Interview with the First Lady

You already know that my ingenious supernatural helmet allows me to speak with the dearly departed wherever they are. But now my ability to interview celebrities, dead or alive, has been enhanced.

Courtesy of my brand new one-of-a-kind iPhone, model #666, I can receive phone calls at all hours of the day or night from said subjects wanting to talk about themselves. And you know I am always willing to listen.

Here is my most recent phone call recorded verbatim:

[My phone rings]

me – Hello, who’s calling, please?

Voice – This is the First Lady.

me – [astonished] The First Lady? What a pleasant surprise! I am honored and delighted to hear from you. How are you, ma’am?

First Lady – Just fine, thank you for asking. I would like to get your marketing advice about something very close to my heart.

me – Which is . . .

First Lady – Healthy foods and healthy eating. How can I reach more people everywhere with my message?

me – My first thought would be to personalize it as much as possible with your own experience.

I am aware of your interest in teaching children healthy eating habits. Has this always been a priority for you?

First Lady – Yes, I began early on with my own children and, as a result, I have cultivated a large, lovely garden of my own.

me – That is important for people to know. I’m certain that the produce you produce is organic.

First Lady – Organic?

me – You know, no foreign substances, no pesticides, etc.

First Lady – Pesticides?

me – [confused] What do you grow in your garden?

First Lady – Oh, the usual – tomatoes, lettuce, rutabaga, corn, potatoes, onions, rabbits …

me – [interrupting] Rabbits?

First Lady – Yes, my garden is overrun with those wild little rapacious animals.

me –I know, those troublesome members of Congress pop up where you least expect them. [laughing]

First Lady – Congress?

me – Sorry. Just injecting a little humor. Very little, it seems.

Incidentally, I would like to commend you for your exquisite taste in clothes.

First Lady – So happy you noticed. It’s true that I used to just throw on any old thing that was handy, but my taste in clothing has evolved considerably.

me – You could call yourself a queen of couture.

First Lady – Couture?

me – [changing subject] Do you have a favorite hobby?

First Lady – Cooking is my passion. I’m into pie baking these days: cherry pie, pumpkin pie, rutabaga pie …

me – Does your hubby enjoy the pies you make for him?

First Lady – If it doesn’t move, First Guy – that’s my pet name for hubby – will eat it!

me – You mentioned the vegetables you grow in your garden. Do you also grow any fruit in that lovely garden of yours?

First Lady – There is a magnificent, gigantic tree in the center of my garden which has some beautiful fruit that I intend to pick one day. I am not certain if the fruit is apples or pomegranates.

me – Does your husband have a favorite fruit?

First Lady –First Guy will eat anything that doesn’t eat him first. But he does have a fondness for apples.

me – Perhaps you could pick some delicious apples off that tree you mentioned and surprise him with a homemade apple pie?

And then make that personal experience a part of your “healthy eating” marketing message.

First Lady – What an amazing idea! Thank you. I’m going to run out to the garden right now and pick some apples off our tree. I’ll call you later and let you know …

me – [interrupting] Wait a minute, Michelle.

First Lady – Excuse me. What did you say?

me – I said wait a minute. I have a funny feeling about this.

First Lady – No, I mean what did you call me? I am the First Lady.

me – I know. I do apologize. Please forgive my deplorable, unprofessional lack of courtesy by calling you Michelle.

First Lady – That’s what I meant! Don’t you realize you are speaking to THE First Lady?

me – Of course.

First Lady – Then you would know that my name is NOT Michelle! My name is Eve!

[Sound of phone being disconnected]

I guess I shouldn’t hold my breath waiting for her to call back for more marketing maxims.

And it might be wise for me to add ‘Caller ID’ to my phone number immediately – just to be on the safe side!

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. (aka drbj) 2014. All rights reserved.

Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So".