Having OCD is Still Not Much Fun

 Dear friends and confidants, do you recall the tale I told of my infatuation with IKEA, and the amazing calm I experience there, surrounded by rows and rows of carefully laid out china and cutlery; the peace and tranquillity I experience when surrounded by that order, that harmony?  Do you also recall my obsession with symmetry; not only in shape, and structure, but also in number?  Do you recall how I transferred my love of these to my home; or conversely, found my other home behind the portals of that Temple to Order and Balance and Harmony?

Do you also recall how I transgressed and told a lie to make up a deficiency in numbers when I discovered that I was short of one Dragon Bread and Butter Knife?  How I, perverse soul that I am, lied and was punished, when the god of order decreed that my lie would turn upon me and, as the serpent, bite me where the wound would hurt most; sink its fangs into me sense of balance and equilibrium.

And my lie, dear friends, came back to haunt me and near drove the reason from my brain.

Listen well, and hear how the gods punish those who practise to deceive.

 

When I returned to my humble home, did I step lightly thorough my door, with one Dragon Bread and Butter Knife in my hand, to complete my set?  No!  I held in my craven grasp, two Dragon Bread and Butter Knives.  Whereas all the others in the drawer, with the exception of those that should come in pairs, were lying side by harmonious side, in groups of twelve, the Bread and Butter Knives lay in a section in a group of thirteen; a baker’s dozen without the excuse of being bread.

But craven wretch that I am, I shuddered at the sight; yet did not seek to repair my guilt.  I near revelled in my dilemma.

As I have already stated: Listen well, and hear how the gods punish those who practise to deceive.

My tale unfolds with all the depth, drama and scope of a Greek Tragedy.

 

Some weeks or months later, I cannot remember, it is a blur, I once again attended IKEA with a friend, Allan.

We had gone to simply look around, and while we were there, we decided to have lunch.  I think we had fish and chips and coffee (FREE and as many cups as one wants with an IKEA Family Card; Monday to Friday). 

While I was paying, Allan went to get the cutlery, napkins, salt and pepper, and water, and we met at a table he had chosen.

Do you see where this is going?  My heart is palpitating as I write this.

There before me (and him) were two brand new Dragon Dinner Knives and a pair of forks; characterless forks. 

But the knives:  They were unmarked.  They were spotlessly clean.  They were absolutely brand new.  They were lovely.

“They’ve obviously just put a new lot in the cutlery trays,” said Allan, “Do you want your coffee now, or after you’ve eaten?”

It was just like being at home.  It made my fish and chips taste just that extra bit special.

We ate.  We finished our meal.  We continued shopping.  We paid for our purchases.  We went home.

 

When we arrived at home, I was putting the kettle on for a coffee and Allan smiled at me in a very strange way.

“Surprise!” he said.

I looked at him and wondered what he meant.

“Surprise!” he repeated, and I turned towards him; meanwhile opening the cutlery draw to take out a teaspoon to ladle the coffee into the two White, 365 Range Coffee Mugs on the counter.

Suddenly my heart sank, and I had to hold onto the counter lest I collapse at what I knew I would see before me.  There, in the cutlery draw with the other twelve Dragon Dinner Knives were five extra Dragon Dinner Knives.  I didn’t need to count them.  I couldn’t even tell which were the strangers.  There were now seventeen Dragon Dinner Knives.  With a weary heart I took them all out and counted them. Yes, there were seventeen.

Allan smiled, “They’ll never miss them” he said, “IKEA has millions”.

I counted them yet again. Yes there were still seventeen.  I put them back into the drawer.  Then I took them out and counted them again; just in case I had miscounted.  No, I hadn’t; there were seventeen.  Then I took them all out and counted them as I put them, one by one into the dishwasher.  Yes!  there were seventeen of them.

“Would you mind making the coffee,” I said.  “I’m feeling just a little tired”.

 

A cautionary tale.  Take heed.

You have listened well, and heard how the gods punish those who practise to deceive

Comments 22 comments

Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Seventeen? That's a number that would even give me the willies. It seems to me, if your friend actually took 5 Dragon knives, he is the one who should be punished. You should have made him take the extra five, then he would have been saddled with having to get one more (but then, he might have taken it from you, then you would have eleven, and that's no good.) Okay, so what did you do? Another interesting tale (and another cliff hanger!)


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Hi Christoph. Thanks for popping into my kitchen to give me some advice. I can tell by your words that you don't have an OCD bone in your body. If he had presented me with the extra five knives, I MIGHT have been able to refuse them... but only if we were still at the lunch table in IKEA. But he'd put them in the drawer with the others, and I quote: "I couldn’t even tell which were the strangers".

I couldn't have taken out any old five... That would be like losing five members of one family; at a stroke!

It does get worse, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

I've just reread your comment, Christoph. You obviously do have OCD leanings. Your: "You should have made him take the extra five, then he would have been saddled with having to get one more (but then, he might have taken it from you, then you would have eleven, and that's no good.)" gave you away. Classic case!

Take my advice. Seek therapy before it's too late.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

17 is just wrong! Now you need 8 more. When will this end? You're being mocked by your own cutlery! It's a tale so grim I had my fingers digging into the arm of my chair! I need a cup of tea and relax..


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Candie, I closed the cutlery drawer today and I'm certain I heard giggling; and not pleasant giggling either. Thanks for dropping by. Shall I make the coffee or do you want to? I could spend the time gainfully turning the cutlery towards the left.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 6 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

I shall make the coffee and be over posthaste to assist in any way I can!

I hate the sound of giggly flatware. I sounds so.. metallic!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 6 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

My goodness, Candie. Flatware! I am impressed. Should I bow when meeting you, or avert my eyes deferentially? Mrs Plantagenet-Featheringstonehaugh (Ask Christoph) would welcome you with open arms. I am in awe that you should deign to enter my humble abode, much more my kitchen.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

That is very funny Mark. Thank you for the comment. Maybe I should take my finger out and post my last hub on the subject... the "physician heal yourself" one. It'll be the last, I promise.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Twilight,

I love number three hub too..I went to IKEA for the first time about a month ago..It was amazing..I spent alot of time there..Every thing is neat and tidy..Thanks for a great hub.

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Actually, Sunnie, this hub and the other three aren't very far from the truth.

I'm glad you're liking the hubs.

I bet when you went to IKEA you bought a huge bag of tea light candles... My friends and I say, when we see someone with bags of cheap candles, "Here comes another IKEA virgin" because new IKRA shoppers can never resist them


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

lol let me see I bought a play tent and a counting game for my granddaughters and that was it..I got so overwhelmed that I wanted everything so I got nothing fo myself...haha

Sunnie


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

That;s what happened to my friend Charlotte on her first visit. She got so excited. I was walking along near her and I kept on hearing her say to her partner, Terry. "Look at this. It's so cheap.... We must have it" for about everything. When we got to the checkout, she realised that what she had would probably come to about £500... so she just pushed the trolley away and left the store without getting anything. Not even IKEA Virgin tea lights!!!


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 5 years ago from UK

I live in a house which is dominated by people suffering from OCDD- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Disorder. The children hang their clothes on the floor and my husband files letters and bills in the fruit bowl, stuffed between the apples. I'm the only person who ever puts the toothpaste lid back on the tube or closes doors and drawers. We all love IKEA though. All those storage solutions!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

It's hard work being the one in charge, isn't it Amanda? You should go to IKEA and see if they have designed a Family Storage Solution. Large containers you can put your nearest and dearest (or your family, if you must) into and only bring them out when you want to play with them, or want to show them to the neighbours and the odd out of town relative.

Then the house would be neat and tidy... a little bit quiet, but it would be worth it.

Oh, by the way, thank you for visiting and reading all my scribbling.

Ian


mcimicata profile image

mcimicata 5 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

Another awesome hub about OCD, I would say that it is definitely just as good as the first one!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Thank you, mcimicata. You are a brave man, ploughing through my scribbles. Thank you for that... Are you up to the last two? I hope so... and I hope you enjoy them.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

Hahahaha! This is getting funner and funnier! Regards, snakeslane


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

The tragic thing is that it not very far from the truth. Thank you for the visit and don't forget you are running out of Tea Lights . One can never have enough Tea Lights, snakeslane.

When I an Judi are in IKEA and we see someone with a couple of bags of the plain tea Lights (now in cardboard strips) we look at each other knowingly and say, "IKEA Virgins"

I have never known ANYONE to go to IKEA for the first time and not buy at least one bag.


snakeslane profile image

snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

You are right, I am running out of tea lights! How did you know that?


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

Ha ha ha!

I am also psychic... or was that psychotic?


nemanjaboskov profile image

nemanjaboskov 4 years ago from Serbia

I tried really hard and I managed not to roar in laughter :) I knew, I really knew what would happen... It is a nightmare, and the funny thing is you have to count them over and over again, right?

Off to the next hub..


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 4 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. Author

It's so true, my friend. I found I was counting them more and more... at least once a day. But I thought I had cracked it, as you will see in the next hub.

I THOUGHT I had.

By the way, I have just read the hub myself, and even I laughed.

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    OCD A series of hubs dealing with this debilitating condition.

    1. Have you read the first hub Having OCD Is Not Always Fun on this debilitating condition? Well, have you?

    If you haven't, I suggest you go to it straight away. There's no point in starting half way... especially if you have OCD. You don't need to be told that, do you?

    Well, go on. Don't waste your time.

    2. This is the second hub, so I am assuming that you have progressed to here from the first... if not, you certainly aren't suffering from OCD, you are more lkely to be completely disorientated. Regardless, this is the second hub Having OCD is Still Not Much Fun on this debilitating condition?

    Now you are almost finished, but there is no point in getting off your metaphorical horse mid-metaphorical-stream, now is there? You are almost cured… or you should be.

    Go on, read, Having OCD is Still Not Much Fun again.. It won’t take long, and you won’t regret it.

    3. The next hub is very reassuring and it’s well worth a read. Have a good look at it and see what you think, at: OCD May be Debilitating But Is There a Cure?

    4. If you have got this far, you are almost finished. Are you sitting comfortably, or would you like to go and have a coffee and a sticky bun? And perhaps spend about ten minutes trying to decide which spoon to use and what cup to use, in case it feels as if it is being left out. I know how this feels. I start to make a coffee and when I open the cupboard door, there are eighteen identical coffee mugs looking at me; begging to be turned so that their handles are all 45 degrees to the left.

    When you get back here, have a look at OCD - A Case History – Self Help in Extreme Cases the fourth and final hub.

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