Hate, Forgiveness & Lost Self Respect - A Letter to My Best Friend

Below is a letter I wrote to my best friend, who had lost his self respect, and was struggling with his feelings following a difficult period of time in his life. In the space of 6 months, he lost his house, car and business, and also faced a long jail sentence, thanks to the criminally motivated actions of a friend whom he had loved and trusted for over 10 years, and who he had left in charge of his business while he was recovering from a depression that had set in after his was terribly hurt and betrayed by a woman he had loved and planned to marry. He had finally been fully acquitted of any involvement in his friend's crimes, and had tried to move on with his life, but he was finding it hard to trust anybody and struggled with low self esteem. He slowly worked himself into an emotional state over the injustice of it all, and often fell into dark moods that left him filled with hate. In the end, he had decided that the only way he would be able to end his torment was by either venting his rage and seeking revenge, or ending his life. He told me all this in an email, and this is the reply I sent him (he wouldn't answer his dam phone), and I am happy to say that it made a big difference, as he has turned his life around. He quit his job and found a more intellectually rewarding one that pays him a lot more money too, is starting to trust in himself and his friends again, has resumed spending time engaging in his favorite hobbies, and most importantly, he has found his beautiful smile once more! Here is that letter:

Dear B.F.

B.F., I know you are angry and that you think giving in to your rage will make you feel better, but somewhere, deep inside, a part of you knows that doing so would only give you a temporary and false sense of redemption. It would not give you back your self respect. It would mean that in the end, they had won, and it would make you no better than them. It would not teach anybody anything, and you would not learn anything new from it. Hate only feeds the darkness and leaves you cold, alone and empty. Let the universe seek its own revenge. Karma will be punishment enough. Leave them to their fate. You have your own journey to return to.

You won't find your self respect by trying to make the terminators of your past respect you. They are not actually capable of respecting anyone, and even if they were, why would you want their respect anyway? They are insignificant parasites and the only power they have is that which you give them, or allow them to take. Give them nothing. Do not even waste your energy thinking about them, it only gives them more power in this quantum universe. Any energy spent on them would be wasted as they have nothing to give in return. You cannot make them feel sorry for their greed, they cannot help what they are, and do not want to.

If you must feel anything, feel sorry for them, for they are lost in the cold darkness of pain and will never know the warmth of true love. They are too blind to see the possibilities of walking in the light. Let go of your hate and forgive them instead, not to their face or in a message, but secretly, in your own heart. Do not forgive them for the purpose of giving them another chance, but to give yourself the chance to let go. Then you must forgive yourself too. If you can do all that, you will take back some of the power they took from you, and render them forever powerless against you. Only then will you be able to take responsibility for your own happiness, and become the author of your own destiny.

The self respect that you seek cannot be found anywhere but in your own heart. It cannot be given to you, only you can find it. Self respect comes from within, from the satisfaction of achievement, from knowing you have something to offer, from the joy you take in the creation of things that will entertain and educate others, from inspiring others to greater things, from giving of yourself for the greater good, from providing people with an insight that will foster empathy, from sharing your knowledge with those who seek enlightenment, from the pride felt with each small success, from having a sense of purpose that gives you direction, from forgiving yourself for your mistakes, from gaining wisdom from your experiences, and from never giving in to failure, but always having courage to try again. Self respect will increase with self love, and by believing in and trusting yourself, instead of waiting for others to do so. Only when you can achieve all that, will you feel worthy of the respect of others, and only then will you be able to open your heart to the warmth of their love.

2012 is coming B.F., and you have the power to enlighten many. Find the light again my friend, and add your own to its brilliance. Then the love and warmth you seek will be able find you. I love you B.F. and I believe in you. Now you must love and believe in yourself.

Love Me XOX

P.S. PLEASE ANSWER YOUR PHONE!