Swords and Umbrellas

Men are and always have been so funny to me. Maybe it is because I am a woman, maybe it’s because I am married or maybe it is just the man that I am married to.  My husband is the type of guy that when he gets something in his head he has to do it and he has to do it right then and there.  One time in particular the thing that he desired became an obsession something that he mentioned almost every chance he got. The one thing my husband wanted was a Highlander Sword.  

My husband’s birthday was coming up and he is one of those guys that always has a list a mile long of things that he wants.  His lists are always very specific because he is a bit of a picky person (but hey at least he does know). For this particular birthday my husband was coveting the Highlander Sword.  The Highlander was a show and movie based on the characters Duncan MacLeod (from the television series) and his clansman Connor MacLeod (from the films) who are both immortal and are hunted by immortals.  My husband is a fan of immortal beings, lucky for him there has been an onslaught of television shows and movies based on such beings.

Being a fan of the Highlander films and television shows my husband would watch the shows and the movie and one day ordered a catalogue that was being promoted during the television show.  When the catalogue came he immediately became attached to one of the Highlander swords (please don’t ask me which one because I could never pick it out in a line up).  Now I was never really into the show and did not know too much about it but had to say that the sword was very nice looking.  I was shocked by the price of the sword because I figured it was some sort of prop thing but no this was the real thing and incredibly expensive in my mind.  I mean it wasn’t like this sword was going to cook and clean for me; it was just going to sit up on the wall.  I am more of a practical shopper is it really something we need? I think not. What could my husband possibly want with a sword? What would he use the sword for? To me this purchase seemed rather silly and his responses to my questions were even crazier.  My husband wanted the sword to hang on the wall just because it was cool looking.  I, of course, refused to give in to his pleas.  We went back and forth for days about the sword coming to no clear decision.  I simply could not see the point and joked with him about how irresponsible he was and all the negative things that could happen to him with a sword in his possession.  He had a response for every concern that I had and I felt myself slowly losing an uphill battle. Until…

A few weeks later my husband and I went shopping for some household items, it was pouring down rain (of course it was we live in Seattle after all) so we quickly ran into the store.  My husband had his golf umbrella with him.  If you are not familiar with golf umbrellas they are about three times the normal size of regular umbrellas and are really great under most extreme conditions especially unexpected downpours.  As we entered the store and shook off the rain my husband started to fold up his umbrella. This is when all chaos broke out. The next few moments for me were in slow motion and will stay etched in my memory for many years to come.  As my husband was folding up this huge umbrella, there was a woman pulling a cart out in front of us.  As she was backing the cart out my husband was still moving forward with his umbrella sticking straight out.  It was too late for me to stop what was about to happen.  My husband unintentionally poked his umbrella in to the butt of the old lady in front of him.  The moment was incredibly awkward. My husband was completely apologetic and I was trying not to laugh while making sure that the old lady was not hurt. She was not happy at all and I understand completely why she wasn’t. It isn’t everyday that you get the end of an umbrella in your butt. Once we made sure everyone was going to make it and that no one was hurt.  I turned to my husband and said with an I-told-you-so smile, “And that is why you cannot have the Highlander Sword”.