10 Things You Should Not Say To A Pregnant Woman

When you first announce you are pregnant, you realize pretty early on that your identity is now "Pregnant" - forget that you had a name, forget that you have hobbies or interests. You are "Pregnant" and the growing belly that leads your body will make sure to be the conversation starter no matter where you go.

Some women love this - I enjoy it as well - though there is more to me than being pregnant, so perhaps this will remind people that there is more to talk about with pregnant women, than just the bun in the oven.

Having conversations with a pregnant woman is a little like walking the plank with pirates. You are never really sure when the hormones might kick in and you may be pushed over the side to be eaten by the fishes. Do yourself a favor and mind what you say.

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10. Are You Sure Its Not Twins

Look, pregnant women are self conscious about how they look. At least, I know THIS pregnant woman is. The last thing I want to hear is that I look like I might be having twins.

When I'm not.

Now, its true, family members might be asking me, just to tease because twins do run in the family and they think it might be funny to freak me out. At 30 weeks, that's getting a little old too, but mostly its strangers and co-workers who eyeball my belly and ask if I am sure there aren't twins in there.

No, I don't have twins or triplets or any sort of multiple and frankly, I am quite alright with that.

9. How Did This Happen?

Alright, so this one is not probably as common for straight women who are pregnant, because let's face it, its pretty obvious how it happened. However, for a woman like me, in a lesbian relationship, I understand the curiosity.

Still babies are made the same way whether a woman is straight, gay, or single. You learn in high school Health Class where babies come from. Egg meets sperm. Baby is conceived. That's how it happens. I find it odd that people even think to ask this question, its really kind of obvious isn't it?

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8. You Really Shouldn't Be Eating That

The lists of dos and don'ts during pregnant is a mile and a half long, well, it might be longer than that. I finally chucked my list because frankly all it does is contradict itself.

When you are pregnant, all eyes are on you and its pretty much a guarantee that you will get unwanted advice from everyone. Everyone suddenly decides that its their job to tell you how you should eat, what you should wear, the things you should be doing.

Don't ask her if she is actually going to eat that whole pizza or sandwich or ice cream. It just makes her feel like crap. No matter how playfully you may have intended it, the monster inside that pregnant woman, you know, the one running on pure hormones, is very likely to rip your face off and eat it for desert after said pizza, sandwich, or ice cream.

In the end, remember, that pregnant woman has a doctor and if the woman is a smart woman, she has already discussed with her doctor what she can and cannot eat or drink - so unless you are said doctor, its best to keep your comments and advice to yourself.

7. How Are You Feeling?

This seems like such an innocent question doesn't it? I mean really, we all just want to do anything we can to make a pregnant woman more comfortable and make sure they are feeling wonderful.

The problem with this question is it makes me feel like you are asking me a trick question.

If I say everything is fine, which usually, I am lying, then most people feel obligated to tell me about how horrible their own pregnancy was. It also makes me feel guilty when I am not lying and I really do feel fine - because then those women who were once pregnant and it was not so hot, give me that look like they think, I think, I'm better at being pregnant than they were.

If I say I'm feeling crappy - well then I just know you don't actually want to hear about the searing pain in my nether regions and my sore muscles when I walk. You don't actually want to hear about the bouts of constipation I am battling right now or the growing number of itchy stretch marks that have laid claim to my belly.

When you ask me how I'm feeling, I will probably opt for lying. It just makes me sound less like I'm complaining about being pregnant, because goodness knows you shouldn't complain about being pregnant.

6. Have You Gotten Everything Done?

In this economy, women are still having babies and they may not have the money to get everything they need for the nursery, the baby, the house, the car. Don't make her feel like crap by asking this question. Seriously.

Personally, I currently have seven bags of hand-me-down clothes (love hand-me-down clothes!) and a carseat. I am in no way ready for this kid to come sliding out and into the world. Being in my third trimester and nesting is totally settling in, however, I have nothing to do because I have nothing ready yet.

Partially this is due to the fact that I am procrastinator and partially because I have other things like bills and food and gas for the car that I have to worry about. It freaks me out to be reminded that I just don't have everything ready yet. Some women have the resources to be ready for their baby's arrival sooner than others, don't add more stress to the pregnant woman's growing plate.

5. My Labor was {Insert Comment Here}

Along with unsolicited advice on things you should and shouldn't do - pregnant women get a lot of labor and delivery stories that perhaps they just aren't ready to be hearing. Some are great and if you were lucky enough to have an easy birth, that's awesome. I still don't want to hear about it. I definitely don't want to hear about your birth horror stories.

In general, I have just wrapped my brain around the fact that I am going to be pushing a baby the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of well ... something much smaller than a watermelon. I don't need any mental pictures of your stories clouding my overworked and tired brain.

Every pregnancy is different and every labor and delivery is different for each woman. Tuck your stories in your back pocket and save them for swapping after I have had my little bundle of joy.

4. You Are Starting to Wobble

This one gets me every time. I know its cute and kinda funny to see me weeble and wobble down the hallways ... to other people. Its not so much cute or fun for me.

This goes back to the fact that pregnant women are self conscious about the way they look. While you might be saying this particular comment just to get a smile, what you will get from me is a muttered curse under my breath.

I am wobbling because the weight of this baby is heavy and I am carrying her pretty low. My muscles and my joints are so sore that instead of walking I am probably wishing I could sit down - except if I sit down then I have to get up at some point and that means more shooting pains in my calves or in the groin area.

I am not wobbling for your amusement.

3. Can I Touch It?

As in, can I touch your belly?

I was a culprit of this myself before I got pregnant, in fact, I was probably one of those annoying people who just copped a feel on a pregnant woman's belly without even asking. It is nice of you to ask, but unless you are super close to me, I am probably not going to want you to touch me.

If that pregnant woman is anything like me, they don't want to be touched. However, when you ask, it feels like an obligation to say yes, otherwise, you are just a hormonal cranky pregnant woman who spoils everyone else's fun. If the woman wants you to feel her tummy, she will tell you and if the baby isn't moving, well, there isn't much fun to be had anyway.

2. Get the Epidural!

Or in contrast, "I didn't have an epidural!"

Either of these comments are really just presumptuous. I feel like the way that a woman chooses to have her birth experience is a very personal one and people should not feel the need to comment one way or another. There are so many ways to have babies nowadays that you should not presume that the way you had your baby is the only right way to have one.

Women have been having babies for centuries and they have done it in all manners of speaking. I will personally be opting for an epidural, but if you tell me you didn't need one, you make me feel like a weak woman who can't have a baby right. If I wasn't having one and you did have one, it makes me feel like my way isn't right and I'm a freak.

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1. Do You Have Names Picked Out Yet?

Harmless question, right?

No, wrong. Its really not. Naming the baby growing inside of you can be difficult enough for the partners involved without adding the opinions of countless grandparents, co-workers, friends, and strangers.

What happens is, you tell the name you have finally settled on and then someone has something negative to say. "What about the nickname?" "That's so old fashioned." "Are you sure you don't want to rethink the initials?"

Then its back to the hell of baby naming drawing board. In the end, it's a question better left unasked.

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28 comments

Kotori profile image

Kotori 4 years ago from Chicagoland

Oh, my goodness! When will people stop with the twins question?! Just because my husband was a twin doesn't mean you get to ask if I'm having twins. Trust me, if I'm having twins, and you know me, you'll find out soon enough. And if you don't know me, quit being so nosy! This one is right up there with, "My, look how big you're getting!" Seriously?!


christaktak profile image

christaktak 4 years ago from London, UK

Wow, this is so unbelievably true!

As Im one of 4 boys, my dad has tought me very well on how to treat pregnant woman. Also, as my aunt has had 4 baby girls, Ive seen the mishaps and what can happen if you say the wrong thing!

Thanks! I know my mum hates the rubbish advice and the constant questions with no real meaning!

:)


Emma Harvey profile image

Emma Harvey 4 years ago from Berkshire, UK

Haha, yeah I can relate to this. Every labour and pregnancy is different - even in the same woman, so these sorts of comments are so annoying. I know that my next birth (whenever that happens!) will be so different to my last.

I can highly recommend the epidural though ;)


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 4 years ago from KC, MO Author

@Kotori - Thanks for commenting! I am so glad that I am not the only one annoyed by the twin question. And you bring up another one I had forgotten about! Thanks for reading, I sure do love new readers.


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 4 years ago from KC, MO Author

@christaktak - It sounds like you have been taught well by your father. Kudos to him! Thanks for reading and commenting. I am glad you enjoyed the hub. :)


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 4 years ago from KC, MO Author

@Emma Harvey - I am so glad that you can relate. I know that I am definitely getting the epidural! Thanks for the comments! :)


pmccray profile image

pmccray 4 years ago from Utah

#5 - Lord a mercy. I was 21 and pregnant, already scared to death, and suddenly I was a magnet for women, even those I didn't know, and their labor horror stories. I went into premature labor once probably due to panic.

This is invaluable advice for new moms. Thank you for sharing, voted up, marked useful, interesting.

Girl did I ever tell you I was in labor for . . . LOL just kidding!!


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 4 years ago from KC, MO Author

@pmccray - LOL, I am glad you found this hub invaluable. I definitely am a magnet for women I don't know! I am glad others share my woes. :)


ergenzinger profile image

ergenzinger 4 years ago from Raleigh, NC

I am deathly afraid of assuming a woman is pregnant when she is in fact just overweight. So much so that unless I hear from her own lips that she is expecting, I will not say anything about her being pregnant. Even if her water breaks in front of me, I prefer to act as though she just lost control of her bladder until she confirms the source of the puddle. :)


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 4 years ago from KC, MO Author

@ergenzinger - This is hilarious, incredibly smart, but definitely hilarious! Thanks for the comment :)


kelleyward 4 years ago

So funny!!! I remember all those things. Also people would say to me in the same day..."Have you gained any weight?" and then someone else would say...."Wow you're huge".


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 4 years ago from KC, MO Author

@kelleyward - Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I am so glad I am not the only one experiencing all these ridiculous comments :)


mathira profile image

mathira 4 years ago from chennai

Good hub and interesting too.


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 4 years ago from KC, MO Author

Thanks for your kind words Mathira.


M.Orteza 4 years ago

An office mate actually asked me how it happened. It was annoying. Of course I got busy with my husband.


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 3 years ago from KC, MO Author

@M.Orteza - As a lesbian mama, I got the same question! LOL


Kamelies 3 years ago

Awesome hub. Exactly how most of us experience pregnancy I guess. I just belong to the other group of pregnant women that gets the comment no way you're that far, but you're so little. Some women simply don't put on weight everywhere which doesn't mean the baby's little or we haven't got the same issues as other pregnant women.


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 3 years ago from KC, MO Author

@Kamelies, well said! I can imagine any of the comments about the shape of your bump can be disconcerting regardless which way it goes. :(


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

Hi, rgarnett,

Nice hub. Well-written. And humorous-but-very-true. Every point was spot-on. I have made "that" embarrassing mistake, thank God she was my friend, when was the blessed day, and then it hit her. "You think I am pregnant?" she snapped.

Then I had the overwhelming-urge to apologize until she was okay. Now we laugh about it.

Read your fan mail. I cordially-invite you to read one or two of my hubs and be one of my followers.

I would love it.

Kenneth/from northwest Alabma


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 2 years ago from KC, MO Author

@kenneth, Thanks! I will definitely check out your hubs! Thanks for your wonderful comments :)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 2 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

@ rgarnett,

You are very welcome. It was all the truth. Thank you for checking my hubs. And I want you to really be one of my followers. I would love that.

Your friend,

Kenneth


CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 22 months ago from Orlando Florida

This was a delightful read. Perhaps I was lucky to never be pregnant and thus avoided all of this. I adopted and people love to advise you on that. Luckily, unlike pregnancy, it is not obvious that I was going through the adoption process unless I told them. Voted up.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 22 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

@ rgarnett,

Hello. I was passing through and I looked over this wonderful hub again. Great work. Did you ever become my follower? Forgive me, but I do not remember. Thanks!


Tannai Hatembo profile image

Tannai Hatembo 22 months ago

Great article! I laughed so much. It's almost like a common instinct to say some of those things on your list. When you look at it from the eyes of a pregnant woman, I can see how easily irritated you could become.


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 21 months ago from KC, MO Author

@Catherine - Thanks so much for your time and comment! I appreciate the feedback!


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 21 months ago from KC, MO Author

@Kenneth - I appreciate your reading my hubs! Thanks for taking the time to comment! :)


rgarnett profile image

rgarnett 21 months ago from KC, MO Author

@Tannai - I appreciate your kind words! Thanks so much for the feedback on my hub!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 20 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

rgarnett . . .March 16, I never heard from you whether or not you became my follower. If you are, fantastic. If you are not, then take this as my humble invitation. You could be a great help to me.

Keep writing great stuff like this.

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