoph was just participating in the mob on this one, but I'll go have a look."  I should have known never to doubt.  F- this was funny.  I can't even pick which part to comment on.  So I'll just hoist my glass and tell you you can never go wrong quoting Churchill or Oscar Wilde.... and thanks for the rest.  U rule and I remain faithfully a fan.


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 8 years ago from Florida

This was a great hub to read on my first night back online!! Made me smile, and made all that stress from moving go away...at least for a little while! Plus, all the comments were amusing to read!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shadesbreath: Thanks so much again for thinking I'm funny and telling me so. It means a lot coming from you but I've probably said that before. The Churchill quote is my favorite, and has been one of my favorite quotes for a long time, martinis and drinking aside. Its great that you consider yourself my fan, because I am definitely your biggest fan. I'm slowly working my way through all your stuff, and its all equally fine! Thanks.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Oh, Shade, one more thing. I don't always leave a comment on your stuff, I guess I should, but I'm afraid I'll look like that person on a cruise ship where you show them a kindness once, and then they follow you around the whole cruise.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Anna Marie Bowman: I so glad I helped to relieve your stress for a short period of time. It is always great to hear from you, as you know I'm a fan of yours so its great to get the kind words from you, which you are very generous with. Thanks so much!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

No man, don't sweat it.  Honestly, I drink heavily and am just enough of an arrogant prick to fancy in my rare moments that you and I and a very small handful of others might, just maybe, represent the seedling of some new literary "school."

Of course I wake up in the morning and go, "Whoa, wtf... that wasn't gay was it?"  But, I will confess to having the moments.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

That's a totally cool thought. I was just laughing my ass off watching part 2 of the Warner Bros. story on American Master which the local PBS station is airing right now. They were just covering our cartoon friends, including "What's Opera, Doc". I'm sure you remember Elmer's "Kill the Wabbit...Kill the Wabbit". What a pleasure to see that unexpectedly at this time of night.

I like that "seedling of a new literary school" stuff. Now you got my arrogance fired up.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Expletive deleted.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Hi Christoph,

A wonderful, funny hub!  This brought to mind the many house parties my parents held every year.  We had a bar in the basement, the rage in the 60s, and my best friend, Sally's Trove, often was spending the weekend with me.  I remember the women seemed to enjoy a martini, I can still see them delicately holding their glass and taking lady-like sips. A martini must have been quite popular.  It inspired Sally to draw a picture of a martini.  About a month or so ago, I was going through some things and stumbled upon the picture.  It was still in its frame and just a bit dusty, after all, it was made many many moons ago.  On a visit to Sally's I brought the picture and presented her with it.  We shared a laugh about it as it brought back fond memories.

Off the martini topic, I remember when I was a senior in high school and was going on our senior trip to Washington, D.C.  I do not recall how this came about, however, my grandmother made dandelion wine, which she then put into a thoroughly boiled bubble bath bottle, which I took with me on the trip.  Naughty grandma!   So, actually, here's an idea.  How about whipping up dandeliontinis?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Not intending to be really thick or anything like that, but if I want to write on a Hubmob topic, do I write my Hub first as in the normal way, i.e. click on the "start a new hub" icon in the "My Account" section? Also, do I click on the "Publish Now" icon after I have written it, or do I have to wait until I go to the "Answer this Question" section of the forum. Also a bit confused about the difference between the "Answer this Question" and the "Answer this Request" icons is. Any chance you can give me the idiotproof version of how to join in a Hubmob topic with a breakdown of each stage of the process. Cheers and sorry for being a dumbass :)


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 8 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

Christoph, you did such a great job outlining some of the steps of HubMobbing, that I put in a Request for the whole nine yards.  There is no comprehensive documentation here covering what HubMob is, why you should get involved, and how you can do it (in detail).  From what I saw above, you are the ideal person to write this Hub, although, since the project belongs to the HubPages team, I really think they should write it. 

HubPages, if this information is already consolidated, then please show us where.

Here's the link to the Request I just made...

http://hubpages.com/request/7359/best?new

Misty, I have plenty of questions about HubMob, too, and Christoph shared info I knew nothing about, so you are not a dumbass.  Regarding where to start, you have to start at the HubMob Request and click *Answer This Request*.  If you start in the usual way, your Hub will never be linked to the HubMob Request (this *after-the-fact* feature has been asked for in the Forums, but I don't think it's been implemented).

Cheers!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Trish: I have similar memories of those parties in the 60's. I remember my parents had a rather garish, glass cocktail shaker which the got at the Kentucky Derby. I wish I had that shaker today for my collection.

That's so cool about finding the martini picture and all the memories and laughs it generated. As for the Elderberry martini, I'll leave that to you. Thanks for stopping by and your comments, Trish, I appreciate it.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty, I think Sally clarified your question, but I'll put in my two cents anyway: When you first want to publish your hub, Go to the request section, find the request for that week, and click on Answer This Request. That is the only thing that's different. Everything else will be and look exactly the same.

Sally: Thanks for thinking of me to answer the request, but I agree that someone who understands it more than I do should write it. The extent of what I know is written above. The first one I did I failed to begin by clicking on "Answer This Request", and instead published in the normal way. I was out of the loop (Not part of the rss feed) and was unable to correct it.

Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your vote of confidence.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Thanks both Christoph and Sally, I shall give it a go next time I think I can write on the topic provided. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

You are welcome!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Hi Christoph,

I'm afraid the recipe for the wine my grandmother made is long gone.  It was never actually written down, or, if it was, I was not aware of it.  I'm sure there are a lot of recipes out there but I'm not about to make it.  It just wouldn't be the same :)

I too, wish I had some of the wonderful things my parents kept in their bar, especially the glass stirrers and ashtrays with liquor ads on them.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

Not only would those vintage retro things be cool to have, they are probably worth a little moolah.


BizzyMuse profile image

BizzyMuse 8 years ago from Southern California

Love this Hub...the perfect read after overindulging in all the government bailout news. Martinis scream sexy, classy, and fun! I think I'll go turn on some Sinatra and stir one up. Cheers!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis Author

A most excellent choice of music for a martini, Bizzy. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a nice comment. I don't know you so, hello, and I will make a point of reading your stuff and learning more about you. I shall toast you! Cheers!


laflat7 profile image

laflat7 7 years ago from localhost

thanks nice hub. i am going to try James Bond method tonight :) but frankly speaking i prefer pure vodka :D


Leslie 7 years ago

Fascinating essay! I really enjoyed it, and now I know all about the martini =]


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Leslie: What a pleasant surprise to see you here. Followed your link back and there you were! Very nice of you to drop in and leave a comment. Glad you liked it and took the time to read it. Thank you so much!


rockinjoe profile image

rockinjoe 7 years ago from Standing right behind you!

That's more martini info than one man deserves to know. I haven't had many martinis in my life as I'm a bit of a lightweight, but vodka is my preference over gin. Thanks for the education.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Rockinjoe: It was never my favorite. I liked vodka on the rocks with a splash. Thanks for stopping by.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

I don't like "real" martinis, but I love to eat the olives if you'll share! I'd link this in my martini's gone wild hub, but you kinda slammed the girly ones didn't you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi, Randy. Yes, I did kind of slam the girlie ones, gut really my only objection is to calling them martinis. Call them something else and all is right with the world.

I would be delighted to share my olives, and will put a couple on my olive pick just for you. I am not such a purist as I have led you to believe. Thanks


girly_girl09 profile image

girly_girl09 7 years ago from United States

This is probably one of my favorite articles on here. I am such a huge martini fan. Very awesome. Thanks for writing this!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thank you, girly_girl. I appreciate your comment!


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Only you could have done this Christoph! You need a song to go with this - how about one that begins: Take me to Martini heaven? And what do you know - a bit of Bogart and Ogden Nash stirred in too!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Shalini: Thanks. I appreciate the comment.


Ziggy12345 6 years ago

Here is my own receipe for martini.

Freeze a glass in the freezer along with a bottle of gin. Place the glass on the table an pour 8 oz of vermouth in a separate glass. Have 8 oz of liquid nitrogen in a flask ready. Drop a marble stone suspended on a gold chain into the liquid nitrogen and leave for 30 seconds. Remove and dunk into the vermouth and leave for 15 seconds. remove and place in the frozen glass. Pour 5.5 cl of gin over the stone and leave for 15 seconds. Remove the stone and place an olive in the glass. Serve


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ziggy12345: And all this time I've been wondering what I was going to do with that tank of liquid nitrogen I have in the basement. Thanks for the comment!

Actually, it sounds great!


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

A Votre Sante, Christopher!

Loved the quotes and history of the drink. As for the guy who wants you dead on Hub pages, I just banned him for having a Martini for the next 10 years, so next time he will know better than to get drunk before writing a hub


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Et à votre santé, cher Petra, Thank you for the comment. Yes, Rockin Joe is a great guy, but really, wanting to see me dead in inexcusable. You were right to ban him from enjoying a martini for 10 years. Thank you for your support in this difficult matter.


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 5 years ago from Florida

I love this hub! The humor, the history, the humor, the quotes, the humor, the pictures, the humor, the recipe, the great sarcasm about fancy vodka martinis.

I love gin martinis so much that I won't allow myself to drink them very often.

BTW, you used to comment on my hubs. I am missing you!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 5 years ago from St. Louis Author

I haven't been able to keep up cause I'm so busy. I'll be back around soon. Thanks for the comment! It's always nice to hear from you, and to read your work.


Fay Paxton 5 years ago

What a fabulous hub!! I'm a martini snob...hold the peaches and apples and all that jazz...I want a REAL martini. Thanks for the history lesson. Now I'm thirsty.

voted up and useful.


liladybugz26 profile image

liladybugz26 19 months ago from Suburb of Minneapolis, MN

This is absolutely a brilliant piece of work. Thank you so much for engaging me in this well-written masterpiece!

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