Dealing with internal inconsistencies in personality


Personality - the facets that makes an individual unique


Every individual has so many faces, and it is these facets of the personality that make a person interesting. That is what gives depth and colour to an otherwise monochrome kind of image, of which you get tired after sometime. I am intrigued and greatly interested as anyone would be, in a personality of such a nature. That is not what I want to talk about here; it is when the tones of these facets of personality are jarring and are not consistent with each other, that I am troubled. When you meet a person apparently helpful, mature, a person of integrity and knowledge, you are glad to make the acquaintance. As you get acquainted, you meet the different facets and facades, if you are perceptive enough. Dig a little down and there you unearth things that you would rather not see. You are overwhelmed with doubts. What do you do? Exercise caution, apply the brakes on further progress and let the tires screech. Yes, I want to talk about the internal inconsistencies of the personality of a person and intuition, a woman’s intuition in particular.


Inconsistency in personality - causing a dilemma - To trust or not to trust


Integrity and honesty are what make for trustworthiness. Most of us would find it difficult to trust a person who is wishy-washy. It is easy to be distrustful or to have nothing to do with such a person. No issues there – none at all. It is when you have to deal with a very agreeable, intellectual, suave and rather respectable person with whom you find it easy to relate to, but you intuitively feel something is wrong, that things become difficult. If you were an unsuspecting, trusting and simple person, you would have no doubts crossing your mind. Why would you doubt another human being who never did you any harm, but in fact, was rather helpful? But life is not always about easy decisions and choices; there are moments when it gets much too complicated.


To do or not to do - personality problems.


One such moment would be, when you find you have to deal with your own internal inconsistency. Internal inconsistencies are rather troubling to an individual who is aware of them, within himself or herself. It causes division within self; the self does not know which one side is the real self. It causes a wide variation in behaviour, sometimes to the extent of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but most often only just enough to cause the cracks to show up at times. The inconsistencies within are enough to cause the imbalance of the mental processes. They destroy not only the ability of the individual to function well, but also destroy the credibility of the individual in the society. It causes a sense of paranoia among those who live or interact with the individual. People are wary of everything that the person says or does.


Dealing with lying, manipulative and exploitative people


If you had to approach this lack of internal consistency from another perspective, you will see things differently. Imagine you had to live or interact with such a person. What would your thoughts be every moment of the day? Would you feel safe and secure or will you be wondering what that person will come up with next? You would be doubly wary if the other person was intellectual or extremely clever. You could be the victim of manipulation and some clever exploitation. Your mind is constantly trying to sort out and figure out what is a lie and what is the truth. What is truth? The classic question; truth means many things to many people. For some, truth has only two colors-black and white; for others, it has many shades. One man’s food or one man’s lie is another man’s misery.


Personality issues - handling pathological lying and manipulative behavior

Pathological lying, cheating and manipulation can be very unnerving and when you have to live with it everyday, you start to lose your balance. You don’t even know if the decisions that you make are yours or if they very cleverly manipulated by the other.  You wonder if the person has emotion or is totally devoid of emotions. You wonder if he/she is human any longer.  Their sense of personal integrity lost, they seem all stitched up and patched together, just barely holding up. Yet, they leave a trail of negative feelings, emotions and hurt in their path.


Understanding personality issues


I wonder how it would feel to switch sides once again. If I am a person with internal inconsistencies, I am constantly fighting against myself. Maybe I do things that I do not want to do, and then I am in conflict with my better self. The higher-self in me is being drowned by the baser-self and I am in pain. As time progresses, it may become a second nature to me and I may not feel anything at all. Maybe, I would just use any unsuspecting person, to get my needs met, or maybe, just maybe, make a slave of them for my pleasure. I dare not think further on those lines. It is too spine chilling and uncomfortable for me. I think I will let the person be and sort out his/her own problems. But I have a certain feeling of sadness wash over me; I wonder if I could help? Do you think such persons could be helped? Or would they accept help? I am left with so many questions.


Intuition in handling personality issues


Intuition, the intuition of a woman, is again a very intriguing subject. Intuition is a gift and you have to learn to use it effectively to become skillful. This skill is only developed as far as you will let it develop. You could make mistakes in judgment; it is a risk you have to take, to develop this skill. Being flexible and ready to accept your mistakes and learn from them is the key. My intuition tells me that when I meet with such people, move on. Do not stop or slow down; do not be in the vicinity. My training, experience and maturity tells me, watch and wait, see how it pans out. Shield yourself from danger; keep the distance. My womanly and rather humane approach, however, tells me, “Help, the person needs help”. Training teaches me that personal help will not be enough; they need solid professional help. I will take the middle path, I will respect and accept the person as he or she is, but will be on guard. I will not be judgmental or negative in my approach. I will let the person have a chance to prove themselves. Writing this has helped me to clarify my thought processes. Be more objective in my approach. What would you do? What do you think? I would like to hear from you …..

P.S. This hub is not meant to be read as a psychiatric classification of personality disorder or even a classic help guide for dealing with personality issues... the writer was trying to look at the issue from different perspectives to get a layman's view of the problem.


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Your comments may give a newer dimension to this discussion...so go on and write them ...... 11 comments

timorous profile image

timorous 5 years ago from Me to You

Hello sofs. Very interesting analysis of behavioural patterns. I very much agree with what you've said. I think we've all known someone such as you describe. They're often referred to as 'sociopaths', who come across as friendly, but whose main aim is to use you for their own gains. Nice going.


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago Author

Thanks Tim for that careful observation... as I have mentioned at the end of the article I did not want to label or have a very professional discussion on the subject. Yes we have all have come across such people in our lives,I would have been happy to know how you would deal with a person like that.. that would throw more light on that subject... maybe you still can... I do appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.


timorous profile image

timorous 5 years ago from Me to You

Well sofs, I think we need to be on our guard and be observant to behaviours that don't quite mesh. If your intuition or gut feeling tells you something is not quite right, tread carefully, or force the person to 'come clean', or just say no to any unreasonable requests.

Unfortunately, some people don't take the time to analyse the messages they're getting.


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago Author

Yeah, I get what you are saying.. pay attention to that inner voice and act on it... Thanks Tim. Thoughtful as always. I appreciate the fact that you came back, to let me know how you would handle something like this. Thanks and God bless!! :)


Website Examiner 5 years ago

Since you have asked, Sofs, here is my opinion. The world is full of problems, needy people. Some of those may also be attractive in some fashion. I'd say leave them be. The reason is that peace and harmony are paramount. Another reason is that, invariably, people who are unstable or unpredictable will continue to be so no matter your efforts to help them. The victories will be short-lived, and in most cases it is only a matter of time before the relationship will have to be discontinued, anyway. Good writing here!


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago Author

Well said WE. Great assessment there. I believe one needs to know where to draw the line and when to stop. I guess writing this was a means of brain storming for me.. and having a few people discuss the issue throws more light in my path. Thank you WE for sharing your thoughts, it is highly valued and appreciated by me.

Yes, I did take note of the good writing too.. thank you!!


sophia 5 years ago

thankyou we giving informations about this important topic.i appreciate it.


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago Author

Sophia, Glad that you came around to read. thank you for taking the time :)


reeltaulk 5 years ago

Interesting Hub, I have to disagree with you about facets to a personality. Personality has a meaning of its own but do we at times individually define it ourselves. According to what you have written monochrome image is also a "personality type" just one that may not be interesting. Although not interesting(in some cases) it is consistent, honest, loyal, understanding and if deserved one will find so much worthwhile from it. This kind of individual usually doesn't peak certain individuals interest because it's not suppose to. They neither deserve it and is suppose to see it as a bore. The average individual lives to be entertained, socialize and have fun with interesting people, but for some that is as far as it goes. They know the difference between a "personality" and an individual. Some people prefer those whose personality is "extra" as well as has "depth", but sometimes unfortunately this person as well as their personality comes with so much more. Some of which you've spoken of and when surfaced you find yourself either with a project, becoming a project of your own or at a place you never would have seen yourself. What makes a "bore a "bore" and it's opposing personality so different is consistency. The same reasons that make you gravitate towards this kind of personality is the same reasons they gravitate away from themselves. They have to lie, manipulate and do all of the above that gives them depth and allows them to" shine". And although they may seem to be appealing you have to blame who so ever they are appealing to, because they as well are also lacking and prefer these types for whatever reason. There is a term that I would like to end my comment with but I cant remember it, but I'm gathering that you get my drift....CiaO

Vonda G. Nelson


reeltaulk 5 years ago

btw in regards to understanding personality issues anything that is "next to nature" you've either designed it to be that way or you've exercised whatever "demon" accordingly. You may be fortunate to have someone in your life who is supportive and will help or if stubborn you will have to help yourself.

Vonda G. Nelson


sofs profile image

sofs 5 years ago Author

Reeltaulk, Glad that you have a different point of view but this is mine. I have neither attempted to define personality nor do I believe that monochrome personality is boring, that is how people perceive others. Being a mental health professional, I was presenting a dilemma, a reality most of us face when we deal with people who are inconsistent internally. I just threw up both sides of the argument having worked with such people and deciding you cannot do much for such people, unless there is even the slightest willingness on their side to change. I do appreciate your comment and suggestions. God Bless.

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