Really Big Food | Giant Cheetos Invade America

Giant Cheetos

Who doesn't love over sized novelty food? It's both sustaining and a monument to the inexplicable and insane depths of the wastefulness which has consumed Western society ever since the damn 80's. (It's my theory that the 80's ruined the world as we know it. I'm happy to expound on this theory at tedious length to anyone who will listen. And provide me with a 10 gallon tub of irony flavored ice cream with extra sarcasm sprinkles.)

For years Cheetos have been making a tasty snack which would fit comfortably inside a toddler's mouth. Now they've released Giant Cheetos, Cheetos the size of small golf balls. Or large marshmallows.

The reason for the addition to the Cheetos family is unclear, and this (clearly ironic) statement from Frito Lay spokesperson, Ann Mukherjee sheds no light on the matter at all:

“People are looking for anything to break the negativity,” says Ann Mukherjee, marketing guru at Frito-Lay, which, at one point even considered — but junked the idea of — Cheetos the size of tennis balls.Frito-Lay hired cultural anthropologists who watched stressed workers fiddle with stuff on their desks — including stress balls. So why not Giant Cheetos, instead? “It’s a ball you can eat,” Mukherjee says.

I think. I think, that the message here is that people like to play with and eat balls.

Apparently the way to survive a recession is to make increasingly insane marketing decisions until people buy your products out of pity or morbid curiosity. (I'm not saying giant Cheetos will kill you necessarily, but I am saying that a big ball of aerated, flavored corn is bad news.) Especially if you follow the example that the advertisement sets and fire them into the waiting mouths (and possibly wind pipes) of your orange jumpsuit clad friends. (You know, the ones from maximum security, where the bad ass food consumers / murderers go.)


Note: Giant Cheetos should not be confused with this mutant puff Cheeto, which was fittingly actioned on Ebay

I'm not going to recommend that you actually eat these giant Cheetos any more than I'd recommend you drink a vat of toxic slime. That's not to say that a vat of toxic slime is the same as a giant Cheeto, but it is to say that I can't imagine either one of them being very good for you in the long run.

Giant carrots, that's where its really at.

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Comments 16 comments

AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I don't know if I could eat a gigantic Cheeto , but would certainly buy a bag just to check it out, sounds yummy to me. :)


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

That's precisely what they want! Then when every home has a bag of uneaten Cheetos sitting in the pantry, phase two will kick into action.


Triplet Mom profile image

Triplet Mom 7 years ago from West Coast

I am just not certain who would be interested in eating a giant golf ball of cheetos, sounds really weird. I did think it was cool that the made rice krispies a little bigger but there is such a thing as too big.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

I like the cheese doodles, you know, the hard, crunchy ones. Do you think they'll make giant ones of those, Hope?


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

I do not know the hidden ways of the junk food manufacturers Cristoph, but I think it's a fairly safe bet that in 50 years all foods will be giant. That's progress.


jim10 profile image

jim10 7 years ago from ma

Wow! Just recently it used to be popular to make your junk food small. (Mini oreos, baby goldfish, mini chips ahoy cookies). I guess the newest thing is BIG. I hope they adjusted the amount per serving on the back of the bag. These look pretty messy too.


Tracker Frost profile image

Tracker Frost 7 years ago from Wyoming

I bought a bag, my kids loved them!

You're wrong about the '80s...at least in the area of music!

All things being giant...hmm...well, I'm eating a manwich...and I wouldn't mind if it were a little larger... :D


Whikat 7 years ago

I have a dark confession to make. I Love cheetos and I have even passed this horrifying trait to my kids! We live in Wisconsin so it must be the cheese heads in us that makes us do these crazy things :-) I enjoyed your hub, I wonder if bigger will be better?


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

Bigger is always better, unless you're talking about a festering infection.


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

All in moderation Hope, all in moderation ;)


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

Hells no Mishsa, go big or go home ;)


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

I totally spelt your name wrong Misha.. pressing keys is hard.


Acacia 7 years ago

Can someone tell me where to find these in the NYC or Westchester area?


Jess 7 years ago

Acacia:

I found them in Duane Reade.


cosette 7 years ago

oh boy. i never eat Cheetos but i just have to try these. who knew?!


Putz Ballard profile image

Putz Ballard 6 years ago

I just happen to be a Cheeto junkie. Since the Cheeto company came with the jalepeno ones the regulars don't have the appeal they once did. Great hub

Robert Ballard

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