To A Dear Grandmother - Dealing With The Loss Of A Loved One..
I find myself writing this hub in the wake of my Grandma’s death on Thursday, a sudden death that the family were not expecting, but at 89 years old, she passed away peacefully in her sleep, I am sure into the arms of my Grandad where they will be together for eternity.
It is a difficult time when it comes to the loss of a love one, especially someone who was so loved and the bosom of the family, to then imagine not seeing them again can be one of the hardest thoughts imaginable. The grief can be unbearable, and unrelentless, a feeling of falling into a deep hole and finding it almost impossible to pull yourself up from these depths. I am going through a turmoil of feelings, from uncontrollable tears at the mention of her name, to reminiscing to the fond memories I have of the Grandma I love so dearly.
The hardest part is seeing my mum, clearly devastated with the death of her mother and for the past few days she has slept no more than an hour, her mind whirling with thoughts of her loss, and finding the strength to continue, having to reluctantly make arrangements and hold it all together. I am overcome to the strength she has mustered and can only try an support her at this time.
It is true that people deal with grief in different ways, everyone has there own unique way of dealing with their emotions in times of turmoil, and each person should be able to express themselves. It is important to come together as a family and seek support from friends when needed.
I have seen the different ways people deal with grief, I like to talk about the person and the happy memories we shared, rather than suppress them and not accept that the person I love is no longer here physically but I they will always be here in my heart. I have cried and cried wishing she were still here, something unexpected will remind me of my loss, a song, a picture a thought, a wave of emotion that is hard to suppress.
I have heard of the five emotions that people go through when they lose a loved one - denial that the person has died, anger trying to find someone or one thing to blame, begging, praying to the almighty that you would do something different to allow them to return to us, depression and then acceptance.
I believe people hit all these emotions when it comes to bereavement, but not necessarily in the above order, as I have witnessed in the confines of my own family, anger, personally is the worst stage to go through, it does not help and can cause more upset, but people find it difficult to express themselves. These emotions you can not take personally, you have to accept we are all tuned differently and cannot always express how we feel. It is important to allow people to grieve and not suggest how they should be behaving, as this can cause greater pain and suffering.
They say time is a great healer, I am a true believer of this, it will take time, and the feeling of loss will always be there, but hopefully in the not so distant future you will cope and be able to move on but not forget the loved one, that was such a prolific part of your life.
If you are suffering, it is important to have your family and friends to lean on. I have seen the pain in my mother’s face, and only hope I can try to comfort her and lend her my support, as I hope the rest of the family can at her time of need.
I am eternally grateful that I had the pleasure of having my Grandma, she was one in a million and I will cherish the memories I spent with her and Grandad, be it in photos or one of her cherished belongings. I have been asked to write a poem for her funeral, this is one of the hardest things I have ever written, but I achieved a sense of comfort, knowing she would be proud that I would write a poem just for her, for all her family and friends.
Grandma, words cannot express the way we feel
we thought you were invincible
we never thought we would see the day
when we would not see you again
We could shed a tear that you are gone
Or smile because you lived
We know you are smiling
although we cannot see
you are back in the arms of Grandad
We could close our eyes
and pray for our Grandma to come back
or open our eyes
and see all that you have left
We’ll always remember that special smile,
that caring heart, that warm, embrace,
We’ll always remember you,
There will never be anyone like you, Grandma
Love you always and forever