Is It OK to Hate Cooking?

Crushing garlic into your fingernails, squeezing lemon juice over your knuckles, pressing sticky dough between your palms, so very sensuous I'm sure.

With so many cookery shows blaring out of the telly, smiling chefs, saucy dishes, rich textures and evocative smells wafting from within the heart of the home. Oh tits, I'll just have to be frank about this and say, I just don'tlike cooking very much. When I'm hungry I'd sooner buy a Sausage roll that get out my pestle and mortar (to crush heavenly scented herbs.) There I've said it. HA!

Now don't get me wrong, I am perfectly able to cook. I can cook a mean lasagne (so I'm told) and my red onion tart is often a hit around the festive season, but for all I have pushed garlicy butter under the skin of a dead bird like the rest of you, I have not found the experience enjoyable at all.

Now the point of this article is not to excuse my attitude and boost sales of local takeaways. I accept that my position is not a strong one and laziness is perhaps the backbone of my argument. I do however have aspirations of knuckling down to culinary delights, cook book in one hand, spatula in the other smiling contenedly as I 'fold' in the egg white. Perhaps I could keep a scrap book of recipes of interest to dabble in when I have a spare few hours.

Do you know, I actually BOUGHT my son a birthday cake a few days ago, what a damned failure as a mother. I should have been selecting food colouring and whisking eggs in anticipation of the big day, but the shop cake had Thomas the Tank on, and to hell with whatever I could have created, it would not have had the same effect on my two year old as the blue tank engine with icing clouds.

Why I dislike cooking

• The speed at which many ingredients go off, It is depressing having to bin a bag of soggy beansprouts, or spinach, broccoli thats gone yellow or equivelent. So you're constantly buying a bit of this and a bit of that in preparation for the evening meal, but with what time? If you're anything like me, you don't have much of it (time)

• The mess during cooking and after you've all eaten. Once you're full, you don't want to look at leftovers and mucky dishes.

• The need for variety. You have to think about what you intend to cook in advance so as to ensure the family are meeting their nutritional needs sufficiently as well as enjoying their meals. (I long for the days of Oor Wullie and weekly mince and tatties)

Well I'll stop there. I've plently more reasons why I don't like cooking, but I have got it out of my system sufficiently enough not need to pursue this list any further.

Hooray! I feel refreshed...Anyone for chips?