Dealing with the Sudden Death of a Partner

In February 2006 my boyfriend died in a car related accident. The cause was carbon monoxide poisoning and I came home from work that day to find him. My world stopped spinning very abruptly, needless to say.

Dealing with the sudden death of a partner, especially one in the prime of his/her life, is one of the most traumatic situations that life can throw at you. How can your heart comprehend what your mind is almost unable to grasp?

Grief and Saying Goodbye to Your Dreams

Dealing with grief is a very individual process. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross suggested that there are five stages to grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I don't think they happen in that order necessarily, or that everyone goes through every stage. I flip-flopped back and forth through different stages. In the beginning, when my family and friends were around me, the loss hadn't hit me yet, not really. I cried and cried but the worst was yet to come I would soon find. It wasn't until after all my family and friends went back to their normal routines that I really began to feel the loss and really began to comprehend that the person I thought I would share the rest of my life with was gone forever. No goodbye, no see you later. No more hugs or kisses or smiles or phone calls.

I also worked at the same company as my boyfriend to add to the complication of my grief. I used to drive to and from work with him everyday. The first time driving back to work alone was horrible. Being at work was horrible (most found it amazing that I was even able to stay working at the same company). Driving home alone was horrible. I cried driving to and from work. I cried at work. I cried at home. For months and months my world became a very dark place. I felt some people didn't understand, as if my dog just died and I should grieve for a little while and then carry on. But he was my life, and my life just died. My life was a pile of ashes that once used to be a very alive and vibrant person.

All the dreams and hopes and wishes I had died with him. My dream of marrying him, being a step-mother to his three girls - gone. I was having to start over when I didn't want to, but I had no choice. Everything reminded me of him. I'd hear a song on the radio, drive past a restaurant we once had dinner at, or find a movie on t.v. that we had watched together and the pain flooded me, suffocated me. There was so escape. It was unbearable - the loneliness, my loneliness for him was agonizing.

Ways to Deal with Your Grief

For me, I found it very therapeutic to keep a journal. In the first 6 months after his passing I filled four journals. When the pain began to creep in or I'd recall a memory that I had once forgotten I would write it in my journal. I wrote everything about him and our life together that I wanted to remember. My journal entries were written as letters to him. Happy, sad, funny, angry, it didn't matter. I was able to tell him how I felt and what he meant to me through my journals. Writing helped me to process my feelings and release me from them, slowly. It helped me to say goodbye to him from this life in my own way.

I also turned to God for help. I never was angry at God for taking him away from me. I didn't understand why it had to happen but I never turned away from God. In fact, I actually grew closer to God and became more spiritual. I found myself changing for the better and becoming a better person. Sometimes, I learned, it's only when you are in the depths of despair that the real personal transformations can occur. If everything is going great in your life then why would you need to change? Life's difficulties help you find meaning and show you what's important - if you let it. And if you drown your sorrows with drugs and alcohol you are only delaying the grief and prolonging the pain. You have to go through the pain, there is no way around it really.

Moving Forward

I am in a place in my life right now that I couldn't even fathom three years ago. I never thought I would find love again - or want to find love again - but it happened. If you give yourself the time and allow yourself to heal then the happiness will return to you. You will know when you are ready. I know it doesn't seem like it when you are going through the heaviest parts of grieving but time does heal those wounds.

I recently became engaged to a wonderful man and I couldn't be happier. I feel I am where I should be in my life. He understands what I've been through and listens to me and is supportive. I carry my memories with me and what I learned from the past and I have created new dreams and goals. Life is beautiful, even more beautiful than it ever was before. My eyes were opened and the veil lifted. I remember what is important in life - it surely isn't money or anything superficial. I owe this life lesson to Jack. In a weird way, his death gave me a renewed life and I am forever thankful.


Comments 66 comments

A M Lehrer profile image

A M Lehrer 5 years ago from Southern United States

That is beautiful. I am sorry for your loss but glad to hear you are healing and moving forward. I lost my husband 3 years ago and completely understand what you went through, how everyone returns to their life and you are left alone, returning to work, crying at work, then every little reminder of them - everywhere you go. Those who have never gone through that don't understand. I also filled many journals in a short amount of time. I love though that you turned to God, he is above all what has given me strength. I would be afraid to travel without. I too, feel that I have been given life through my husband's death. I do still hope to find love again. All the best too!


Marjatta profile image

Marjatta 5 years ago

Hi Jennifer. Awesome hub. You described what is happening to me after my beloved Shaun died last week. Sadly, my best friend lost his fiancée less than two months ago too, so we're both grieving together.

Yes, keeping a journal is what I instinctively started to do as well. Just writing letters to him ... it seems to allow me to experience the grief in little bits and pieces instead of all at once.

Take care and God bless.


makenzie 3 years ago

I lost my boyfriend 3 months ago. I completely understand exactly what you mean when you say you lost your life. My world was destroyed as well when I lost Christopher. He was my life. I miss him all day, everyday. Most days its hard to get out of bed let alone move on into start to rebuild my life. I feel like no one around me understands exactly how hard it is for me to have to deal with all that I am dealing with. I also write in a journal, I write to Christopher everyday. It makes me feel close to him and reminds me of all of our precious memories we have together. I love him and hope to one day see him again.


Jennifer Rebecca profile image

Jennifer Rebecca 3 years ago Author

Dear Makenzie,

I don't know if you will see this response or not but I wanted to let you know how truly sorry I am to hear about the passing of your boyfriend.

Three months is not a long time to process all that you are feeling. I want you to know that you are not alone and even though the people around you may not understand your grief it's a great thing you are doing to help yourself by seeking out support from others who have experienced a pain such as yours. Even if it's just a little blog such as mine. You are not alone. I pray that God helps you through this difficult journey. And please know your boyfriend is still with you, even though he is invisible to your human eyes and senses. He is with you always. If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to seek me out. Be kind to yourself, Makenzie, while you are in this delicate state. The sun will shine again, I promise you.


Kristen 3 years ago

My boyfriend passed away very suddenly last week, I am dying inside and have found a little bit of comfort reading your story. We shared a connection that I feel can never be broken or anyone can ever come close to again. We had many struggles through out relationship, Keith was paralyzed in a diving accident 2 years after we started dating, I have spent the last two years everyday by his side helping him on his goal to walk again and then last tuesday out of the clear blue sky Keith was taken from me, not able to achieve his goals in life, and every dream we had and every goal was taken too. I will never understand why someone so determined and full of life was cut so short at 23 years old.


Michelle 3 years ago

Thank you for writing this and sharing this. I recently lost my boyfriend to a hit-and-run bicycle accident less than 2 weeks ago and it has been devastating. I read your story and it is helping me through this time as I have never gone through the experience of losing a loved one before. I have been filling my time with creating a few memory books on iPhoto and due to his busy company, we actually wrote to each other through emails everyday (multiple times) - so I have these to read. It gives me hope that one day I will be able to move forward from this traumatizing experience. Thank you again Jennifer. All my best to you.


Tyanna Padilla. 2 years ago

I'm 15 and I just lost my boyfriend 5 months ago, from a bicycle accident, and I've been trying to push myself into trying to move on so soon because of how painful this all is. I always think I'll never be able to move on because that was my first love and we've been together for three years but this really have me hope. Young love I know, but it was so much more than that, that not many people can or ever will understand. But, my point is. This opened my eyes that time will heal me and that one day I can and will be able to love again. Things are getting harder with the holidays around, so I've been looking for comfort and inspiring words to help me stay positive and happy and to be able to remind myself that there's happiness in store for me somewhere.

Though I still have a long way to go, this really made me open my eyes for a second.

I'm also so so sorry for your loss.

I really seen a future with Bruno, but I guess it was just his time. I still have a hard time coming to cope with it, but I think that's healthy.

Again, thank you.


Kimberley 2 years ago

Such a true statement and really refreshing to hear how you felt with your loss.. I'm 25 I lost my world in 2010 6 weeks after are beautiful girl was born.. Dan was involved in a collision involving his friend on there way to work when the accident happened both lads died instant and at 7am that mon morn on 6th sept.. They had died I had heard of the news at around 10am.. I don't think if ever delt with the loss.. As I had a 6week old baby to look after my world honestly fell apart I cried nothing seemed worth living for till I realised my little girl hasn't got her daddy and jus her mum how ever much my pain hurt I felt more guilt and pain for her ripped me to bits.. It's bin 3 years now my little girls growing up so fast but I've always bin honest tell her daddy loves her and that he's in the sky she talks to the stars breaks my heart really don't no how to deal with the pain other than crying when she's at school I'm in a new relationship and I'm happy he's a brilliant guy and it's feels right how it did b4 my late bf died... I never wrote things I kept a box and always have picture on show for my little girl and mean the family time is a healer although my out look is u need time to help u cope it will always b hard but time jus makes it that Easyer to cope as each year comes stay strong xxx


KRISHNA 2 years ago

ON 4'th DECEMBER 2013 i lost my girl...my love in a bike accident i was driving....she was back of me and that accident happened....she is no more I miss her every single day what ever i do reminds me of her the fact that she is no more give me pain and suffering...she is the best thing which has ever happened to me..i cry at night's, can't sleep...i only think of her i don't no why god did this to her... she was every thing to me and always be i will love her till am alive..my love my life i miss u very much....


Nthabiseng Mokemane 2 years ago

I'm a 17 year old girl who lost her boyfriend 3 weeks ago. He was involved in a car accident. The car heavily collided with a speeding truck. He was in ICU for 9 days then he past on. I guess I'm happy that he is not in pain anymore and is not suffering anymore. I must say, the experience has brought me closer to God. I am not angry with God for taking him away from me. I guess I just ask myself why so early. My boyfriend was only 18.

I'm sorry for everyone's losses...


Kristi 2 years ago

I just lost gary 10 days ago. I am 33 he was 36. He went on a fishing trip with the guys and suffered a heart attack the first night gone. We have a 10 and a 3 yr old and I am 35 weeks pregnant. I'm fearful of my emotions to come. I fear fear if that makes sence. Glad I found this to read.


Nona 2 years ago

Thank you for this. I lost my boyfriend on April 14. He was 40. I was with him the morning before. He died during the night due to carbon monoxide poisoning. If I had not had a change in my work schedule I would have been with him. The loss of him was devastating. It was hard to return to work because that is where we met and he shopped there a couple times a day when I worked. I still struggle every day, but I know he would not want me to be so stressed. He always told me I was the strongest person he had ever met, but this has broke me down a lot. I have lost a brother, grandparents, an ex boyfriend and many friends, but this is the hardest thing I have ever been through. It has been a little more then a month and I am dealing with it fairly well. The only time I have huge break downs are at night when I am thinking of him. This story gives me hope. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and it is all a part of Gods plan. Even though it is so difficult, i learned what true love is and how to truly be happy. I was single b for 4 years prior to him and had no plans to date ever, but Justin showed me differently. I am happy for the time we had together, and I know I will find happiness again. My biggest lesson learned from him is to take chances. If I would not have given him my number I would have never had such a great experience with love. He is with me always, and I think he and God will let me know when it is time to date again. I will never deny someone into my life because of the fear of being hurt, you may miss out on the best thing for you.


Jenna 2 years ago

I have recently just lost my boyfriend. We were on our senior trip with other classmates when a drunk driver hit him while he was walking one on the way back to the resort. It has been the toughest week of my life. I feel so lost without him. I am so devastated and distraught, and I feel like I will never love anyone like I loved him. I have my good days and my bad days, and I know I will continue to do so. I just don't understand why God would allow this to happen, but I hope that I will eventually find peace and happiness again.


Jamela 2 years ago

I just found out today that the love of my life in no more. Car accident. He was the only person in this world who understood me. The last time i was with him, he shared all his dreams with me. I feel that people around me do no understand my grief, they seem to be all happy. I am waiting for him to visit me in my dreams, I just want to hear him say his ok. My angel, I know you are with me, just talk to me and tell me you are fine. I love you so much.


Jenna 2 years ago

Jamela, I know how you feel. We all know how you feel. I find it very comforting to keep a journal, because it's like talking to him and God at the same time. I had a dream about my boyfriend the other night. It was hard waking up, because I had to tell myself it was only a dream and that he's really gone. God bless


Jamela 2 years ago

Thank you Jenna. Im trying my best to keep strong, sometimes I get so angry, asking myself why he left me , then I'll say to myself if he was given a chance he wouldn't have left so soon. He will always say to me "baby when im good I want to marry you". Now it will never happen. When Im driving I keep imagining how he possibly died, how he car swerved. I still miss him, everyday. I tell him I miss him. Everytime I see a bird in my porch I talk to it, cos I think that's him visiting me. The last time I was with him, he moved so close to me, I felt warm air passing through, I knew he felt it too, we did not say anything to each other after that. It was a strange feeling. And now I know it was a sign telling me I will never see him again. I still love him so much like he is still here. I miss him so much.


Maggie 2 years ago

Hello brave women out there. I lost my boyfriend 45 days ago. When I met him he told me he had a life threatening illness and he didn´t know how long he would live. He was too amazing not to fall in love with. He only lived for two years and four months. He held his hand for three days before he died. I feel his presence everyday to the point that I had to pray and tell him to rest in peace. They are watching over us but some of us cannot feel it. They want to tell us that we will be okay. I am not. I am very unhappy. He was tailored made for me. I had never loved like that. The world has suddenly become a very dull and uninteresting place for me. Sleeping is my only comfort. I wish all of us can heal and come to terms with our losses. God bless you all. Maggie


Jamela 2 years ago

Hi Maggie, Its a sad time for me, I hope you are keeping hope alive. Its 27 days for me. I listen to sad songs. I try but its so hard not to think about him, If i see a car that looks like his it all comes back. I hope we can carry on. For me its been hard.


Maggie 2 years ago

Hi Jamela, I am not doing well, I think things do get worse before they get better. On the 14th it will be 2 months since Martin passed away. I did an Homage for him in FB but I can´t manage to keep away from it. I wait until somebody posts on it or I post frantically all day. I have panick attacks and I have failed all my subjects in school, not necessarily my fault, I have pathetic teachers on my last subjects. I am close to graduating. I have been summoned to see a psychiatrist and I have been on the ER 4 times in 2 weeks do to migraines. I hope things get better. I have managed to go to a support group. All my love to all of you guys.


China 2 years ago

My boyfriend of 2 years died on Feb. 27th 2014. Yesterday made 5 months. Im still deeply saddened and lost because of his death. February was a very hard time for us and there was a lot of pressure with even thought of separating. I keep replaying the last words I spoke to him over the phone, thinking if I would have said something differently would he have come home and been in a safe place. Would he still be here today? I had visions and hope when he was alive. Most of the visions and goals were to get us in a healthier position with our relationship. Build our empire. Without him, nothing. I ask was this punishment?, did I ask for this ?, was there something I can do? Was he my soulmate? Was I meant to be alone? Will I see him again? Can he communicate with me? Can the dead speak? The list goes on. I pray, I ask God. Looking into the future its so hard because my world is shaken and im in fear of whatever is going to happen next. He was the closest thing to perfection. He expressed his love in a way I've never experienced.his beauty was inside and out. Every day I wake still hoping. My worldhas very little meaning but Im trying my hardest to believe there is a light under this tunnel. He was 27. Young and ambitious. He's gone but I still worry about what he possibly did while he was here. Did he cheat on me? When he wrote about marriage in his journal was he writing it about me..excuse my all over the place response but this is how flipped my mind is. Thank you for reading.


anne 2 years ago

my boyfriend passed away exactly 3months ago.my clock stopped ticking.i miss him everyday.especially before i go to sleep,because we used to talk to each other every night til we fall asleep. We didn't talk anything special,just update each other on casual daily life. I can remember all the things we done together.i wish i could go back to the days i had him in my arm...

I never imagined life without him.since the day i met him i thought we would grow old together.

I sometimes think of going after him,but then i remember his parents at the funeral...i cant make my parents feel the pain i have now..but gosh it'd be so amazing to be with him again.


Lynn 2 years ago

My boyfriend and I were in a car accident together, he ran into a flat bed truck. The impact was so hard I hadn't realized how bad until I tried to make my way out of the car. When I looked over he'd been decapitated by the glass and I couldn't believe what I just saw. I'm still in disblief it was only two months ago June 25,2014 the day my life changed forever. I don't know anyone that has ever gone through anything as horrible as this. To be next to the person you love see them alive one minute and gone the next within a second you can no longer tell them you love them and hear it in return, never kiss their lips again or feel the warmth next to your body that you've felt for so many nights. I'd love to actually have a conversation asking him anything and him able to answer. Except anytime I dream him he's either browsing through pictures or saying one or two words and leaving. He's called me, we've talked briefly only saying I miss you and love yous and I beg to see him sometime. This time has been very hard for me and even though my support has been very helpful it doesn't take back the feeling of wanting him here with me.


Jennifer Rebecca profile image

Jennifer Rebecca 2 years ago Author

Lynn- I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. The stories I have read in the comments here from women like you and me who have experienced such a devastating loss just breaks my heart, and your story is no exception. You went through a truly traumatic event right before your eyes - in a flash - and have a flood of emotions from a life altering event that nobody should have to process so quickly.

A support system is so important to have and seeking out others who understand your sorrow to talk about your boyfriend and experience and be reassured by others that you will get through this.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and all these ladies. Take good care of yourself.

Jennifer


Lorrie 2 years ago

I lost Bob august 11th I am so tired


Rachael 2 years ago

I lost my boyfriend 4 days ago to suicide. I can't bring myself to eat or drink. I can't sleep without taking tablets. We had the best relationship in the world, we only ever argued once. The night it happened it was just a normal night over his house watching TV. I had to leave at 11pm because I had work at 6am the next morning. I was woken up at 4.16am to the terrible news and found a text message from him a few minutes before it happened. I've had so many messages of support and everyone keeps telling me I'm not alone but I can't help but feel like I'm the only one effected. I've been with his parents everyday but they are smiling and remembering the good memories but I'm just not ready for that yet and it makes me angry that people can smile at this time. The thing I want most is to be with him but I'm just too afraid and I know deep down it's the wrong thing to do. I know I have to power through and get on with my life.

But now I feel like I have no life. We planned to travel next month to thailand, get engaged next year, get a house and have babies. It was only on Tuesday we were talking about baby names for girls and boys. My boyfriend was not depressed, he just simply made a silly mistake but had too much pride to tell his parents and thought everyone would be disappointed in him. And it breaks my heart knowing he couldn't find it in his heart to stay for me and our future. I can't imagine being with anyone else ever, I now never want to marry it have children.

I know one day that may change but fight now the thought of loving someone else makes me sick. Brett has my heart and will do forever. I just wish I could see him one more time.

I'm going to take the advice from you all though and start a journal, that never crossed my mine before but it seems like a good way to express my feelings privately and help me come to terms with it.

I'm so glad I found this page, thank you.


Unanymous Name 2 years ago

I lost my boyfriend on Memorial Day May 25, 2014. It's almost 4 months since it happened and it is frightening how slow and fast the time is moving along with no real value it seems. I am keeping busy with my little girl, and without her I don't know what would make me laugh or smile. I owe God so much for having something I can still hold close. I feel so confused, alone, and judged. It took until 2 weeks ago to finely dream of him. I'm now looking only to God and begging to get through this. There has to be a way. I have a lot of faith. I just don't understand how the emotions can change so much from day to day. It's unreal. I can't get him out of my mind and thoughts just won't stop. I pray I get some relief. Knowing he is watching isn't helping. It almost make it worse. I had lost my dog 3 yrs old two months before the accident in March 2014 and also went through a miscarriage in April. Then I lost him in May. It's been very numbing and I don't want to know what's next. I don't understand Gods plan right now or how it will improve. It seems like the worst keeps happening around me and I feel like I don't deserve love since I lost him. It took 28 years to finally find that good man. His heart was pure his intentions unlike any other man. Maybe it's because I'm a single mom and God has to make sure we are super strong. I just want to move forward and I can't stand this stand still in the surroundings I'm faced with. I have thoughts of what he would say to me and the words almost fall off my tounge. They come to me so fast sometimes it makes me feel he is here with me. I know Heaven will be a glorious place and he will be there to greet me alongside Jesus when I arrive. That's what keeps me positive . I deleted Facebook because I just can't look how others are going by each day without such a change I feel inside. It's become something that is making me feel more awkward because I haven't moved forward. I will wait however long it takes to find happiness again. There is nothing you can say to help someone move along. There is no shortest amount of healing necessary, no band aid fix. I'm wondering now if closure of the actual death plays a role. He doesn't have a grave or a space you can visit. And the accident location is so busy all times of the day it's not very private. I'm not sure what will become of all of this. I think girlfriends have a very very difficult role. People assume you will move on and your not a part of their family so you don't matter. It's the exact opposite. I was the person that cared about his most inner feelings. I was able to show him what being in love again felt like. He couldn't sleep unless I was in his arms. He was starting to shake at night. He never wanted me to leave his side and have me unhappy sad faces when I even considered it. To me a lot of this is more personal than many guy friends had with him. I just feel as if people didn't really care. I know he did. So much. So that's all that matters. I know people only have his best interest at heart if they did act awkward around me. The only thing I have left that is close to him is God. I have to see that as more than an opportunity to be with him and snap out of this. The feelings of being left out, judgement, ridicule, helpless, emotional, numb etc seem to be carrying on as normal. Everything completely the opposite of how he ever wanted me to feel. It all seems so negative and I feel guilt from that definitely. It just won't pass and hope to update this soon with a changed hope.


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noddyssis 2 years ago from Weymouth Dorset UK

Hi. I'm very new to this but so glad I have found this thread. My fiancé, best friend and soul mate died suddenly abroad on 30th August. He was away on a stag weekend with his friends and my life was blown apart that day. I am 45, he was 36. I have been left heartbroken. I never expected this to happen to me in a million years. I feel I have had my heart ripped out and life has come to a stop. All made harder by the fact we do not know, and may never know, the full circumstances of his death. How do we ever move on from such a tragedy. I have no idea how I am going to move on. All the plans we had for our future. Getting married, visiting all the capital cities in the world. Even buying a camper van. Everywhere I go. Everything I do. Listening to music, watching tv. Constant reminders and the need to have him here with me. Even walking the dogs. I have 2 wonderful sons, 17 and 20 and amazing friends and family but nobody is him. I loved him so much and maybe never really showed or told him enough when he was here. I so wish I did. I cannot imagine ever finding anyone who will even come close to how I feel about him and can't bear the thought of spending the rest of my life without him. People say time is a great healer. That's rubbish. I know it won't heal but I know one day I will build a new life around the grief but not one that I want. I still do not believe this is real. Nothing feels normal. Can't believe this has happened to us. We are good, honest, reliable, hard working people. Nobody deserves this. Especially us. I visit his grave every single day and talk to him more than I probably did when he was here. Have no idea how I am going to move on with what life I have left. Heartbroken.


Jenna 2 years ago

It’s a great comfort to know that I am not alone during the heartache of losing a true love. This world has so much pain and darkness, but so much love expressed simultaneously. Your story is heart felt and the connection is something that we can not only relate to but provide a network of support. Thankyou.


KD 2 years ago

My best friend was taken from me on October 4th, 2014, however I didn't find out until October 14th via the internet. It was the most traumatic experience I have ever experienced. The last time we talked he told me he was heading to the United States from Toronto Canada to visit family in Connecticut. During our last conversation his cell phone battery died and that was the last time I heard from him. Days passed by with no response to my calls, text or email. It wasn't until I started making efforts to file a missing person report that I eventually realized by "googling his name on the internet that he was killed by a stun-gun in New London, Connecticut. When I read the article at work I felt like my heart was going to stop. Its been almost two weeks since finding out he's gone. Some days are better then other but I miss him dearly. He was a very Spiritual, God fearing man, he would always tell me to have a REAL relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, and that I should fill my spirit with the Word of God. Strangely enough, it's through his death that I have started to become closer to God. My friend didn't deserve to die, he was only 31, and a Doctor. I pray the real truth regarding his death comes to light, as I don't believe everything the media has to stay regarding the events leading up to his untimely passing. For 3 year he brought joy to my life and I learned so much from him. RIP my friend, you'll always be in my heart. I know you would want me to move on, and with the Lord strength I will eventually but I will never for get you.


dee 2 years ago

I lost my fiancée may 19 2014. He had a massive heart attack in front of me. It's been 5 months I had too get medical treatment for my panic attacks; depression ; axciety and post tramtic stress. I could not leave my home.it was like the end of the world. We had plans he was having a home built. Its been hard I miss him every day. I hope I can move on.


Marianna 2 years ago

Reading this has made me feel like I'm not alone. I lost my fiancé 2 weeks ago they are saying it's due to his diabetes. He was my soulmate, my best friend, my first kiss, my first everything. He was the first man I trusted and we were together for 7 and 1/2 years. I am feel so lost and alone. We were moving forward with buying a house getting married in 8 months and now I'm living at his parents and just no matter what I do I feel like I'm lost and alone. I hate this I'm so upset. I just want him back. He was my soulmate and my best friend.


Jennifer 2 years ago

I lost my boyfriend suddenly last Tuesday Oct 28th,2014 at 8:15pm in a car accident....my world has fell apart and now I have to start over with everything and try to move on...I don't want to move on.....I want to hold him and kiss him and laugh with him and hear his voice again.....what makes things a little easier is knowing he was killed instantly.....but to be completely honest I want to leave this world at the moment I want to see him again....I have to be stronger though.......He hasn't come to me in my dreams yet...I'm hoping he will tonight. I love you Ryan


anonymous 2 years ago

I lost my boyfriend of 3 years about 7 months ago. I am 19. Life is hard and I find it difficult to continue living. He was the best person ever, he was smart, funny, understanding, selfless, he could talk to anybody and he always wanted to help. He loved the cosmos and everything beyond, and he loved the earth and God. With him I was a stoner, quiet, chick. Now I am becoming slutty. I am very unhappy but I feel like this is the only way ill get over him. By leaving him in my past. And becoming someone else. I miss him terribly and everything reminds me of him. I never cry and I don't know why when I am so terribly sad. I try not to feel anything because everybody tells me I'm so strong but really I feel helpless. This life is so pointless. And I know nobody will read this but it felt really nice to vent.


noddyssis profile image

noddyssis 2 years ago from Weymouth Dorset UK

I read it. You certainly are not alone. This grief really, really sucks and the feeling of never, ever going to see our men again is indescribable. Do whatever YOU need to do to get through it but look after yourself and be safe. We still have a life to live and I hope one day we will smile again. In the meantime it's like serving a sentence which we have to accept. Let people know you're not o.k. It may surprise you what you get back. Be honest x


lucero naranjo 2 years ago

No one undersrands how it feels to lose your partner your friend your boyfriend. Rodolfo Ramirez jr was everything to me he went on to a better place three weeks ago he was only 22 yrs old he was my world. I dont understand why tragic accudents like these happen i miss him so much he had so much to accomplish we were together two yrs my hole life stoped i pretend to be ok but how can i be when i cant hold him i cant kiss him. im lost without him. He died on a motorcycle accident he loved that thing the thing is i keep on thinking why didn't he let me go with him why did he left me behind like every couple we had our bad moments but he new how to make it all better well we both did. I guess theirs no way to deal with this heartache but with time but how when theirs no words to say i dont know why i haven't gone crazy i guess i think about my family but i just want to be with him i keep asking myself why didn't he just take me with him why did he left without me maybe if i had gone with him that night he would still be with me and his mom and sister and this nightmare would stop i love him and i will always love him on this world and the next.


Quaya 2 years ago

I lost my soon to be husband one week ago. Unexpectedly to a car accident. He was on his way home from work, I waited and waited for him which was so unlike him. I called hospitals to find out he been in car accident. Then to find out he couldn't make it turned my whole world around. I love that man. We did everything together. He was my everything. We were Around each other all the time except if we had to go to work. He was truly my bestfriend. Yesterday was his funeral. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe he was gone. It really became a reality to me yesterday. He was at that funeral, he was there. He is my world and honestly I can't imagine life without him. How am I going to make it? ? We were suppose to get married, have kids. We were just talking about our lives together. Just talking about when we were getting married And the time to have kids. No man can ever feel his void. But I'm at peace with knowing he is with the almighty God. I'm not sure how each day is going to be from the next but I just keep praying for strength. This was truly an eye opener. You never know when our time gone be, so we need to get it right with God. This caught me by surprise but God already knew. He was ready for God. He was only 33 but had his life together with God. He was enrolled in a phd program in ministry to be a pastor. God used him to teach me so much. How to read the bible, get answers from God from the bible, and so much more. We prayed together, read together.... God had his hands on my babie, my love, my best friend. I just wish I was with him, I just wish I could have been there for the last moments to tell him I love him and always will. Maybe I could of saved him, did cpr sooner. I just wish.... I just remember him leaving out to work that night, our last conversation. I'm thankful he knew I loved him, I'm thankful he knew I cared. Although we couldn't tell each other one last time we both knew we loved each other and that we meant so much to one another. I feel privileged to have a relationship with him, he means the world to me. I'm only 24 soon to be 25 but that man made an impact on my life for the better. I pray to God to talk to him and for him to talk back. I know he with me in spirit but I want that conversation Again, to hear his voice. I know he gone in flesh but I know he is finally at peace with God. Although I want him here with me I know God wanted him more. I have no say Cuz he was God's before he was given to me. I love that man and always will. Truly life isn't going to be the same without him. But again I constantly ask for strength. And for him to make his presence known to me. We need to seek God for relationship, get closer to God, Cuz we never know when it's our turn. I'm honored again God gave me my soul mate, my love, I'm thankful. I will always miss him, I will never forget him, he will always be in my heart, and he is genuinely my soul mate and my bestfriend! ! I love you babie♡♡


Pam 2 years ago

I lost the love of my life a week ago in an accident. I feel like I lost everything I had. We were going to get married, have kids, and grow old together, and we were both 100% committed to that plan. We were so close to having everything we wanted and now there is nothing of it left. I won't get to see him waiting for me at the end of the aisle. He won't get to see me pregnant with his baby and tell me I'm beautiful the whole way through. I won't be able to cuddle in bed with him with our children between us. He would have been the best husband and father. I was set for a life of happiness with this man, and now everything is gone.


mia 23 months ago

My man passed away in his sleep on Nov 11th, 2014. He was only 41. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me so much, then went to bed normal. He was so happy. He never woke up. I'm still in disbelief that Sean is gone, sometimes easier to think this is a dream. That one night all was wonderful, now suddenly all our dreams, plans, everything just all on hold or gone. I just don't know.

I'm grateful to have been in love with an amazing man, who also loved me so much and forever will. The days are long, but I get up each morning and try. I look forward to night's to sleep and dream.

I ask god, Jesus and Sean everyday for strength.

I take one day at a time, and at the end of each day, I mark an x on the calender. Each x symbolizes a day closer when I shall be with him again, god may have many days ahead of me, but one day I shall be beside him again. For now, I know he's around and will help me and guide me from being lost. Love u Sean so so much.


seraphic profile image

seraphic 23 months ago from Canada

My boyfriend died several years ago... I could not look up for a couple of years, then a miracle happened, I met someone! Things were great, now he is sick as well... Thank you for sharing your experience, I will try to draw from your knowledge.


Yvonne 23 months ago

I met my boyfriend when we were children, we went to the same elementary school and rode the bus together. We didn't become close until I was 14 and he was 15 at a youth group, he was so talented with music always carrying his guitar everywhere, so in love with God. Eventually we began dating two and a half years ago, despite being young (16 &17) I really do think we were soulmates. On December 29th, he was taking care of our ranch while my family and I were out of the country, he called me telling me a calf was dying and he didn't want to leave it alone, I insisted he just call the neighbor, leave a message and go home. He had called his sister saying he was heading back to his apartment but after 8pm he never responded to our text messages. They spent all night looking for him and found him until early morning where his car had flipped over a bridge and fallen into the water. His body was about 500 meters away since he had gotten out and was searching for help, he was still alive gasping for breath he had hypothermia and when he arrived at the hospital his heart stopped but they managed to revive him. He only had one percent of brain activity and doctors could not explain how he was alive. I arrived on the 31st and on the 1st they declared him brain dead. His parents kept him on life support until the 7th. I can't even get out of bed anymore, he was my best friend he knew me better than anyone he never even had to ask if something was wrong he just knew. I suffer from anxiety attacks and he was the only one who could ever calm me down, I know I have to live, he would want me to be happy but I'm so lost. He had been talking about marriage lately and his future plan... The worst part of all this is how guilty I feel because I caused his death. If I had told him to go home earlier or to stay at my house for the night he would still be here. That night of the accident I felt something was wrong ... I knew something had happened to him, I didn't have my phone with me so I couldn't call his sister or parents but I wanted to ...If I had he would've been found quicker. He was known by many so his memorial and funeral were bursting with people but some have escalated things on social media the day of the funeral they took pictures of the family and I while we were crying and posted them. It makes me angry because now I will always have a reminder of that day instead of the memories we made together. People are already telling me to get over it, to move on, almost like I have no right to grief because I was just his girlfriend. I just don't know how to cope with this anymore, I am not angry at God but I just really want to know why him? why so young? I have such an urge all day to text him or call when something happens because he was the person I shared everything to now I really have no one...


Yvonne 23 months ago

Just to clarify a mistake I made, we were 16 and 17 when we started dating two and a half years ago. We are both 19 now he was going to turn 20 in march


Jennifer Rebecca profile image

Jennifer Rebecca 23 months ago Author

Yvonne , I am so sorry to read your story and hear of your loss. I feel your pain and I wish I had the right words to make you feel better instantly. It takes time to heal from such a devastating loss and only you know the amount of time. The loss is personal to you and your relationship with your boyfriend is unique to anyone else's relationship with him. You were closest to him - the loss cuts so deep. You have to let yourself grieve and advice to move on and just get over it is not good advice in my opinion. People who say that mean well but they do not understand unless they have gone through the loss of a partner at a younger age. I know your desperation for him , the longing , trying to wrap your head around the shock of what has happened. It took me over a year to really start feeling better. When a loss is fresh and its a traumatic loss it's hard to even process all you're feeling. Give yourself as much time as you need - writing a journal really helped me get out all the feelings I was going through in a therapeutic way. I will be thinking of you and praying for you and your boyfriend. Again I am so sorry for your loss and I hope this helps in a small way - even if it's just to know you are not alone and others understand . Take care of yourself .

- Jenny


Jennifer 22 months ago

My loss occurred 2 months ago November 2014 also due to a car accident. We had a very complicated relationship but I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone. We also had a long distance thing but I would've seen him a week later after he passed. There's still so much unclear about his death that doesn't help me get through all of my feelings. I feel sad hurt and so angry. I'm different than most on here that I am angry at God. I cannot get myself to pray because it all does not make sense to me. He had faults like all of us but he was such a good man and a great influence on me. I don't know that he knew how much I thought of him. I didn't get to have the conversation I most wanted to with him and I regret some things I think may have had a difference. I'm also bothered by other people who seem to not have been through something like this. Others can go on living their lives not feeling or understanding how I feel. It's so painful. I hold on to every memory and thing I have from him. I dream regularly but it's not him. I'd give anything for him to still be here. I ask why not me. All of my dreams and hopes left with him. I don't think I'll ever be my former self again. It's nice to see posts from others who understand. It's so difficult to even wake up each day.


Tracy 21 months ago

Hi I lost my fiancé suddenly march 9th 2015. I feel a heavy loss can't eat just miss John I want to be with him.


brenda 20 months ago

I lost my finance a 2/17/2015. He had a massive heart attack in front of me. He had been feeling bad, but would let me get him to the hospital. I love and miss him so much. The pain is unexplainable. I lost my brother 2/11/2013 to cancer. I struggled with losing him. I just ask God to help my understanding. I just want the sadness to go away. I feel lost. I know that He said that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Father God I do thank you for the time that you gave us together and I love you.


brenda 20 months ago

I apologize to all readers. I misspelled fiancé. Thanks for your prayers


yvette 20 months ago

My name is Yvette I am 19 I lost my first love Eddie who was only 21 3 1/2 weeks ago to drugs .. The pain is real .. I read all of these comments and see heart attacks & car accidents and it hurts that my love passed from drugs and I couldn't do anything to help .. I lived with him for 2 years this year I wouldve been with him for 5 years .. I miss him more and more each day I made him my whole life and now that he's gone I don't even know how to feel he was the first person I ever lost in my life and the pain is unbearable . I find myself always asking why why ? What did I do to deserve something like this . he made my life better he mad me happy when I felt like everyone else shut me out .. Every day I wish I could've saved him .. But I know there is a reason why he is not with me today everyday is hard but I want to live for him make him proud .. I will never love someone like I loved him that's for sure he was my world may he rest in peace


Carol 20 months ago

I lost the true love of my life just 2 weeks ago....he was 62 and we were engaged to get married. I wasn't even. Looking for anyone then I met Bill. Then lost touch as I lost my job. Last year his sister was admitted to rehab....I was in housekeeping dept. And since it had been awhile since I seen her, wasn't sure if it was her. After chatting found out it was her. She then told me he was still single. She had him come in to visit and we were together ever since.

He haden't had health insurance and finally got him to get it two months ago.....so by the time he went to the e.r. it was way to late. I feel so guilty as he was getting me to my appointments and not going to get his health checked......it turned out he had leukemia and three days later he was gone. He had been fearing he would be questioned on why he had no real employment for years due to other issues and when we really started to get him to look into it needed motivating.....so anyway, he thought he wouldn"t get help. We would have married two or three weeks ago......or with original date in mid-May. I am devastated......and have read some of the other stories. I don't know if I have the strength to get through this. But suddenly, the last couple of days I have turned to listening to relugious songs, reading about the Lord, Bill listenened to Charles Stanley. I loved him because he was religious and he wanted to have commitment. Could my sudden interest be coming from Bill?

I need to feel his presence but not sure. He is in my heart. I miss him so terribly.


Nicole 19 months ago

I lost my fiancé Tim to a hit-and-run almost a year and a half ago. I am so hopeful to find love again but I'm having a tough grief night and reading this article was like reading something I myself could've written nearly verbatim. It hurts every day. He was and always will be my best friend. Bless you and so happy you found love from a supportive man who knows you share your love with Jack. Your story was comforting to me in that it reminds me I'm not alone in my pain and I have hope.


George 19 months ago

My fiancé was killed in 1978. Have never found a love like here again., You are very lucky or blessed to have loved again.


Marcia 19 months ago

i just lost my boyfriend 3 days ago. I feel empty. You'er so strong and i know i will get through this just don't know when? but eventually. we did so much together there isn't one single place i go that doesn't bring back a memory of him. I can't stop crying, i can't eat and i can't stop thinking about him. i have a final today and God knows i don't know how i'm gonna do it but i know He will be with me right there. i can still smell him, hear his laughter and all the silly jokes he use to make. There was never a dull moment with him. God knows best and i know he is in a better place. Rest easy baby. i love you and will always do. Until we meet again my angel!


Hope Hoffman profile image

Hope Hoffman 18 months ago

I lost my boyfriend Kevin Feb 10, 2015 and I miss him terribly. He was the love of my life and I'm still devastated. He was 42 and had been thru a lot over last 10 yrs, him and his wife were separated since 2005 and he had never filed for divorce. He was the kindest and sweetest guy and she took advantage and he was afraid of filing. We met 8-11-2012 and from the moment we met we both knew this was the real thing. I had bad relationships, I thought I was in love but this was the fairy tale kind... Very different and so nice. I had been single for 3 yrs and was giving up on love and then we met. From that night on we weren't apart, he stayed at my house one night about 2 wks into our relationship and never left... It was as if we had been together for years. We had so much in common and so much alike. We both grew up on farms and had a good upbringing. He always told me I was the true love of his life and really got him and accepted him for who he was. We had planned on getting married this summer and had plans to go look at rings on Valentine's Day but on February 10th at 4:30 am I found him on the bathroom floor, he had died of a massive heart attack (which took 3 weeks to find that out). He appeared healthy, worked everyday and even just recently had check up with heart Dr and all was good so this blind sided everyone. That was his day off from work and the night before everything was as usual, made plans for next day. I honestly had moments were the pain was so bad I considered suicide but I didn't want others to feel this pain. My world is completely turned upside down, everyday I think of things we will never experienced together like we planned. He was so special and different than any other man I've ever known, he was "old school". He didn't have a men bone in his body and helped everyone. This weekend has been very hard. I don't know how to deal with this and move on, I died with him. I can't think about anyone else and don't know if I ever will be able too. Some people say "you only knew him 2-1/2 yrs get over it". To me I felt like I knew him a lifetime. We did everything together and it's hard to do anything now because he's not with me.


DH 18 months ago

Hope Hoffman, and everybody, I feel you. I lost my boyfriend 24 days ago, just 3 days after I left the country. We met in Valentine's Day this year, not as a date, only for coffee. But he fell in love with me and kissed me when we had to split for the metro. We were two strangers who were just moved to the country. He was doing his master degree and I was doing my internship. We found happiness within 2,5 months. It was only 2,5 months but full of memories, no fight at all, and it feels like a 100 years. We found our soulmate in each other's. I had to leave the country due to my visa and the end of my internship. We planned to meet again in 4 months after my graduation, but he died on his bed because of heart attack and aneurism while studying. His brother called me immediately and somehow I got the visa to go back to the country and attend his funeral. The first 10 days I was a walking dead. I saw my future was gone. But I have a thesis to do and my defence will be in September. I tried to boost my logic to be strong. I accept his death. But still drop tears. I agree with people who do journals as a therapy and I advice others to do the same. It helps to soothe the bruise. I developed a good relationship with my boyfriend's family, his mom and dad and his brother, and his friends. That gives you more strength. It makes you feel not alone. I am still talking with his parents and brother through Facebook. They are happy and regard me as their daughter and sister. They need support too. We also maintain my boyfriend's Facebook as a memorial page. We share our own stories about him. Other than that, I also seek professional help. I just made a render-vous with a psychologist in my campus today. I wish everyone's luck in the future, and as a believer, I always feel optimist that God will always have something to please me after the grief.


posy 18 months ago

I lost my partner of 15 months ,1 month ago I feel alone we spend every evening after I came in from work together and I would spend Thursday to Sunday nite with him in his apt we were very happy and he told me he loved me every day we had booked to go on holidays and that never happened he died two days after we should have gone away , I miss his cuddles kisses , he was my first real love and now I lonely and I also pass by his apt every day


18 months ago

hi everyone. I would like to start off by saying I am so sorry for your losses. Grief, as I am finding, is the worst thing to experience and I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. My boyfriend and I had been together for 5 short months. I have never felt the way I felt with anyone as I had with him. We were both head over heels in love. We talked exensivly about getting our own home, getting married, having kids, and growing old together. We were made for each other. He did everything for me and never hesitated to take an opportunity to make me happy. Almost 3 months ago, he was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder called TTP. He was in the hospital for 5 days. They did all kinds of blood tests, plasma transfusions, and they sent him to a different hospital to get more blood work done. All we heard were positive outcomes. He was going to recover and we'd be out of the hospital by Monday. Friday night I got to sleep with him. Before I fell asleep his breathing was labored and very abnormal. I tried to tell the nurse, but all she said was he is fine. I woke up the next morning to him sezuring. I will never forget the look on his face, the foam coming from his mouth, or the way his body jerked from side to side. When he came to, he had no clue what was going on. The nurses had to restrain him. It took at least 4 nurses to each limb to get a grip on him. He was such a strong man!! About 4 hours later he passed away. It didn't feel real! It took at least a good minute to sink in when the doctor told us the horrible news. My first thought was, ok yea you're joking he's 23 he's not supposed to die, tell me the truth now. Once I realized that was the truth, the waterworks started, and still have not ended. My world was completely turned upside down. My emotions have never been this uncontrollable. I'm lonely, sad, depressed, confused, angry, and numb all at the same time. My biggest question is, how am I supposed to move on without closure? How am I supposed to love someone again without feeling guilty? Reading everyone's stories have been very comforting. Thank you all for sharing.


Adelina 16 months ago

I just lost my boyfriend of three years 28 days ago. I feel empty inside. He got shoot and died instantly. I always cry almost every day I miss him so much. He was kind and caring. But I am happy to read all this comment I feel a little bit better. I always pray when I feel down it also helped.


Deltora 16 months ago

My boyfriend died 12 days ago. I was away with family and I had called him and heard his voice for two seconds an hour before he died. I found out via the Internet after not hearing from him and since then I've wished it were me instead.

He was murdered and I wish I never got on the plane to leave him. He was the love of my life, the only person I've ever trusted. We talked a few weeks earlier about babies, and he looked at me like I was magic. He was 28 and I'll be 24 in a few weeks. I feel like I have no future, I'm in so much pain I can't eat and I only have strength to lay in bed clutching his hoody. I miss him so much I feel as though I'm being punished. He was what I asked the universe for, and I can't bare to think of my life without him.

I feel like I've lost out on the family I wanted with him and now I'll be alone. I miss his smile, his laugh. He would always kiss and hold me, I miss just hearing his voice.


Mel 16 months ago

I lost my boyfriend eight weeks ago to a tragic and unexpected car accident. He was 26. So young and he had so many plans he wanted to accomplish. Knowing such an incident could have been avoided only makes me feel worse. Like many of you, I am heartbroken. We have been together eight years and started making plans for a future together. He was planning to propose this month so it has been especially hard for me.

Thank you for sharing your story with us Jennifer. It helps to know there are others who have gone through something similar. I admit it's true. The hardest is after everyone else goes back to their normal routine but you feel stuck. It's when you realize how big of a loss it is to lose him and that he is gone forever. Every little thing reminds you of him and you succumb to this dark spot you don't know if you can get out of.

I have been writing journal entries to help express my feelings but it's still hard to get over because the pain is fresh. I do it as a way to cope with not being able to talk to him on the phone or being able to message him on a day-to-day basis. It helps to get my thoughts out but I still miss him dearly. It's hard knowing you have to eventually move on with you life when you don't want to say goodbye. I read somewhere that the pain you feel is proportional to the amount of love you had/have for that person. I guess that's what sucks about grief. You have to go through and bear the pain, no matter how much it hurts. I hope all of you stay strong.


K M 16 months ago

My boyfriend died 5 days ago and th entire thing feels like a bad dream. We knew each other for 10 years and dated briefly but decided to remain friends. Life of course gets busy but we always kept in touch over the years. About a year ago the frquency of our communications increased and we started hanging out again. About 8 months ago we got serious and its been the happiest I have been in my life in a long time. We were mental equals (he was an applied mathematician and i an econometrician) and shared common interests outside of our love of math and numbers. We could talk about everything. I said bye to him that morning nothing was out of the ordinary he ends up getting killed in a hit and run in broad day light less than 2 hours later. It kills me because after all those years of being fiends we got together and we made each other very happy and for him to be gone. I know Im destined to be alone for a long time.


Sman 15 months ago

My life partner passed away June 30th unexpectedly. Reading your article your situation is very similar to mine...we drove to work everyday and we have no children..only us and some kitties. Your comment about the ashes really hit home with me...it seems almost evil that a beautiful vibrant person can be alive and dynamic and in 2 days be reduced to ashes from sticking them in a cremation high heat furnace...it just seems so unreal but she isn't here so it must be real. And the waking up in the morning to her not being here is so very difficult. But they say the average is 6 months before the gloom starts to lift. 4 more to go for me and I'm counting....


Monique 15 months ago

I lost my loving fiancé 10days ago. We were together for 6 years and have a 5year old son together. It was a tragic Death that never should have happened. I was completely enamored with him. He was my everything. I want him back more than anything. The fact that he is gone eats away at me. I am trying to go on with life but at times I just want to die then I look at my children and know that I cannot leave them without a mom. My baby was the most handsome man in the world, beautiful inside and out. I don't see how I can live without him. He was everything to me. My life will never be the same without him. He made me feel beautiful and comfortable and safe. We would have married next fall. Why did I have to lose my love. I feel guilt anger and regret. So many things that could have been done differently to save him. I will never be The same without him. I don't see how. Why do such loved and needed people have to leave this earth so soon? I want him back more than anything, I miss him so much. I would give anything to be in his arms again. This is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I cant stop crying nor stop thinking of him. Nothing can take away the pain. I have been looking to God and my children for small amounts of comfort. I could never love anyone the way I love him, I don't see how. Don't think I could ever move on, he was my life, my future, my everything. I love you Seneca more than anything. Thanks for sharing all God bless.


Tim 12 months ago

I just came across this and it has helped alot. About 8 months ago I lost my fiance Katrina to a jealous ex that came down from up north and took her life. She left behind 2 boys and the grief I've had has been impossible to cope with. I get to still see her boys every now and then, but we were only months away from becoming married. It made things so hard since we just came back from our first family vacation. After reading you story the journal is a great idea. I too never blamed God for anything, I just couldn't understand why he took her life. I still cry everynight.


BrittneyK 11 months ago

I lost my boyfriend of 6 years 5 months ago. July 23rd he died from a rare cancer at age 33. Just 3 months before that we enjoyed a wonderful vacation. We found out about the cancer 2 months before he died. He wanted nothing more than to get better and beat it. He was such a positive person. Not a day goes by that i don't cry for him. I miss him more and more. It took me about a week after his funeral and when people started returning to their normal routine to realize he was actually gone. I feel so alone, i don't think anyone cares. I don't cry in front of others or tell anyone how much i miss him, because i don't want to be a burden to anyone. Its five months today and i feel the same as when this first happened. I get that lump in my throat when i think of him, i talk to him on my way home from work everyday and burst into tears, i yell his name hoping he would hear me. I try to imagine him walking through my doorway. I don't know if I'm coping right or if there is a right way to cope. Im scared of my future. Everything that we planned together is no longer going to happen. We were going to have children and move to tx. He just landed his dream job. Everything was normal and we were so happy. Now it's the exact opposite and i don't know if life for me will ever be normal and happy. I know he would want it to be, but i just can't seem to get out of this darkness. I smile and laugh with friends family n Coworkers but when I'm alone im sad, depressed, and crying for him. Time doesn't seem to be helping and i can't seem to figure out what will. Thoughts of me seeing him again give me relief and help me to stop crying. I want to learn to think of him and smile and be thankful for the time we had. Not think of him and cry and feel cheated out of the rest of our lives together. I hate feeling sad, mad, guilty, and scared. Will these feelings ever go away?


ALESSANDRA B 6 months ago

My fiancee was killed in 2006. He was a marine and we had everything planned out: When I finished college , we would get married and he would be finished with his four years in the military. He wanted to go back to school. At 20 years old, I was driving home when his brother called. He was in Florida and could not get a hold of his mother. He asked me to drop by his house. He told me " I think something happened to Luke". I raced down the road to make sure this was just a misunderstanding. Two marines were standing outside his house. My world was crushed in a split second.


ALESSANDRA B 6 months ago

The point of my story, I was lost after Luke died. I was so terrified of flooding Luke, I kept myself tucked away. I finally went to a counselor for PTSD and began my healing.

I want everyone to know that life is hard, but we cant allow it to consume us. I am now a microbiologist and I am engaged. If I never met Luke, I wouldn't be strong, independent, and much more empathetic.

Take the time and understand the loss and pain a person must absorb when someone very close to them dies.

Everyone has lost someone in their life. Some people are lucky to have not lost someone they were extremely close to.

However, losing an individual that is a large part of one's daily life, a person that was the others half is very difficult to heal. The world continues without pause and the path that was ment for two, is now lonely and scary.

That person must find a new path and struggle to find a way to say goodbye. We become stronger and try to surround yourself with caring people. Always trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes.


His Queen 5 months ago

I lost my king... My heart... My love just yesteday in a horrible car accident...how do I even begin to digest that...how do I breathe properly... last Sunday when I was with him He shared really deep stuff with me and made me promise him never to forget him...I wish I could bring him back...I need him... He promised me forever...I am so broken... and torn

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